Surviving the first day : Herpes

Sexual health
1

I have herpes and this is my first day.

I'm 27 years old ... And I just got the dreaded phone call from my gyno today. " Herpes: Type 2" Needless to say I spent all day bursting into tears and sobbing. It didn't help that I was stuck at work.

Every year I do my due diligence and go for my annual check and do the full work. Thus far, always ending with a squeaky clean record. Sometime after a full year of celibacy , I crossed paths with an old college ex and friendship led to dating which led to a relationship.

I recall telling him that I wanted to wait until he checked himself before I got on birth control and the condoms went out the window. Of course, a month went by and condoms were out but no tests were done ... And now find myself here. With him clueless as to how he could have given me something without knowing he had it.

In less than 7 hours I've gone thru all stages of grief. I now find myself staring into space and thinking . " I have herpes. I am herpes positive . "

All I want to do is call a friend; unload, vent and just let it all out. Yet feeling so alone and insecure; unable to confess to anyone about what I'm going through.

The thought of living with this everyday... Has me spiraling into a depression that I don't know how to crawl out of. Where do I go from here? How will this affect my relationship. How will I go about dating in the future if we break up?

I have herpes and this is my first day.

Sent from my iPhone

2

I just got diagnosed with herpes and bacterial vaginosis 3 days ago. I'm still depressed and my boyfriend and I are already on a rocky stage in our relationship. He's saying he's clean but there's no way he is bc he's the only person I've been with. But I just thought I would reply to this, you're not alone. And if you would like I will talk to you if you need to talk to anyone. I'm still depressed and wondering if it's possible misdiagnoses but most likely not sad

3

The first few weeks are the worst, you feel like this is the end of world , but trust me it gets a lot easier . I was kind of the same as you, celebit for a year then decided to sleep with someone I trusted , and got herpes from him( which he also didn't have any symptoms that h knew of when he gave me it) needles to say he broke up with me once he found out about it.

The best thing you can do is speak to whoever you are closest to about it. Keeping bottled up makes things worse, the people that love you will be understanding and help you through this.

As for dating, the way I've got my head round it is, who ever I'm going to be with should like me enough to understand and not care that iv e caught this stupid disease , and if they don't then i shouldn't be with them anyway .

Hepres is a lot more common than people think and its made out to be so much worse than it is , keep your chin up and get passed the next few weeks and ull comento terms with it.

Hope this has helped xxx

4

If you or he had chicken pox at some point when you were a kid then you already had the herpes virus in you. I had it about 3 years before I ever had a breakout so it could be that he gave it to you and hes had it for a good while. You arent alone at all. People with herpes are actually more common than people with diabetes its just not talked about because its in a "private" area and no one wants to discuss the realities of it. If you or he has ever had cold sores that is HSV type 1 and it can be transmitted to the genitals through oral sex. 

  It can be depressing for sure and I went through that when I first found out, feeling like I was now a horrible person and my bf would leave me and everything else. Its nothing to be ashamed of. Just do some reading so you understand what is going on and how it will affect you in the future. I was surprised at how little impact it will really have- aside from just making sure your current/future partner knows about it.

Good luck

5

Hi Mel. I can honestly say it does get better. I was diagnosed with hsv2 in November seven months ago. For the first few months I was so depressed I couldn't understand why this has happened and how. What you need to realise is this can happen to absolutely anybody. You can be in a long term relationship and use condoms and you can still get herpes. I think because it is considered an std people get really worked up about it but the truth is you can get it even if you don't have sex, all it takes is skin to skin contact. Medically it's as serious as eczema. I was unlucky so unfortunately I suffer a lot of outbreaks sometimes three a month which can really get me down and mess with my head. I've read a lot online that the first year is the worst and after that outbreaks become fewer apart so fingers crossed this is the case for me. Your boyfriend might not have even gave it to you. Some people have it in their system for years and then one day you will show symptoms. I know it's scary because everyone uses the word incurable but it is a very manageable virus. Xxxx

6

Girl i feel your pain i was told 3years ago and sometimes it feels like yesterday its so hard in the begin and even now i get down sometimes i cry to and ask why but please pull yourself up i read something one time its say how do ppl know you have it and they dont your still beautiful on the outside just hard to deal on the inside and the guy you was with he really might have not known cause he may never had any sign feel free to lean on me it helps

7

yep definitely the start is the worst. A mixture between sad, angry, insecure, depressed, and constantly worrying about he next outbreak. 

I have herpes type 1, but its genital and I have had big outbreaks in the past.

Ive found that worrying about it and stressing, all the emotional damage that it does is so much worse than actually having it. and Ive told this to everyone ive confided in, the stigma about herpes is worse than having it. 

At first I called my best friend, cried and told her about it. I found having one person to tell in the beginning was really helpful, she was supportive but didnt know everything about it and I could feel some stigma even then. I later went on to telling my sister,  my mum and then some other close friends. 

Some of them understood and felt for me, others saw it as something to be stigmatised and kept making assumptions  without doing any research on it at all. But I got through it slowly, but surely. Its definitely hard, really emotionally rocky, can plumet your self confidence but I found the best way to deal with it was, 

Reading! lots and lots of reading about it. everything, type 1 and two, how it works, where in the body it can be, symptoms, other peoples stories, statistics, vitamin supplements for suppression, just everything I could possibly find that could give me some insight and more knowledge about it.

You come to discover, with knowledge and time, that you can survive, you can go on and live a completely normal life like you did before. 

There is SSOO much stigma about herpes and it is so unneccessary.  

People dont stigmatise about any other virus' or diseases, only sexually transmitted ones, and if you have an std of any kind, youre 'dirty' or a 'slut' but that is so not true. I read about a guy who had a coldsore outbreak, licked his hand for masterbation and gave himself genital hsv1. hooray for that unlucky guy.. but thats life. shit happens to people and having herpes is almost like a tap on the shoulder to be more careful next time! it could be a lot worse, even if herpes is incurable,  it cant actually damage your body (apart from your eyes, dont touch them unless theyre 100% washed and clean) 

Youll be okay smile good luck

8

Trust your instincts, call a friend or a family member. Make sure that it's someone you trust. You know, that friend that you would call to hellp you bury the body? Yeah, call that one.