Terrible ulceration/erosion. Waiting for swab result. Struggling to keep it together.

Sexual health
1

A bit of background information on me. I was in a relationship for 6 years but ended it last June. He was the only person I’d been with sexually, and it was quite a toxic relationship, so I was looking forward to getting out there and “playing the field” a bit once the relationship was over. Since then, I’ve almost always used a condom, minus a couple incidents late last year.. After those occurrences I always went and got a checkup/tested and have always been clear.

In September last year I met a lovely man while I was holidaying in a London. He came over to visit me on the other side of the world at the beginning of June, and we have spent an entire month together. We’ve been having a lot of (unprotected) sex because I completely trust him, as he says he’s regularly checked and hasn’t been sexually active for 7-8 months. In the last week of him being here, I noticed some discomfort one day when we were seeing (about 2 days after our last sexual encounter). I thought my jeans were just too tight or I was getting a yeast infection when I noticed a tiny little tear right next to the back of my vaginal opening. It has since got SO MUCH WORSE. It is day 6, and the entire back of my vaginal opening has formed many ulcers which are extremely painful and salt baths aren’t really helping.

I went to the doctors yesterday and she said she’s not completely sure what it is, but swabbed for both herpes and bacterial infection. I’m preparing myself for the worse because after obsessively reading up online and looking at photos. It’s sounding like herpes to me, although there do seem to be some differences. She mentioned the wounds are quite clean/not yellow/crusted which gives me some hope. But I’m having throbbing pain all on my vulva and ass. It hurts to pee and poo, and I’m not passing much urine.

Here are some pictures. Sorry that they are (very) graphic/hard to look at. I’m just going to need some support if the herpes result comes back positive because.

A) I have no idea who gave it to me, and my London friend has never experienced any symptoms before.

B) I’m worried that if I’m positive he’ll blame me and stop talking to me. We had such a good month together and I feel like this has tainted the whole experience.

C) He could have the virus but not know/be asymptomatic.

D) I could’ve caught it from someone else a long time ago and it’s only just shown up. For some reason I don’t think it’s this:

E) I’m having suicidal thoughts if the test is positive. I feel like I’ve only just gained back my independence/enjoying my single life, and that it’s about to be taken away from me. Who will want to date me now?

——

I’m very curious to see what you all think it is.

Lord help me…

2

Hi GeminiFeed

We note from a recent post which you have made to our forum that you may be experiencing thoughts around self-harm. If we have misinterpreted your comments then we apologies for contacting you directly. But if you are having such thoughts then please note that you are not alone in this, and there are people out there that can help.

If you are having these suicidal thoughts then we strongly recommend you speak to someone who may be able to help. The Samaritans offer a safe space where you can talk openly about what you are going through. They can help you explore your options, understand your problems better, or just be there to listen.

Their contact details are on our patient information leaflet here: Dealing with Suicidal Thoughts: Where to get help, which also offers lots of other advice on how you can access the help you may need.

If you are having such thoughts then please do reach out to the team at the Samaritans (or the other people detailed in our leaflet) who will understand what you’re going through and will be able to help.

Kindest regards

Patient

3

I promise you that however awful it all feels now it will get so much better!

My situation was very similar to yours, ended a relationship and slept with a few men whilst dating etc. Met a guy (my now husband) and after about 6 months together I got my first herpes outbreak. As you’ve said it’s almost impossible to know who you caught it from, it isn’t tested for in routine checks so a ‘clean’ STI check doesn’t mean no herpes.

I was so depressed at that time too, and couldn’t get my head past the shame, will my boyfriend still want to be with me, the physical agony. BUT the sores heal with time, you might get more outbreaks you might not, I get a couple a year but the pain is low and nothing like the first.

As for relationships, just talk to him, tell him how you feel, let him look after you. I was really worried about having sex again and if my partner wouldn’t want to but he was absoutely fine with it and it’s never been an issue.

Everything will get so much better for you.

Please let me know if there’s anything I can tell you to help. You aren’t on your own with this xx

4

Please try not to feel like this. I can understand all the feelings you are feeling right now. But you are not alone. Nothing is worth hurting yourself. Especially herpes.
Yes it would be with you for life but it is not a life sentence. It is manageable and with time gets better. You life does not have to stop and you will be surprised how common it is, and how accepting people are of it.

Please feel free to message me x

5

There are no pictures.

6

Sorry, here are some pictures:

7

You might be able to see that in a patch right at the back, there is a silvery/gray area and also some white discoloration in other places… Not sure what this means??

8

just wait for the results sweetheart. no matter what you will be okay in the end…! also I would check Lichen Sclerosis because of the whiteness you notice and tight skin.

9

I did also wonder if lichen sclerosis could be a possibility. The white, tight skin is even worse today :confused:

10

Either way, i should know for sure in the next day. Will keep you posted.

11

So I called the doctors office to see if my results have come in yet. They have, and i have to see the doctors on Monday. I could tell by the nurses tone that it isn’t good - was basically all the confirmation that I needed.

Can’t put into words how im feeling right now.

12

hi love!

i literally just went through this at the end of April. i completely understand what toy are going through! when i got the call to come in i cried for days leading up to my apt.

i got put on medication and my next thoughts were 1) who gave it to me and 2) as a single 30 year old, my life is over.

man, was i wrong.

my friends who ive told (quite a handful) have been super supportive. telling me of other people they know with it (not names, just experiences) and finding out 2 had it themselves!

last night i also broke the news to my ex bf, who has been trying to come back into my life, he was shocked but in the end told me that its all okay. literally the hardest thing i had to tell him and the anxiety killed me because i didnt think he’d have that reaction. needless to say i enjoyed the rest of the night :slight_smile:

so i promise! its not the end of the world

13

My test came back positive for HSV-2 with an additional bacterial infection.

Feel as though my life is officially over. I don’t know how i’m going to tell the guy I was seeing. The doctor said she’s almost certain that he would’ve been the one to give it to me.

14

Hey!
I know it’s so difficult. But your life isn’t over, i promise.
Feel free to message me if you need a chat!