The eve of the start of being codeine free

Treatment and medication
1

I am a 30 year old female with a good job in I.T, a beautiful home and the world at my feet YET I have struggled with codeine addiction for the last 7 years. I got off the tablets previously then relapsed a year ago. I do not like the person I have become (moody, tearful, angry, lethargic) and after reaching out to my fiancè and mum tomorrow I am going to the GP to work out a way to get me off the damn stuff! Tapering/reduction doesn't work for me so I am thinking the Dr may suggest methadone or even perhaps cold turkey (again)! This scares the living bejesus out of me but I get married in 4 months and I want more than anything to be 'clean' when I walk down the aisle. Any tips on either the methadone or cold turkey would be appreciated as I am unsure what to expect with methadone but fearful of going through cold turkey again.

Will update after appointment tomorrow.

Codeine quit date TBC

2

Hi Miss Fairy ;-)

I won't bore you with my history, just to say I was addicted to a legal Heroin called Oxycontin. (Just look on the site for my many posts about the struggles I had)

I don't know where you're from but, the addiction Psychiatrist that I see now says that I am the only one in the county of Derbyshire that gets help to come off the Oxy with methadone. Every other person he treats, are Heroin addicts.

You need to contact a charity in London called "Release" just Google them. There number is:

02073242972

I can honestly hand on heart say, that these people saved my life with the help & support they provided so Please, please give them a ring. They really are angels sent from God to help anyone & everyone.

I really was suicidal till I spoke with Claire at Release. Every single door that was slammed shut in my face when I needed help to get off this drug from hell that the manufacturers Purdue Pharma have been found over $640million in lawsuits for, Release & Claire opened those doors up for me to get help.

Please call them, I promise you miss Unicorn ;-) it will be the best most helpful phone call you have ever made in your life!!!

All the very best

Loads a love

Ritchie xx

3

I'm on day 5 of cold turkey from a codeine dependence lasting, I think, about three years. Past 5 days have been hard but have felt the most real I've had in years. It's been so hard but it's steps along a right path. Please keep your chin up, you're not alone. Educate yourself, get as much information about dependence as you can. The articles I've read this past few days I could have written myself. It's common. Scarily common. Keep moving forward no matter how hard, the pain just reminds you that you're alive. You're so brave x

4

I so relate to your story I got addicted to codeine 11 years ago I'm a mum had a good job now in am still battling I was placed on subutex and if I'd known that 11 years later I would still be struggling I personally would have gone down the cold turkey route yes it's hell but will be over so much more quicker than taking the methadone or subutex journey I know it's much easier said than done but I've gone through 2 detoxes to try and get off subutex and about to embark on a home detox on 5th June I've lost my career my house thank god I still have my lovely son I'm so scared as after the previous 2 detoxes the post acute withdrawal was so terrible I relapsed but at a much stronger dose of codeine. I feel for you am so glad you have support of your family i wish you every success with your recovery codeine addiction is so misunderstood if you want any one to talk too please contact me I'm now 47 and still battling I was your age when it all began i really wish you well also have you read diary of a painkiller addict cathrynkemp real life story of her recovery it's a good insight xx

5

I was placed on 8mg subutex for a 6 months codeine addiction and still struggling to come off this awful tablet is start my 3rd detox on 5th June am terrified as I have never been able to overcome the post acute withdrawal which the addiction team say doesn't exist my GP won't help have you any advice you can give me this has robbed me off 11 years of my life any advice would be gratefully received I have no one

6

Hi Tez.

I feel for you Sweetheart I really do.

It's ok for the addiction team to say it doesn't exist, but, HELLO!!! You are living proof that it does!!

This is so very frustrating for you, your GP will not do anything because they believe it's down to the addiction team to help you!

I'm in the same boat at the moment, my GP won't give me anything for my Degenerative disc Desease in my back as he won't go against the addiction Psychiatrist I'm seeing.

The addiction Psychiatrist believes it's down to the pain clinic to give me something.

The pain clinic won't see me because there is nothing more they can do. It's a vicious circle. All the while I've more than halved my dose of methadone wanting to get off the stuff, forgetting it also acts as a pain killer.

I'm really sorry I can't offer any advice Tez only to say ring Release that I mentioned earlier in another post. They will help you & offer advice. I didn't know where to turn before I contacted them, I was suicidal & they helped me so very much.

Take care

Ritchie xx

7

Thanks so much for your kind words and what a terrible vicious circle you are in it must be so hard yet still cutting down your methadone that takes some doing especially as your in so much pain I feel for you once we become addicts I personally think we don't get treated like other patients just get passed about from pillar to post i wish you all the luck in the world xx I will Google and phone that placertain thankyou so much xx

8

It's my pleasure Tez.

I was a senior manager before all this with a lovely Lexus car & £50k per yr. Now I have nothing at all.

They stopped my ESA payments over a month ago because they said I'm "fit to work" even though my GP says I'm not fit to work.

Going to a tribunal now so we will see what happens.

But, you're so very right. You get treated like something that you've stepped in!! I have been saying this for ages now. There's no respect whatsoever & it's very very wrong!

Anyway, good luck & please do ring Release, they are amazing caring people & they will help you

Take care

Ritchie xx

9

I am in the same boat - not sure how long ive been taking N+ but its got to up to three packs daily now. So easy with being OTC. Am on day 4 of cold turkey - always get this far and get through the worst bits before thinking - i can easily do this, no need to stop, i dont have a problem. Not sure ive ever lasted longer than 2 weeks off and 1 packet always leads to a slippery slope. Cant tell anyone which makes it so much more difficult to cope with.

Good luck on your journey.

10

Matt is know how you feel wen you say you can't tell anyone it's like it's our guilty secret I was exactly like you but honestly if you can push yourself to keep going it will be so worth it if at the time of my addiction if they had said right you can either follow a taper plan or cold turkey yes it will be hard but day by day you will eventually get better instead of sticking me on a stupid amount of subutex for 11 years I just so wish I had gone cold turkey as it would have all been over now instead I'm 47 and still battling to get off the subutex which is horrendous please try and stay strong and keep going with the cold turkey you so don't want to end up like me plse contact me if you need support with this I will help all I can xx

11

Well done and keep going it will be so worth it i so wish I had done it instead of going down the subutex path and now trying to get off that keep strong your on the road to recovery keep us posted lots of luck xx

12

Cathryn Kemps book is a really great read. Her addiction was to Fentanyl which is really strong, it was one of the first books that I read when I realised that I had a big problem with the Oxycontin.

I've also thought about writing a book all about the issues that I had & everything that I went & am still going through.

Especially when I was never told about the Oxycontin, I wasn't even told, or didn't even know what an opiate was.

Especially when I think back & realise That, at the time I was prescribed all that Oxycontin, Purdue Pharma the manufacturers, had already been fined many many $millions for saying the drug wasn't addictive.

13

Your right that book is brilliant how these powerful drugs are given out so easy I have no idea it makes my codeine addiction look weak I can't belive these drug companies are getting away with it they should be made to pay the innocent victims for destroying their lives. You should write your book I would definitely read it I've been meaning to write one for years unfortunately the subutex just fogs my head and cant get it together but then I remember the hell of being off subutex you can't read a book let alone write one you can't watch TV you can't do sod all but I've got to get off it i was lucky I got a apology of the drug and alcohol team who now say I should never have been prescribed subutex in the first place but 11 years ago things were different plus it was addaction then not inclusion so sorry for messing 11 years of your life up but try to focus on the future as coming off subutex isn't that hard omg I could scream when they say it i can't be the only one surely why can't they just say yes it can be hell their constant denial makes me mistrust all medical people x

14

It's so very wrong Tez, it really is, and what you said about being treated differently is so correct!!

Apologies if I have already told you this as my memory is totally shot due to all that Oxycontin i took for years.

It's also the cause apparently of my zero testosterone level which, upto date ive had 2 hormone replacement injections which, as of yet hasnt helped me.

I was also diagnosed with Severe mixed sleep apnoea in December, where after being monitored, it was found that I actually stop breathing in my sleep on average, 80 times per hour!!

I don't know if you know but, I was put on all that Oxycontin for "Degenerative disc Desease" in my lower back, it was caused from years of hand stacking 1000's of concrete slabs per day for years even before manual handling was ever thought of.

I will cut a very very long story short now lol!!

Back in January 2016, I went back to the "Pain Clinic" at my local hospital after having 3 lots of injections into my discs that didn't help me.

At that time I was taking roughly 1500mgs of Oxycontin per day! Bearing in mind someone not opiate tolerant, 60mgs would kill them!!!!

The consultant at the Pain Clinic wrote a note to my new GP stating that the most pressing issue was to get me off the Oxycontin as I was also very suicidal at that time. This stuff really did & has destroyed my life!

Anyway, after getting the Oxycontin replaced by 115mils of methadone daily to hold off the withdrawals, as I was the only person in Derbyshire & still am according to the addiction team, that has been placed on methadone to get off prescription drugs as it's always Heroin addicts that get methadone, I reduced the dose to 50mils off my own back.

I was referred back to the pain clinic as I live in agony daily (currently, the 50mils of methadone is all I take)

I got a phone call from the pain clinic yesterday saying that the GP's referral has been refused by the consultant as there is nothing more they can do for me.

I honestly don't know where to go from here, am I supposed to live in agony every day for the rest of my life???

The pain clinic have even suggested to my GP that they up the dose of methadone!! WTF!!!!!

I really do have to laugh or I would just crack up!!

I will let you know what happens next!

You take care

Ritchie xx

15

Omg your story is so shockingly sad it's a utter disgrace the way you are being treated and how on earth are you expected to live in agony you have managed to beat your addiction and you need all the support you can get yet bizarrely they are making everything so much more harder for you it is a tragic story I think you should definitely write that book. I would have cracked up so good on you for not. Can you believe they suggested I go on methadone for my codeine addiction! !! That's madness as well just wish I'd never gone to these so called addiction specialists who just don't seem to have a clue but then firstly my GP said there was no such thing as codeine addiction then the next GP sends me there. Wow I don't know what to say except keep up the fight but what a absolute nightmare. Please do let me know how you get on i wish you all the luck in the world in the hope something more positive happens soon. Xx

16

Thank you Tez & yes, it really has been a total nightmare. You trust your GP don't you!! Well, I trusted mine & it really did destroy my life & I'm not exagerating either.

I had never ever touched any type of drugs before this, I get put on this stuff & all of a sudden I've gone from a Senior Manager role on £50k pa with a sporty top spec Lexus on my drive to absolutely Nothing. The DVLA have even taken my driving licence away because of my depression, methadone & severe sleep apnoea.

I don't blame them at all, even though I've never fallen asleep while driving, the last thing I need on my conscience is someone's death because I fell asleep while driving God forbid!!!

Thank you so much for your comments Tez, it means such a lot to me in this struggle. Once I got over the addiction I thought that was it, I had cracked it lol, but I guess it's just the very start of the fight that we all have to face hey!!???

Please do stay in touch with me, it would be really great to meet up someday & discuss our many battles we have had to face in this sad, sick & very perverted world that we struggle with on a daily basis!!!

I'm so sorry to pour my issues out on you, as you're facing your own battles that you need to get through!

I just hope & prey that there is someone to help you through the struggles that you're facing also on a daily basis!!!

God bless you & I prey that you will get through this!!

Take care

Ritchie xx

17

Thank you Tez.

At times I've almost given up, looked out over the balcony of my flat and said,

"ok, goodbye cruel world, you've beat me"

Lol, then I just see my daughter's faces & think don't be so stupid!!!

But that's just how the system makes you feel at times!! I think, ok, I'm 49yrs old & I've worked damn hard all my life since the age of 14. And what do I have to show for it!!!.

I was divorced 9yrs ago, the house was sold that I built an extension on, turned it from a 2 bed bungalow into a 4 bed house.

I paid all the bills, bought the weekly shop etc etc, my ex paid for nothing!

When the house was sold as part of the divorce, she walked away with over £96k, I walked away with £18k, £17k of my share I had to use to pay off the loan I took out in my name stupidly,(as she didn't come to the bank), the loan was solely for her to get a new car, she ended up with the new car & I had to pay off the loan for it!!!

She had over £96k & after I'd paid her loan off, she had a new car & I was left with £800 to start my life over again.

Hahahaha, like I said, I could really write a book but, I don't think I'm in any fit state to do it yet!! But, I am determined to one day though Tez. I think I need too!!!

Ritchie xx

18

I know that feeling to well of jumping off a balcony but knowing my luck would end up paralysed and on excuse the pun blinking high dose painkillers.also I have a brilliant 13 year old son he doesn't know my true battle as also have underactive thyroid so disguise it as that I live in constant fear he will find out and think so badly of me but if it wasn't for him I wouldn't be hear today. I worked 3 jobs to buy my first house drove a nice car but also chose the wrong man who was mentally and physically cruel but that's a different story. Had a good job now live in housing association house living week to week lost everything apart from my beautiful son and parents am very lonely as keep myself to myself because of my condition am 47 feel 97 ha I also thought when I left the detox which took place in a acute psychiatric assessment centre omg the stories I could tell from being in their lol where do you live I'm originally from Essex but now live in March a boring small town in Cambridgeshire but if all this ever gets sorted would love to move down to Cornwall just like cathyrno kemp did. Please write your book and please keep in touch though both times after I've been detoxed I just go completely withdrawn want to hide away hey maybe we could support each other i feel for you i really do I emailed that place release they have already emailed me back questioning why the hell did they prescribe subutex for codeine addiction and given me a telephone number so thanks for that. Are we allowed to exchange our email addresses on here to xx

19

I'm so pleased you got In touch with Release, they really are amazing & will help you.

I know what you mean about your son, I wouldn't be here also if it wasn't for my two daughters!!

I will write that book one day, if only to help others in a similar situation that have nowhere to turn for help with there addiction!!

I'm not sure about email addresses to be honest.

Emis Moderator comment: I have removed the email address as we do not publish these in the forums. If users wish to exchange contact details please use the Private Message service.

http://patient.uservoice.com/knowledgebase/articles/398331-private-messages

20

My last message to you included my email address.

It says "waiting to be moderzted" so i guess the answer is No, you cannot use email address???