There is light at the end of the tunnel

Mental health
1

Hi guys 

        I just wanted to post this to give hope to recovery opiate addicts ....and allthough ive told some of this before heres the full story 

         for 8 years i was taking methadone of varying amounts ( average 40mg daily ) .. however after a medical scare 2 years ago i was convinced it was caused by the methadone ( which is actualy wasnt ) i decided to quit ...

          as with all opiates but especially methadone this wasnt gonna be easy .. however i managed to taper myself down to 5mg daily and then asked for help from the local drug service ... they then got me down by 1ml every 2 weeks ( they actually wanted to do 2.5mg every 2 weeks but i insisted it was me doing the final taper and they agreed to 1ml every 2 weeks ) 

          well it seemed ok when i took my last 1ml dose but around 4 weeks later i was anxious and had strange thoughts of hostility and some paranoia ....

          2 weeks after i stopped i also discovered the medical problem which made me stop was actually a thorasic slipped disc ( yeh of all times to stop strong painkillers ) 

         well the 5 months after stopping was a struggle ... but around may this year ( 7 months after stopping ) .. things started to get better ... the gabapentin i take for the slipped disc are starting to work and i have significantly more energy... also a neurosurgeon is looking at my mri scan and as allready took a keen interest in it as thorasic slipped discs are rare (less than 1% of all slipped discs )  ... this has given me more reasons to be positive 

         ive seen many posts on here of people having problems quitting opiates and in some cases going back to them as they prefer the feeling to real life 

        and thats the problem .. using opiates especially strong ones such as methadone cushion everyday problems and stress,so when its stopped these problems can be amplified as theres no opiates to make these less stressful 

       so thats what makes the first 6 months to a year so tough ,,,but as the title of this post states "there is light at the end of the tunnel " ... you need to be strong and stronger than you have ever been before ...and seek support from your gp,drug worker and family .. but at the end of the day its you thats important and you need to focus on the future ,, every day will be easier but dont expect to feel better overnight 

          note : .. all opiates react to the body differently and im going off methadone .. others such as codeine may not give such severe post withdrawal symptoms ( PAWS ) 

          but stick with it guys ... it can be done... as they say "CHOOSE LIFE "

          best luck to all who are battling opiate addiction ... i wish you the best 

      brian 

2

Thanks for this post Brian and very well done mate, you deserve so much credit for breaking free from this, you have done so well & should feel very very proud of yourself! Well done!!!

I was addicted to close on 1500mgs per day of Oxycontin & I won't bore with all the history of my struggles as it's on here somewhere! (I keep thinking i need to write a book on my story about how it destroyed my life etc, I hope to do so one day)

I was originally put on Oxycodone for degenerative disc disease in my lower back, and it did help with my pain. Then my GP at the time put me onto the Oxycontin & the rest is history.

I got so fed up with all the side effects that I wanted off it & that's when all my original problems swapped for the ones I now face.

I was placed on 115mils of methadone daily, after a few weeks I dropped it down to 90 mils, I'd take 50 supervised & bring 40mils back with me, as a split dose. It got to the point where, I was forgetting to take the 40mil So, I thought to myself, if you can do this for so many days, drop to 50mil. That's what I did & I've been on 50mil ever since (for, around 2months now) with no real side effects.

My degenerative disc disease is now much worse, to the point where, yesterday, with the aid of a walking stick, it took me 15minutes to walk around 100mtrs. I was in absolute agony, every muscle in my lower back locked up & burned as if it was on fire!!

My new GP referred me back to the pain clinic to see what pain relief they could offer, they refused the referral!!!!!! All they said was, put the methadone dose back up!!!

I could not believe their response, why would I do that???

It never really helped with my pain anyway, even though it is supposed to be a pain killer?!!!!

So, now all I'm taking daily is 50mils of methadone.

My addiction psychiatrist wanted him, my GP & the pain clinic to work together to help with the Pain I suffer 24/7. Now the pain clinic don't want to know, I'm trying to get the addiction psychiatrist to talk to my GP to say "try him on this" etc but I'm banging my head against a brick wall.

Sometimes I think I would've been better staying on all that Oxycontin where at least my pain would be much less but, if I had, I would probably be dead right now!!

I just need some pain relief & it's so very hard to get the people that can sort it, to actually sort it!!!

My aim is to be methadone free as there is this misconception that people take it to get high. I could've taken 3 x the amount & it would never have effected me at all. It did what it was designed to do, to stop withdrawals from all the Oxy I was taking & that's exactly what it did!!!

I will keep pestering the ones that can help me until they get so sick of me, they will actually help me!! Until that day comes, I guess I'll just have to suffer in pain.

But, again Brian, very well done to you mate for sticking at it & becoming free from it. You deserve so much praise for doing it as unless you've actually been there, no one will ever know that it's the hardest thing that anyone will ever face in their life time!!!

Well done mate, well done 👍

Take care

Ritchie x

3

Oh, sorry I forgot to add that, in readiness for the appointment with the Pain clinic, my addiction psychiatrist wanted me to take certain other drugs for so many weeks, just to prove to the pain clinic that it wasn't about addiction at all & I just wanted to be free from all the pain. So, for so many weeks I took Gabapentin, I also took Naproxen for so many weeks, then amitriptyline for so many weeks. I even after realising nothing helped, took Gabapentin & Naproxen together (under the addiction psychiatrist say so) again, nothing helped with my pain.

So as I said, I'll keep suffering until I get some help. No one should have to live 24/7 With pain.

Ritchie x

4

Thankyou so much for your story of hope not long now until I begin my detox of subutex placed on for codeine addiction I've never managed to get through the paws but this time I'm determined well done you i can imagine the paws after methadone must be a lot harder but you've shown us it can be done that's brilliant it's so great to hear a success story. One thing that is eating away at me is i feel angry at the drugs team for prescribing me subutex for quite a mild codeine addiction I certainly didn't need to be on a dose of 8mg it made my behaviour go bizarre over the years I have asked them about it and they said that 10 years ago that was the only treatment for codeine addiction and there isn't a proper comparison chart to determine the strength of subutex prescribed I'm sure their must be anyway they said I should not dwell on it and look forward not back am I wrong to feel angry at the decision that was made and the years spent onearly subutex and the havoc it caused me it's just niggling away at me? ??anyway this time I'm determined I really thankyou for your story i am going to keep posting and hopefully I will end up posting a success story x well done xx

5

Ritchie I was wondering how you were doing i really really hope they can get something sorted for you it must be horrendous to live in constant pain I am so so sorry and you've achieved so much please keep fighting for the help you deserve though you shouldn't have to fight, when I read stories like yours it makes mine look so trivial I'm ashamed. Write that book you are so brave keep in touch xx

6

Tez,

Please Sweetheart, NEVER, EVER, feel guilty, NEVER!!!!!!!! ok???

You took this because that's what the "Professionals" put you on, and you trusted them. Just as I trusted my GP when she plied my body with all that legal Heroin that was enough of a dose to actually kill 3 people, (plus a couple of horses &#128521

You really are gonna do this & you will & can beat it.

I spent the last 2 days in a cancer ward as company for my partners mum. She had just got over breast cancer & now she's got bone cancer but, I've NEVER, in my life met a stronger woman than she is. She said that this may bend her but, it will NEVER, ever break her & her faith in God is so so very strong, I actually believe her.

My point is, with being at the hospital, I took 50mils of methadone at 8.a.m on Thursday morning & due to delays etc due to nurse shortages in the cancer ward, I didn't take my other 50mils until 5.p.m on Friday evening. So I went a total of 33 hours without methadone. Even though I had on me a 40mil spare all the time, I didn't want to take it as I save it for emergencies if the clinic ever cock up, (you know how you said you get treated differently!!!) Even though my vision was starting to play up, I was yawning a lot & my eyes were running & I was starting to ache etc, I stuck it out till I got back home to take the 50mils from the pharmacy.

Just goes to show that mind over matter really can & does work!!!

You really are gonna beat this come 5th June Tez, I believe in you that you can, and will do it.

Ritchie xx

7

Sorry Tez,

I didn't mean to put guilty, my mistake!!!

What I meant was, that you have every right to feel very angry, not guilty for feeling that anger. I'm Sorry!!!!

You should feel angry, as I do.

These idiots from Purdue Pharma that manufactured the stuff I was put on that destroyed my life, but paid their sales managers a yearly bonus of over $250k for Killing people, I'm angry at them!!!

I'm angry also at my old GP who put me on this legal Heroin, with out ever telling me that it was very addictive. Even though all of the other GP's at the same practice had a go at her for putting me on such a high dose.

So Tez, I share In your anger and you have every damn right to feel that anger.

We put our trust & faith in these so called Professionals & some, (not all, as I believe very many nurses & Drs should be paid their weight in gold) but some, well........... I can't put on here what I feel about Purdue Pharma & the GP that has totally destroyed my life

Ritchie xx

8

Thank you so much for your kind words it's so helpful getting support from someone who actually knows x my best wishes sent to your partners mum she sounds inspirational bless her xxx we all will keep fighting and I pray one day we all end up winners kindest wishes xx

9

Tez,

You really are a diamond Sweetheart with a true heart of gold & when I think about all the murdering, evil Scum that freely walk our streets & then there are people like you who are suffering through no fault of their own!!!

This is such a very, very sad, sick, evil, twisted perverted world we live in & it just seems the evil ones get what ever they want in life & the decent, hardworking, law abiding genuine people that actually really do care, have to really suffer!!

I honestly think sometimes that Hell is what we are living right now!!

Like I said, I can be a right pain (pardon the punn) lol when the mood takes me & i will keep on nagging them until they can help me.

I suppose it's different for me because I do actually need some form of pain relief.

Yesterday was the worst when I realised it took me 15 minutes to hobble over a 100mtrs. I had to keep stopping as i couldnt bare the pain.

I've never been one for the gym but, how I describe it is, you work your muscles till they really really ache, then you keep going till they really burn & you don't know how to stand or in what position to ease that burning, that's what hit me yesterday, I honestly thought I would have to ring my dad to get in his car, to pick me up to drive me another 100metres to my flat.

But, I struggled through it, there are much worse off than me that need help!!

But, I do really wish you well Tez & I know, that come 5th June, you will beat this, and I will be here for you to offer whatever support I can. Even though it won't be much help to you just reading comments etc but, I'll still be here because I know that you've got this, you really have!!!

Ritchie xx

10

thanks ritchie 

         the problem is ( and doctors dont understand this ) when painkillers of any kind are taken for proper pain ( such as disc problems ) the chance of addiction is 80% less than if taken for recreational purposes ... and in some cases people can stop taking them with little or any withdrawal 

          personally i wouldnt recommend stopping methadone purely to say your free of opiates ... if it helps then i would either stick at the 50ml or just taper down to 30ml and see how it goes ... then at 30ml you are at the dose were you can move to subutex .... however unlike tez who,a been on it for years ( which was wrong and ive mentioned this in one of her posts ) you can ( if you wish ) taper off the subutex which is ( supposedly ) easier than methadone 

          but theres no quick fix .... completely coming off opiates is a royal pain in the backside and allthough the physical symptoms can be controlled with meds the mental side is the tough one ... its damn hard but can be done ....

         thanks for your kind words and i wish you all the best mate ...lets show the medical community were sick of being used as lab rats and becoming addicted to drugs they prescribe ... ( and making the drug companys millions ) 

           best wishes 

              bri 

11

Thank you for such kind words I'm having a terrible situation at the moment finicially wise and in a right mess and never going to get through having bad panic attacks at moment in a state will post when calmed down a bit I feel suicidal atm just got noone xx

12

So sorry for thoughtless last post just got in a terrible state over personal sh*t and felt like was going to break down you are so right the twisted mean evil people get away with everything in that I include the father of my son who put me through so much mental and physical abuse over the years wat kind of man discolates a woman's shoulder locks her in a bedroom so I resort to jumping out the window nearly breaking my legs in the process, drugs you and cuts off my long hair in my sleep threatens to kill your family if you leave in the end the house I worked 3 jobs to buy my car well he got everything and I had to plan my escape with my son who was 4 months who he shook this hateful man has now moved into the same small town as me with his new family I feel sick to my stomach, sorry for my outburst your pain must be absolutely horrific I am so sorry I will never trust a dr GP or drugs support worker again just a thought but would getting in touch with your mp help your situation I don't know the only dear friend who knows about my situation has often told me to contact mine but I've been made to feel like a hopeless addict over the years I've no self confidence sorry again for the rant but when your totally alone it was either write it on hear or run down the street screaming lol it would be good to get a painkiller addiction support group going unless their already is one but we are treated like crap from the health service who wrote the prescriptions in the first place rant over gnite xx

13

Please try to keep your chin up & don't give in.

I'm similar, the fantastic DWP assessed me & said I was fit to work, even though my GP says I'm unable too.

I haven't had any payments at all since 11th April.

I found out after getting a copy of the assessors notes that she has actually blatantly lied. I wasn't even asked some questions to gain any points so I'm now waiting for a tribunal date.

I had a letter from council wanting to know why my rent hasn't been paid.

I'm not gonna let them get away with telling lies about me.

I've worked damn hard since I was 14yrs old till I got this & found it impossible. Now I'm gonna fight them because I refuse to let them get away with it.

There are loads out there who play system but I'm not one of them. But they just tar everyone with the same brush & it's very wrong.

Keep going. You'll get there. Just keep fighting

Ritchie xx

14

Thanks Bri,

My problem is I'm suffering really badly with my back still. And even though I'm glad I came off all that Oxycontin, I'm now suffering with no pain relief for it as no one seems to want to do anything about it to help.

I'll keep plodding on & keep nagging till someone helps me I suppose.

Take care mate

Ritchie

15

My good god how on earth is that right this is shocking they declare you are fit too work your in pain 24/7 I despair I really do how you manage to keep going I applaud you. I think I have.my next assessment next April or can they do it anytime? This is one of the things wat tipped me to relapse after my first detox I was on esa in the work activity group and 2 days after leaving detox they decided I was fit too work I was so ill I missed a appointment and sanctioned etc etc but was so mentally unwell and was staying at my parents who were able to help eventually I was reassessed and the mental decline had worsened I was signed off until April 2019

16

To be assessed April 2018 I am hoping by this time I will be well enough to return too work but the fact that inclusion will not put in my medical notes about paws and how it can sometimes last so long is frustrating but if they have declared you fit too work I won't stand a chance. I'm not trying to fleece the system like many and too worked from the age of 14 till 40 and would love to be well enough to return to work but these people haven't a clue a bloody clue I'm having a real battle with depression at moment and I know it's going to get worse before better but this world we live in is so wrong I don't know wether to cancel this detox but I'm ill on the subutex so I really want off of it but mentally very fragile and if I cancel might not get the chance for ages what do you think take the plunge or postpone i just don't know xx

17

I'm sorry Tez,

I have only just seen your post about your ex. What a total control freak he was & you're well shot of him now!!

Feel free to rant, you deserve to rant to get it off your chest! Especially after everything you've been through, that was a living nightmare for you, it really was! So don't you ever apologise for having a rant to get it off your chest.

I just don't know how the DWP are allowed to do what they do & get away with it.

I did contact my MP who, to be fair did try to help but, because of the election, parliament has been disbanded or something so I can no longer get hold of him.

You feel free to rant as much as you want.

I know it's very difficult but don't let the B######s get you down ;-)

Ritchie xx

18

Oh Tez,

I would really love to advise you what to do Sweetheart I really would, but, I wouldn't know what to tell you to be honest. I really wish I could help you, it's a horrible position for you to be in.

The one thing I will advise you to do though, is to ring this number: 02073242972

That number is for Release that I told you about. I was suicidal when I rang them & had so many doors slammed in my face that I almost gave up.

Please pluck up the courage to call them, they really are amazing & have been going for over 50years. They have solicitors & specialists in every field & doors that are slammed in your face, they will open for you & even talk to people who can help you on your behalf.

Please ring them, you will be so pleased that you did!!!

Ritchie xx

19

I did that rant last night and think it was held back by the moderator feel a bit stupid now ranting on a public forum oops anyway going to still go ahead with the detox I feel ill on the bloody stuff so may as well get going thing is they say you should be in a good place when you start and all this stuff has just resurfaced of all the towns to live in he has returned here he has no relatives here but i do the thought of stepping out and bumping into him makes me sick to my stomach he should have been in prison for the stuff he did but I' was threatened by his bully brothers and believe me when I did get him arrested once I paid for it! !! Anyway back to the detox it's still going to be done i did email that place and they sent me their number i don't know what they can do for me as it's all to late but will ring them may be if all gets too much can they help with dwp stuff? ? I hope you get your case sorted it's all so wrong so wrong thanks for the words of support when you have noone it means a lot so yes come on 5th June bring it on paws cos every day I suffer I know that evil poison is leaving my body keep up the fight Ritchie xx

20

Congratulations!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am so happy for you and what a wonderful post.

I just got off buphrenorphine and while mty doctor told me to jump off at 2mg  it took me another year and I got down to 0,125 mg every third day for a fre w months and suffered absolutely no WD discomfort whatsover.

Opiiate WD is almost always unpleasant but the key is to taper long and sloooooow.

Its not a race unless you make it one.

My 2cents