taper query

Treatment and medication
1

Hi peeps,

I'm currently tapering via prescription from docs, but before hand or for the best part of 15 - 18years I was using diazepam in large amounts both for anxiety and recreational purposes. Doses were crazy amounts from 100mg to 500mg at a time but that was along time ago,.

Now for the past almost 3 years I have been prescribed them starting in 2014 at 30 and then down to 28mg up untill last year where they cut me from 28-22mg in one go.

Now I've experienced benzo wd many a time and the last time I stopped it before i was prescribed them i jumped from 30mg ct and lasted 6-8 weeks.

Anyway im currently on 10mg and im dropping 2mg every month with another drop down to 8mg due in a week.

My query or question is this, i don't seem to be feeling up nor down with each drop and i can miss a dose and function, but i have this complete and utter fear of stopping, as for me the worst symptoms seem to kick in around the 2 week mark .

Has anyone else experienced this as i also have a theory that as long as there's some benzo at work in my system in fine, no matter the dose.

Its got to be the only thing that im terrified from , but its ridiculous

2

Forget to add that I've noticed that being on a daily dose for so long while it reduces, gives me no personal satisfaction and by satisfaction I mean I don't notice any elevated mood or relief from anxiety.

I've spoken to family about this and they say why are you taking them then. And to be fair there are days that I actually wonder why the hell iam, as I still get anxious, I'm quite antisocial and my mind races and i know this is what normally happens in wd. But my main or only reason that im keeping with the schedule is because thing's are going reasonably well and I feel the taper is working as im definitely not I full wd but iam definitely not getting the relief a non user would.

Its a wierd feeling to not know if you're going to suffer incredibly after tapering for years

3

Hi dave

First of all welldone getting to where you are.

I can only suggest that you join benzobuddies which is a online forum.

You will need a gmail email address to join.

 

4

Hi Dave, I have a similar issue in that I do still take about 5mg -it averages out at about that - a day, usually last thing at night, and I feel totally normal. I sleep OK, I do feel quite tired in the day, but not excessively so - no more than people around me who dont take benzos.

I have been through withdrawal quite a few times, and find that the last phase, where you cutting down from very small amounts and trying to get to zero are just really bad, and even if the tapering is very slow, the withdrawal can still be bad.   I have been on extremely low doses, and thought - this is it, I am really stopping, and then something pretty stressful happens and I up the dose a bit, just for a bit as I think of it - just till the stress has been dealt with, - but of course, then there is always something else coming along to worry about, so you end up in a stupid cycle, and never really stop.

The diazepam dont make me feel relaxed or sleepy - they just make me feel totally normal, so I dont think all the time - Oh I'm an addict - but of course I am - I'll know that as soon as I start to really withdraw again.

I eat very healthily, excercise, dont drink alcohol or smoke - it just this stupid thing - benzos.  People I know do take them - and often they are not prescribed - they just the odd one if they feel particularly stressed out or insomniac - and its seems as no big deal. I know one lady who was doing a course in Londond, and went down once a week for a while, and because she was so phobic about using the tube after the 7/7 bombings she took a diazepam on the day she went. But being addicted is.

Its a really good idea to keep in touch with other people who are going throgh the same thing, and if I could find a group locally where you could get moral support and encouragement from others going through it, that would be great Thats what I'll try to do next.  Support groups for other types of addiction and of course alcohol addiction are quite common - it seems that for benzo addiction, they are not that common.

Maybe I should try to start one!

 

5

dave, i think that diazepam stays in your system for a long time..... that is why you cannot just stop it.  where xanax is very fast acting and it leaves your system very fast, diazepam is the longest acting and has the longest half life of all of the benzos. i would just ask for a taper and continue to follow that plan as long as your body lets you. during my withdrawal and taper, sometimes my body would reach a plateau and i had to just keep that dose for a few weeks. i contacted protracted withdrawal and could not feel my fingers or toes. my right arm was pulling up and i was just pacing the floor. just go as slow as you can. i know when you get to this point, you would like to just chunk them..... but keep with the taper. or you will be sorry i t hink!  it took me 5 months to taper off of xanax after using it for 20 years. worst thing i have ever had to do.....