That's awful what you had to go threw I know you had support with your mum but it seems you took responsibility like any decent daughter should.i take my hat of to you and admire you in many many ways
obviously being off the meds for 5 years was a road to a recovery and losing your mum brought it all back! Am lucky cause I've got many good friends who saw me change and knows what am going threw but I've never sat down and talked with them cause am too proud.thing that mess me up is when my intrusive thoughts spread and to my niece although when I went to counseling I was diagnosed with ocd and though I know the thoughts don't mean nothing it took its toll but I found away to block them and I go out with friends when I can and going to the shops is fine.it seems we got similar symptoms but not the same . really sorry to hear about your mum.do you have support from your family?
Nope, no support on my end, except Xanax. That's one med I didn't stop, but use as needed. I don't think anxiety ever really goes away.
I can relate to the pride issue very well. Add that to the list of ongoing reasons I stopped Zoloft. Letting others know that you have a mental illness, and take meds for it, is a scary thing. There's so much stigma around all of it that it causes many to suffer in silence. The whole idea of it all made me feel like a weak person, still does. There's thoughts like, There's people who never took meds to help them, but they got better, so I must be weak for taking them, others started meds, came off after a brief time, and they're fine, so I must be weak. I know it's crazy to think like that, because many people end up back on meds, or suffering for life, but my noodle won't let me believe that.
Are your intrusive thoughts really bad? Good thing you went for counseling and it helped. That's something I struggle with. I've been to a couple, but they were boring pencil pushers.They expected a life story, which wasn't happening. I kept thinking "I just met you 10 minutes ago, I'm not telling you my life story, ya tw*t". Eventually, I found a nice woman who had experienced anxiety attacks, so it was easy to relate to her, but then she retired. Just my luck, or karma. lol Never looked for another therapist again. I figured out that the best therapist in the world is music, and I'm cool with that.
How are you getting along on the meds? Hopefully, some of the side effects have left. It's still early in your treatment, but one can hope.
I can identify with what you say, but we shouldn't feel weak. People take meds for many different health issues.