Today I decided that enough was enough and so I have decided to tackle my situation head on. I've found a pherapist who specialises in anxiety and OCD. I have also made another GP appointment.
I've decided that this has made me feel awful for too long - too many symptoms and too much second guessing.
If I have something physically wrong with me then I will have to tackle it head on and see what my GP recommends. If it is purely in my mind then I will have to tackle this head on and address my problems.
Either way, I cannot go on like this.
For so long all I've wanted was reassurance. Now I just want answers. I am frightened, and I hope that this is just yet another anxiety symptom that I will have to acknowledge for the future. I am trying to be brave and find a solution either way... And to stop feeling guilty...the guilt is the most awful part. I think I am doing the right Hong and I hope that I am able to come back here and vent if things get tough or I stumble.
I feel more powerful knowing that I have options and not just googling symptoms and then hoping for reassurance.
Get your treatments under your belt and see what is expected of you to reach the other side of the road. Remember it is always darker at the beginning of the dawn.
You have this site to vent if you feel things are getting to much for you.
I know it's not easy but you are in a position now when, as you say, you have had enough
Use this as a turning point, Mopsy,
Enough is enough.
Keep reminding yourself of that. Keep reminding yourself it is Panic/ Anxiety Disorder symptoms that are fuelling your fear. That it is that which makes you question, Is it AD/PD or.....? Eek!
There is nor reason whatsoever to feel guilty.
Guilty of what honey?
Being ill?
You wouldn't feel guilty if you were hopping about on a broken leg. You wouldn't feel guilty laying in a warm bed if you had the flu. You wouldn't feel guilty over what society thinks of as any Recognizable Illnesses.
Why should this be different?
It isn't
Venting? Reassurance? We need those just as we need to connect with other Forum members because they are the ones, Mopsy, that understand. That understanding sustains us, gives us courage.
Determination is a great tool. Taking responsibility another. Encouragement from your friends on the Forum a true blessing
And if/when you have a wobble we are all here, ready and waiting to catch you
Helen I feel like I haven't spoken to you in a while! I hope you and your son are well xxx
To be honest, I really don't know how I get here and in turn, I really don't know how it got this far. In some respects I am a mess and I do not recognise myself. I have always lived with anxiety. I have never before lived in fear... I have never focused on my mortality or an illness that could extinguish me.
What have I become? This resonates inside my head and I feel like somewhere deep inside, the real me is on their knees. I've run from what I fear for so long that the running has become far worse than the fear itself.
I am living inside my own labyrinth and laying my own traps.
I need to push forward now and find a solution and just hope that I can move on. Maybe somewhere down the line I can find myself again. I truly hope so
Good for you this is NO way to live! You can get help, work in your mind and get back your rationale and get back in the pool and swim again. Proud of you.