The worst part about Anxiety is the guilt

Mental health
1

Hello,

Sorry posting again. 

Me and my partner live alone, we do not have a lot of close family or friends. We both work full time and go out together as much as possible. However lately with Anxiety I feel more of a burden than a partner. We are both young and only 25. Engaged / together for 8 years.

The problem is when I am on my own for the day say while she is at work. My anxiety skyrockets. Panic attacks come from not knowing what to do with myself, I generally have nothing to focus on, nowhere to go, nothing to see and get frustrated wasted my time on games. I have signed up for multiple courses on Udemy just to pass the time. It's made my mood really low. Waking up with nothing to do is horrible. I struggle to do things on my own like going the shops, either because of the fear of anxiety or because I am so shaky and have become a bit isolated lately. I use to love cycling and the gym but even that is a struggle.

When my partner comes home, I am fine / more relaxed, we laugh, chat and have a good time. I just can't cope being on my own with my anxiety lately. I don't say how bad I have been or upset. However, on days when I am really bad, I just avoid doing things either because of my low mood or exhausted from wearing myself out worrying. She understands to a point. 

Yesterday for example, I couldn't even manage shopping and had to wait in the car due to the physical effects of anxiety. Work is getting harder and harder, I just want to quit and I get this overwhelming sense of guilt because I am not being fair on my partner at all.  My low mood is definitely rubbing off on her (she has suffered severe depression before, so can relate to an extent) which I am worried about.

How can we get out of this rut?

We are meant to be buying our first house soon (second time, after the first fell through) and I am sure I have mild / low depression at the moment and it's making me question whether a house purchase is right given the fact I am struggling so much at work now. I am not motivated by work as it is due to mind numbingly boredom of my day. Being bored at work and at home is a very bad combination

I know Anxiety isn't forever (hopefully) but there must be a way to ease it.

any advice would be greatly appreciated. 

Currently not medicating. I tried Fluoxetine and that caused me to have about 2 months off work on and off with side effects. Lucky to still have my job. I have Sertraline to try, but not sure I am ready yet

 

2

Hi again Thomas. I read your post and was going to reply until I wondered if you were the same person who had just posted about having achey legs - so I had a quick check.

No wonder your body is aching...

It sounds to me like you have a very loving relationship with your partner and missing her or feeling a little anxious or lost in her absence is normal...but battling anxiety on a daily basis which is so severe that it leaves you exhausted is not good.

If you don't feel ready to take medication then I would really recommend that you try and seek counselling. I strongly believe in therapy and would recommend this for you both with or without medication.

I noticed the part in which you say you have lost interest in some activities that require you to leave the house as well as feeling too tired to go shopping... This to me sounds like depression as I also experience this.

Anxiety and guilt is very common and this is where the depression can creep in. Sometimes it feels like a chore just to leave the house and often we make excuses not to -unless it is to go somewhere that we feel absolutely comfortable (or work.)

So again I do recommend counselling to help you better understand what you are feeling.

Talk with your partner. Never close the doors of communication, this way you can support each other. As you say your partner battles depression herself (or has done,) seeing a counselling will give you someone to talk to when you feel you cannot pile too much into your partner.

Moving.... Well, now. That IS stressful! Make sure this is a step that you both are truly ready to take. In terms of your job, once you move and are settled in you do not have to stay at the same job...most people that I know staid with jobs they did not like before moving and left to pursue something they wanted shortly after.

You sound like you want to do things but feel apprehensive. Again, talking things through really will help you and will make you feel less alone.

It isn't your fault. Everyone finds something difficult and everyone has their own issues in life, both with themselves and with other things. Please don't feel guilty...

Both you and your partner will be fine - be there for each other.

3

Hello Thomas,

Try to take a moment to identify the positives in your life. It sounds as though you have a very loving relationship with your partner that has lasted the distance and is going from strength to strength. This is something that many people would be envious about and you should consider yourself lucky to have found a special someone. 

I think that you should aim to take small steps at a time rather than expecting to do too much at once and look to rediscover your love of the gym and cycling. I would also certainly visit your GP to see if you can have CBT therapy for your anxiety. Try to get out in the fresh air as much as possible, even if it is simply walking to the end of your road. 

Try to remember the positives in your life and appreciate your girlfriend and let her know just how special she is to you and how much you love her.

I wish you all the very best.

4

I am currently on sertraline, day 4 and I am miserable. The side effects are terrible. I'm having anxiety about taking my anxiety medication because I know it's going to make me feel like crap. I have to go back to work tomorrow and I don't even know how I'm going to do that. I think I started out with some social anxiety but I ignored it for so long that it finally came to a point were I was crying and having panic attacks all the time. I sought counseling but it only helped so much. I thought medication would help me calm down but so far all its done is give me anxiety on steroids. I thinking about taking the medicine at night tonight in hopes of sleeping. Through some of the worst of it.