Hi ol05758,
I want to tell you my daughter's experience with anxiety and how she recovered without antidepressants.
She moved away to university at 18, where she developed anxiety after a series of bad experiences, she had the worst time with it. She had panic attacks, her blood pressure went through the roof giving her nosebleeds, and after fighting for over two years she was basically unable to function and moved back home. She was prescribed something to lower her blood pressure and antidepressants by the GP who treated her while she was away. I had the same concerns that you have, and having myself recovered from major depression without medicament, I wanted her to try to do the same. This is what we did:
1. My dad is a teacher of the Art of Living organisation, and despite my skepticism I was willing to try anything to help her. We did their Art of Happiness weekend course and I can say that it changed both our lives! We found out that the breathing exercises and meditation helped control her high blood pressure, and after a couple of weeks she was able to come off that medication.
2. She decided to take charge of what she eats, and it made a huge difference. She learned how to cook, how to make wholesome meals with nutritionally valuable ingredients and this made a huge difference in her life! It made her feel better about herself and less anxious because she was accomplishing something that made her feel better about herself. Little by little she was able to take baby steps in starting a journal, getting more out of the house, doing a little exercise, reconnecting with people and it took two years for her to properly recover and now she's going back to do a different course at a different university - but she'll still live at home, as she doesn't feel well enough to live on her own / with other people yet.
3. This year we found a very good doctor who really listened to us. After a (well read) blood exam we discovered that she had very low vitamin D, B12, iron and thyroid, and now I think this is what contributed for her extreme anxiety in the first place!
So, it is possible to get past it all without taking medication. But it is important to note that my daughter had me there for her, so I don't know if she would have been able to get past this alone. Is there someone who can help you?
And lastly, as others have said, if at any point you feel like hurting yourself, please do get help! There is no shame in that, or in taking the medication to help you go through the darkest phases of your anxiety. I hope this account helps you and that you can get past this. All the best and above all be safe! x