Sorry to hear how badly you are suffering. I had post natal depression after all three of my kids. Having the youngest ( now 26) was by far the worst. I didn't drink while pregnant, but with 3 kids under 5 I found it very difficult. My health visitor called round uninvited one day, the house was a mess and rather than phone my husband at work as I asked, she phoned social services, saying my kids were at risk so they went on the at risk register. I ended up in the mother and baby unit at a physciatric hospital.
My husband came tearing home after I phoned him at work. He was furious with the health visitor and social services, as he was unaware of what was happening and pointed out that they were his kids as well and if necessary, would give up work and look after them himself.
i went to the mother and baby unit with my baby and family and friends helped with the other two. I was unable to be with my baby on my own, nappy changing, feeding, bathing all had to be supervised. I was not allowed to have any medication for the first 4 weeks and it was the worst time of my life.
i saw a Dr twice in the whole six weeks I was on the unit. I was allowed home with my husband for 3 hours and had to return to the unit by a set time. After 4 weeks I was given antidepressants and finally allowed home. The kids remained on the at risk monitor for 6 months. I had numerous unannounced visits from social services and my health visitor.
I realise that things have changed dramatically since then, or thought they had, so I fully appreciate your reluctance to involve social services. I suffered dreadful withdrawal symptoms with no advice or medication at all. I didn't realise how dangerous it was to suddenly stop until I joined this forum.
on balance, I think I would choose to have librium and taper off gradually, as I feel in the long term, you are less likely to relapse. Do you have any family or close friends that could help out with your children.
You obviously care about your kids, and the fact you have asked for advice here, shows that you want to change. I wouldn't want anyone to suffer like I did, but that was years ago, and it obviously didn't solve the initial problem. as to why I chose alcohol to deal with my anxiety. I can remember feeling completely out of my depth and was made to feel useless and my kids would be better off without me.
I would contact alcohol services, or look online, as mentioned already, you don't need to be referred by your GP, even if it's just to see what services they offer, you could remain anonymous to start with.
Good luck and keep posting how things are going for you.
On