the relief i get from cutting

Mental health
1

first off i will say i cut myself daily its become normal for me to cut before i have to face the world and go through my front door if i get through it at all im not suicidal yeah ive thought about it but never planned it theres a difference i know i couldnt go as far as to hurt myself so bad as to end it all because i hopefully one day will beat this when i feel strong enough when im through this thick fog im in but the relief is unreal even if its just for them few moments im careful i use new blades and always clean up afterwards i will say sorry if im typing away things people dnt understand i get confused alot

im having CBT which personally for me i dont feel any benifit from at all in fact makes me feel more like a failiure the more i go to the sesssions and always feel like there reading me something out of a text book showing me a diagram here and there giving me a leaflet and a diary of what i do all day everyday how does this help me well i know it doesnt work for everyone but still i go

 

anyway im just on a rant had a bad nights sleep again ive always managed to sleep but over the past months its been getting less and less ive had sleeping tablets and yeah they make me sleep abit better with the mirtazipine i take every night but never more than i couple of hours think im losing the plot ive tried meditation ways to relax more but all i can say is nothing gives me more relife than when i cut myself im so down and so tired 24-7 its getting harder and harder ive no friends no one i can talk to family dont really care ive tried to reach out to them im unemployed i dont really go out because of the fear im not a people person anyore i push people away i dont like open spaces hate small spaces but this is my life im not normal i didnt used to be like this i had family friends and job was a very social person always surrounded my self in others but always felt different in the back of my mind i new something wasnt right anyway think ive gone on long enough with this so will bid you all a good day or night

 

this is me how do i change ?

2

Right, so there is quite a lot to tackle here. First of.. the main rule with therapy is that you get out what you put in. So the more effort you put in the more it will help. However, since you are cutting so regularly, I would speak to your mental health nurse about doing DBT instead, which can be very useful with self harming.

Secondly, I think you should google something called a Crisis Box. It is basically a box you make up yourself full of distraction techniques to do before you self harm. The issues is that the cutting has become a habit rather than a genuine release, so you will have to work hard to break the habit, but it is possible. Maybe try turning to the box just once a week for 4 weeks, then twice a week for 4 weeks. It takes 6 weeks to make or break a habit. You keep doing something for that long and the habit will be over. That being said you should take things slowly so you don't revert back.

With your cutting, are you being safe? Make sure you are sterilising your blades, not repeatedly going over the same areas, allowing each area to either air dry if it isn't too deep (ie it stops bleeding on it's own in 10 minutes providing you leave it alone) and if it is deep put an appropriate sized dressing on it and use a pressure bandage to put pressure on it for at least 20 minutes, keeping the dressing dry and leaving it on for 2 days, then leaving it to air for a couple of hours then redress if needed. Make sure the skin is clean before you cut, and use an antiseptic cream like germaline on it to keep it clean (providing the cuts aren't too deep). Just basic first aid stuff to make sure you are keeping yourself as safe as possible.

As for sleep, tablets aren't the answer. You need to Google Sleep Hygiene (I will post a link shortly). It will teach you how to train yourself to go to sleep. It is the only long term treatment for insomnia, and other sleep issues like sleeping too much. You must stick to the rules completely. You should notice an improvement quickly but keep doing it for a few months at the very least.

I wish I had a magic wand I could wave to make you all better, but the truth with mental illness is that you have to help yourself. I will do all I can to give you the tools and advice you need but only you can put it in to action and decide to make it work for you.

If you feel your depression isn't under control, maybe you need to see your GP about changing the dose of your Mirtazapine or changing the medication if it isn't working for you.

You are you. Your mental illness/es don't define you. They aren't who you are... they are something you have that you have to deal with. I have PTSD. I am also funny, smart, intuitive, a mother, a sister, a daughter, a friend... I am a lot of things other than all the mental and physical illnesses I have.

You can be whoever you want to be. If there is one thing mental illness is very good at it is making you strong, even when you don't realise it. I promise if you put the work in, even when you don't want to, even when you don't think it is working, even when you just want to curl up in bed and watch rubbish on the TV... you can, and you WILL beat this.

3

Here is a link to the NHS website regarding Sleep Hygiene. You can also google it as there are some great websites out there, including a great page by the sleep foundation. I really think this will help you. xx

http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/Insomnia/Pages/Treatment.aspx

https://patient.info/health/insomnia-poor-sleep

Emis Moderator comment: I have added a link to our leaflet on Insomnia as well.

4

thanks angel for all your advice will try all of it its really appreciated at this point im willing to try anything so big thankyou again just hope something starts to pick up for me as i am starting to feel abit desperate

5

Do you know what.. I think sleep deprivation is one of the worst things that our bodies do to us... there is a reason it is used as torture in some places. I genuinely believe that if you get your sleep in order, you will feel better able to cope with everything else, and I have just been reading through the link the Moderator added, and it is abslutely spot on so make sure you read it! lol. Things will pick up, they always do. We just have to be more patient than we want to be sometimes!