I have been at my absolute wits end trying to hurry this recovery along, why is it taking so long simply to get to the loo, why is it taking so long to simply move my leg, why on earth can I not walk far without pain....and so the list went on and on and on....
In hindsight, at the grand age of five months post op I can see EXACTLY why I rushed my recovery, why I was so impatient to be better, why I was constantly measuring myself against everyone and anyone else.
I was terrified I would not get better, I was terrified quietly that I would never walk, never rid myself of the pain, limp or both.....deep inside I was scared I would be forever disabled.
Looking back this fear must be completely natural and happens to the best of us, but actually five months on I WISH I had been more gentle, more patient, less worried and spent my time resting, relaxing and taking my time with the process. It is the most natural thing in the world to want to be better of course, but please everyone have some confidence that you WILL get there, all time frames are different, all journeys vary slightly - be gentle with yourself, when you feel better make the most of the time off (no one gives a damn three months in trust me) Enjoy the time with your loved ones and family and be reassured you would know about it if something was wrong....so rest, relax, exercise, take care and be patient. It is all okay. You will get there, you really will....
I think we may also be pressured (without others intending or us realizing) by well meaning people that cannot possibly realize the profound nature of the recovery journey (physical and emotional) that we travel. In my own case (and others I know), both hips were in very bad condition but many people somehow seem to expect that I will be all better after the first operation and usually within weeks. Do I need to to tell you that this hasn't quite been my experience?!!
And then I imagine Sarah's situation and expectations and misunderstandings she has faced - no wonder she wants to be fully recovered NOW!!!
Anyway - I will be face the second operation witha a slightly adjusted set of expectations - of the operation, recovery and myself.
I think that is the best post that I have read that hits me exactly how I feel. My surgery is coming up soon and I fear I will be worse off than I am right now. The pressure to get better and back to work in a timely manner scares me. At my job I have three months to recover or risk losing my position. That scares me as well. But at the end of the day I need to take your advice and heal, rest and recuperate in order to be better and not rush it.
Fear is there but your post puts me more at ease with recovering.
Thanks Rose, That encouragement is just what I needed to hear.I am 5 months post op but cannot work full days standing on my feet yet.Patience is something we all struggle with but it's good to be reminded that we are all on this journey together. Bless you
Reading about all of your experiences has helped me to tamp down my expectations for my own recovery. A lot of my friends, family and even my husband are guilty of saying, "Don't worry. You've got this. You will be dancing again or running marathons soon!" I know they think they are being helpful but they're not.
I have had to politely tell all of them to dial it back for my own sake. I do not want to push myself to the point where I damage the joint or screw up my recovery. I am capable of very hard physical workouts but this is simply not the time. This is a time for rest, healing and restraint. You need to learn to listen to your body, to be in tune with what it needs. I am good at that.
So until my surgeon gives me the all clear, I will be doing EXACTLY as she commands. She is the boss of me right now, with all her many years of experience. I will not let my ego take me to a place where I could risk everything. She judged me as competent to have a full, healthy recovery and I will not let either of us down.
Hi Rose, I'm so glad you wrote this as I'm now only 3 weeks away from my surgery & met a lady yesterday who totally 'threw' me. I was in a queue at Morrisons & got talking to a lady who was on 1 crutch. She'd had THR last Tuesday (10th) evening, home on Thursday & down to 1 crutch shopping with her husband (she was 68). All the time I was talking to her I just kept thinking how marvellous she was but when I got home & relayed the conversation to my husband, the first thing he said was 'but she might be in real pain tomorrow & wished she'd not been out'. I thought about this & maybe he's right - if you're feeling relatively OK, would you push yourself so soon after only 4 days post-op? I hope I get the chance to see her again but your post just reinforces that we are all different. Big hugs x
What a wonderful husband you have !!! good for that lady that she is already out and shopping at 4 days post-op !!! that's it - maybe she just wanted to lessen your fear about it ...
I believe we do that - push ourselves when feeling better - that is why we think we fall back, are disappointed, getting depressed etc.
your body will let you know when you overdid it ... trust her !!!
Thanks Renee, my husband is fab & I know he will try his best when I'm done. 8th June is my date & it can't come quick enough now. With the help & words of wisdom from everyone on this forum (& Graham's site which, incidentally, I use daily like a dictionary) I am totally focused now. I'm not saying that on the day I won't be nervous but I'm not scared like I was before. How are you doing? X
Fear is a great motivator to get out of bed and do the exercises, but it can also be counter productive if we are afraid, and worried, pushing to be better 'just to see' what the result of this operation will be.
I pushed myself way beyond my limits many, many times and look back and wished I hadn't. It hampers recovery, puts you at risk - best simply to accept where we are at any given time, trust that the surgery will get us back on our feet soon...easier said than done, but I know for next time.
Wishing you well at 7 weeks, you getting there! I hope you are feeling well?
Absolutely Linda, I feel the same, 'I will know the second time around', the second time around I will be much more relaxed, and will know that it all comes in good time.
At the time I didn't know I was so afraid the operation would not work, and could not pin point my anxiety.
You are absolutely right that many people treat this operation like a broken leg or similar, it is not, nothing like it. Other people's expectations, and managing them was a part of this recovery I was not expecting.
he recovery is far more drawn out with a THP than I ever realised, hence my feeling of not getting better quick enough, add in the pressure from others and you soon feel that you are doing so well. In reality you are recovering perfectly, and in complete tune with your body.
It can not be hurried or rushed. The emotional aspect is the double whammy most do not expect.
I can walk for miles now, barely know my replacement is there when I look after it. I am going for my first picnic today, and although I am a little worried about how I will manage if it is miles away with the baskets etc, or quite how I will get down the floor and back up again 'elegantly'....I know now to leave when I get tired now regardless of the opinion of others whom have probably completely forgotten this operation even took place!!
Could not have said it better myself Rose l am 3 months in and l have done exactly what you have and felt it.
I am not tecovered l am recovering and again as you said nobody gives a dam cause you look ok on the outside you are healed on the inside everyone thinks.
Oh well said Rose. Such wise words. Everyone has their own journey and it has its ups and downs. We are all so determined to get better we push oursleves too hard. In some ways a bit of pushing can be good for you emotionally as you feel you are making headway but you should always stop and take stock and have a few days of R and R. Keeping positive is good. I agree that friends sometimes forget what you have been through and dont truly understand, but thats OK. I dont think I would have understood before I had my op either.
I thought back to when my husband was in a motorbike accident about 10 years ago. He smashed up his leg and it all had to be pinned back together and he had nasty soft tissue damage that took ages to heal. He was not allowed to weight bear for 6 weeks and in retrospect he was much more compromised than me. He had to have skin grafts which didn't take properly and he had several bouts of cellulitis requiring hospital admission and IV antibiotics. I remember feeling slightly impatient at times I am embarrased to say. He is totally fine now but it was a very worrying time. He has been very good helping me with my recovery which I am very lucky for and quite humbled. I should really tell him this..
Keep going with this positive attitude Rose. I bought a bike and I am going to start back my commute to work. I was a bit nervous getting on the bike for the first time. I had been training on an excercise bike but getting on a proper bike was totally different. I feel like I am 8 years old again. Maybe Ill get stabilisers