Hi. Do skip to the second paragraph to go straight to the point.
I have thoughts about killing myself since 4 years ago and it wasn't as serious but it seems like it's getting worse as time goes by. I used to be able to control my emotions publicly and keeping it to myself, but recently, just recently, my emotions have been very very unstable; upset, angry, disappointed, mostly of the things that I've done to myself. Everyone look at me like I'm just another short tempered person. It shows so much that people just look at it as part of my character. I don't know why but I just seemed to can't control myself at all even when playing sports, which leads me more towards social depression. Well, my younger brother is the opposite of me, which made me feel like I'm the worse person to be alive when my younger brother is exceeding me in every ways. I'm very disappointed with myself in a lot of ways (learning interest /interacting socially VERY slowly which annoys me a lot) that I can't take it anymore. I thought about all through 24 years of my life that I almost died 4 times and that maybe I should be dead.
I'm trying to end myself but I'm giving a lot of reasons. I'm too afraid of the process of killing myself. I wanted to talk it out to someone but whenever I try to talk, people just push me off as a negative personality which I don't know who to talk to anymore. people in Asia (or in general) are just difficult to talk to. I've thought about hanging myself. I have been working for 3 months now and I can only hope I won't wake up when I'm taking a nap during lunch break in my car. I am not taking any pills or anything, even the country I'm living in doesn't provide help for depression.