Telling somone i have HSV2

Sexual health
1

hi,

I have known I have HSV2 for about 5 months now and I have had 2 outbreaks but only 1 sore in the same place appears which Im glad about,  however being single I am worried to go into another relationship, Im scared to look for 'Love' because Im worried if I tell someone they will run away and tell people. I have come to terms with it because it however I haven't even been able to tell my closet of friends because Im worried they will be scared to even touch me because people aren't educated about it like I wasn't until I got it. I know I can educate them but I think in the back of their mind they are really worried for me to do the normal things with them.

Health classes at school made it out to be this most horrifying thing to get, which makes people judge straight away about it.

im not sure what to do when it comes to finding love and having to tell them

2

Hi. I have hsv-1(g). I got it two years ago. I myself haven't told anyone but my ex and the guy I got it from and one guy I really like. So I can only tell you about my experience with the guy I like. I told him about a month after we started dating. Back story my ex had somehow cloned my phone or whatever so could see whatever I did on munch phone. I met him off of a dating website and there we exchanged numbers. Well my ex got his number and texted him telling him I was in the middle of a herpes outbreak. The guy I was dating showed me the text but I didn't tell him at that time. We were in Applebees and it wa the first time meeting him so wasn't sure if I would like him. Needless to say after two years he still couldn't get over the fact that I have this and we (as of yesterday) are now only friends. He says that he thinks it would have worked out differently if the way he found out was different. I was literally told I had it like a week before I met him so I didn't know anything about it and I felt so disgusting. Well I'm sure you know exactly what I meant. So because of my ex I was forced to answer questions that I didn't know the answers to and just basically told him I was always contagious and just how I felt about myself. I told him the facts later on when I learned of them but it was too late. He already had the nasty things in his mind from what I told him. He took it as I lied and said I should have told him right away. He didn't understand that I wanted to make sure that I liked him and was afraid of him telling everyone. Either way he didn't take it that well. He didn't talk to me for two weeks and then said we had a connection and he had feelings so he would try. Long story short. I wouldn't tell them the first date but if you go on a second one you know you are interested in them and I would let them know. Before this I would do as much research as possible so that way you can accurately answer any questions that he may have. There is a lot more stuff on the internet now and spoke with my doctor then there were two years ago. But with the type that you have there was a lot. Just be honest. It is hard. I won't deny that and yes you do run the risk of them telling everyone. I have been doing online dating because then I would talk to them about a week and then tell them through the internet. I know I'm a coward. For the most part they said they were fine with it but then after awhile we stopped talking. It could just be that we didn't have a lot in common or they changed their minds. I'll never know. But I will tell you that it felt so nice to get that off of my chest because then when they said they wouldn't judge me and still wanted to get to know me it made t so much easier. I'm still finding it really hard to find someone even tho I haven't really been trying since me and the guy I love just ended but I did still play around to see if someone could actually accept me. I still don't know the answer. But I hope this helps just be honest and up front about it and then it is out of your hands. I told my ex and he did go around telling everyone. I hate to believe that we are only able to date people with the same thing and yes that would be easier but in my case the guy I really want to be with and love so much doesn't have anything. I also don't want to put my picture up online for one of those sites because I haven't told my friends or family because I'm embarrassed and disgusted still. I felt a lot better about the type that I had because it isn't too bad compared to the other ones. Yes it sucks and still bad but really the best one to have I guess. But now I don't feel so well. I wasn't educated about stds like I am now and judged and felt the same way as my ex guy I guess I'll call him until I got it. I never knew I could get an std from kissing someone or letting them go down on me. Too bad took me the hard way to figure that out. I'm sorry this is so long just wanted to give you my experience and hope yours goes better and hope it helps a little bit as to how and when you will tell someone. 

3

thank you for that! i’m not sure on what to do i don’t have a guy in the picture and don’t plan to for awhile but i am worried i’m going to be alone forever. i am only 22 but i feel as if i will never find someone that accepts me for who i am. sadly for me the guy i got it off when i asked if he had anything he said no, maybe he didn’t know but he turned into an a*****e so i blocked and deleted him number so i have no way of getting in contact with him to question him why! 

it’s just so frustrating how much this makes a massive impact on your life. 

4

Hi 

I had my first outbreak about 6 weeks ago and I have never been so poorly! I caught it from my partner going down on me. He’s since then proposed. My advice is to tell some one, I told my parents, my cousin, 2 of my best friends and obviously my boyfriend. I needed their help and suppprt to look after my children and stop me from beating myself over something that quite frankly was completely unlucky.  I’ve gone through every emotion I cried down the phone to my dad begging him not to think I’m dirty.  His words were “at the end of the day it’s just a condition, you’ll learn to live with it”  I honestly believe none of these people now think any different of me.  And if anything the sex with my partner now is probably the best it’s ever been, because he still thinks I’m the most amazing woman even with herpes.  Talk to someone, don’t carry your burden alone.  You may be shocked at how much better you feel x 

5

Yeah the guy I got it from acted like he didn't know. And maybe he didn't but when I asked him if he hd anything he said no also but there was a brief hesitation and I went ahead anyway. I don't have a guy anymore either. Well he wasn't ever really mine he was a friends with benefits. Well the benefits were for him. We tried sex but he would get caught up thinking about the herpes and couldn't keep going. I feel the same way. I feel I will be by myself as well. I'm 33. It's frustrating because I just want to go back in time. I also want this guy I care about so much to just give me a chance but then I think would I do the same if the tables were turned. I want to say that I would but I'm not sure. The way I feel about him now I def would but I'm the beginning before the feelings got so strong I'm not sure. It's my fault from the beginning and I can't change that and I have tried telling him that him getting it is such a small chance but to him it's too big no matter how small it seems to me because I already have it. He says he doesn't know how he could risk it when what if we don't last. It would ruin every relationship he ha going forward. But I feel we would work. We are so good together. I wish I wouldn't care about anyone and that's my biggest downfall. I care too much and do everything with my feelings. I'm sure we will find someone eventually but I just wonder if it will be because I settle and will it be with someone I really want to be with. He's told me that no guy would ever touch me. Same with my ex so I feel now that it's true. I'm sorry I'm not so positive but I'm telling you from my experience and my experience hasn't been good and has been confusing to say the least. I want a relationship but really only want it with this one guy. I keep comparing other guys to him and he really is my fairytale come to life which I have never thought would come true and I don't think it will ever again. 

6

hi,

yeah when i had ny first one i had fevers and i was so sick and as soon as i felt the same way i knew another outbreak was happening which in a way is good that i get a heads up when it’s coming so i know to start taking the medication. 

i have told my mum i balled my eyes out to her on the phone when i told her. i guess in way your situation is a bit better because you caught it from someone you love by accident so there is no real massive divert besides the fact caught herpes not just another sti, i am trying to realize that i’m not going to die from it so that’s a massive bonus it’s just something that comes up every now and then but i worry i’m not going to be accepted by someone i want to be with. 

i may tell my friends one day but i don’t want to be judged or thought of as dicusting like i think myself as at times.

it’s all just so hard

also congratulations on the engagement x

7

Hey 

You alright?

Firstly I want to start by saying many people do not think herpes is a big deal

I have read many posts on Facebook with the comments saying herpes isn’t s big deal

It’s big in your mind because you have it

It’s not big in anybody else’s mind hahahahaha

And I will back that up now

I stayed with my ex who gave me this due to having your mindset I was lonely and suicidal, long story short when with him I met someone and clicked with him so I thought screw it and ended it with my ex 

And in my mind I told myself ‘look I can either not tell him and let him walk away or tell him and face the tiniest chance of him staying’ 

So I said ‘I’m going to tell him’ this was a big step for me 

How I went about it is why I think it worked 

So I made sure I was not going to cry PLEASE DONT CRY 

Wait I’ll put it in dos or don’ts list haha

DONT:

Cry

Apologise

Say ‘you won’t want to be with me after this’

DO:

Act by bothered

Act like it’s no biggy

Act like it’s an inconvience 

Okay so how I did it and the outcome:

I was in my car with him dropping him back and I said ‘hey I have something to tell you because I have a feeling we’re gonna get steamy soon’ tried to keep it light and funny

I continued... ‘you just need to know that my last sexual health checkup showed that I have that virus that causes cold sores’ now I used cold sores because I was very newly diagnosed at that point so it still scared me to say it but I don’t regret saying it, he didn’t know what causes cold sores so he had to google it, actually no I’m glad I said cold sores because cold sores are no big deal and it’s good to inform people well if they aren’t big deal I have the same but in my pants 

So he googled ‘cold sores’ herpes came up straight away 

I didn’t tell him what type because I didn’t need to but I made sure I told him the risks of hsv2 not 1 

Which is 1% chance if you use condoms and antiviral for the WHOLE YEAR not per encounter PER YEARRRRRRRRRRR 

His instant response was ‘oh thank god I thought you were going to tell me you were born a man’ 

We laughed it off changed subject and he went home (I told him to sleep on it and text me the next day)

Well he texted me the next day and here we are 5 months down the line completely in love with each other 

Oh and we stopped using condoms about a month in we’re both eager and impatient and guess what? He’s not caught it 

And we have sex many times a week hahahaha

Message me if you want advice 

8

Thank you. I get that it’s hard and honestly I was so worried about sleeping with him for the first time I kept thinking he’d freak out. I guess it is a bit different but I did tell my friends and honestly they’re support is unreal,  we stood in the play ground last week and another close friend past a comment about another parent who’s “dirty and full of herpes” I didn’t speak I just went quiet and my friend rang me when I got home to reassure me I’m not dirty but he was small minded and didn’t understand the condition. I don’t think of it as a sti... more of a skin condition. Just flares up, just like spots when I get my period. I’m dreading my nxt outbreak but I guess it’ll happen at some point. If you ever need to talk xxx

9

It’s a good filter, because guys who really like you for you won’t care about the fact that you have herpes. You just have to make sure that when you tell someone, don’t sound sad just say it like it were any other thing because if you sound sad or upset then they will get scared. If you give them time they usually come around. I kinda went through the same thing a few months ago but I had already had sex with him 3 times before I found out I had something and when I told him he wasn’t upset at all he was so sweet but then he didn’t talk to me for a month and I was so upset but I think he had felt that I was sleeping with other ppl at the same time but that wasn’t the case so when he found out the whole story we started talking again and we’ve been fine ever since. So just goes to show that there are understanding ppl out there. He also told me that he doesn’t care if I have anything even though I cured what I had and he hadn’t contracted it. Sorry to go on a rant just trynna make u feel better and she’s some light at the end of the tunnel for u. Best of luck 

10

hi, 

thank you for that, i think for me it’s trying to find that someone who i feel i can trust them to tell about it. 

when you say your cured what you had ? what do you mean by that? x 

11

I had a bacterial infection, it can be treated with antibiotics. And yeah definitely wait until you find the right guy, I think you will be able to feel and know when the guy is right 

12

oh okay, yeah im not looking for someone right now but I do hope I find someone that will love with even with this.

13

Hi,

thank you for all this! i have messaged you x