If you've read my previous discussion, then you know that recently, my boyfriend of 10 months told me he doesn't love me anymore. His reason was that he's depressed and unable to feel certain emotions. Taking the advice of some people on here and a bunch of my friends and family, I stuck by him. However, he is my ex-boyfriend now. We went on another trip together, however, the next day he broke up with me. He said the obligations that come with a relationship were making him unhappy and he didn't want to feel obligated to care about me. We decided on being best friends, but he wants to do his own thing now and try to start things up again with me in the summer when he's moved back home and is more emotionally stable. He's a great guy when he's not depressed, but these days I don't even know him anymore. Our break up has brought me into a pretty dark place myself. I read the Breakup Bible, which did make me feel a bit better but now I'm at school, alone and lost without him. I'm now reading 100 Days of Solitude, hoping that this book will be another distraction for me. I feel suicidal and alone, I have friends but we've really drifted apart. I spend every second of every day not trying to hurt myself, but its getting harder as time passes.
Hi zugumugu
We note from a recent post which you have made to our forum that you may be experiencing thoughts around self-harm. If we have misinterpreted your comments then we apologies for contacting you directly. But if you are having such thoughts then please note that you are not alone in this, and there are people out there that can help.
If you are having these suicidal thoughts then we strongly recommend you speak to someone who may be able to help. The Samaritans offer a safe space where you can talk openly about what you are going through. They can help you explore your options, understand your problems better, or just be there to listen.
Their contact details are on our patient information leaflet here: https://patient.info/health/dealing-with-suicidal-thoughts, which also offers lots of other advice on how you can access the help you may need.
If you are having such thoughts then please do reach out to the team at the Samaritans (or the other people detailed in our leaflet) who will understand what you're going through and will be able to help.
Kindest regards
Patient
I don’t know what to say...u know when u love someone u feel they pain..support each other but if he’s not meant to be it’s not meant to be..
Hi Zugumugu,
I am so very sorry that you are going through this. I am going through something very similar to your situation with my boyfriend. He is now my ex boyfriend as of about one week ago. He broke up with me for very similar reasons.
I know it’s so difficult and you’re experiencing feelings that you don’t think anyone can understand. I know you don’t think the pain will ever end and you feel lost right now. I get it 110%. I have the same feeling. If you’re anything like me, you feel abandoned. My boyfriend told me that he needed a break. This felt like a betrayal of sorts.
I am bipolar so this has taken me to some dark places over to past few days. I want you to know that there is probably nothing you could have done differently. It’s an internal struggle within him. You aren’t alone even when you feel like you are. You can count on the kindness of others. You wrote this post only a few hours ago and already people are responding because no one wants to see you struggle alone. We can relate to you. There are numerous hotlines with trained counselors you where you can reach out.
I suggest cutting your contact. I know this sounds like it’s impossible. It hurts to do it. For the first 3 days I checked my phone every few minutes. I wanted to text him news articles, songs, inside jokes only he would understand but within a few days it began to get better. I miss him with all of my heart but I began to write in a journal. I pour my feelings out every day. I’m going to let go so that his mind can rest. But also so that my mind can rest. The feelings of rejection and abandonment will weigh on you. Are you on medication? Are you talking with anyone? I know you it hurts now but there is hope. You are not alone!
Hello there I am so sorry that you are hurting so much. My heart goes out to you! I was so hoping that Silence would reach out as she is going through the same thing and can speak both from the heart and experience. Please know we will be here for you. Use us. Diane
Hi I am sorry to hear this. You have learned a valuable lesson though - never let other friends drift away as they are also very important. Never put all your emotional eggs in one basket in future.
I would reconnect as much as possible with your friends and get out and about as this will help you move on faster. x
Thank you so much, your words actually made me feel a lot better and I'm sorry you're going through something so similar. It really is the worst feeling. But I'm not sure if letting him go while he's in this condition is the best idea. The thing is he's truly an amazing guy, he just has clinical depression and he's not himself when he's depressed. I really don't want to abandon him when he's depressed, he may have abandoned me but he's still there for me and does start conversations with me. He's said he feels lifeless and I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I officially walked out of his life at a time like this. Also, he had friends but while we were dating he spent 99.9% of his time with me and his friends really hold a grudge against him for that, and they're barely even friends now. Besides his friends in California, I'm really the only person he has right now that genuinely cares for him. Do you think I should still let go?
Hi Zugumugu,
I'm so sorry about your situation, I am one of the people who replied to your previous post. Your ex's words sound cruel, which could be the depression talking, as you said yourself - you hardly know him anymore. Take heart from the fact that you did your best. Your priority now must be your own well-being. So get back in touch with friends and be kind to yourself. You deserve to be happy!
Hi Zugumugu - break-ups are hard work. Remedies include reconnecting with old friends/making new friends, replacing old habits/rituals with new ones, contemplating the relationship/events from an intellectual perspective rather than an emotional one, accepting that life is never stagnant and that individual growth occurs when things fall apart, that the experience with the ex is part of the scenery on your way to something better, and that you will move past this experience and be all the stronger and wiser for it. Give yourself time and it's okay to grieve. When the dust clears, you may well find all things happened for the best.