I have a therapy session tomorrow and am too scared to go. Recently Ive been driving myself crazy overanalysing every interaction I have with someone. Ive also been getting really paranoid thoughts that my flatmate wants to kill me or the flats been bugged so they can spy on me when they arent in! I dont know whats going on with me im paranoid about everything. Im also paranoid because the psychiatrist mentioned that I have traits of bpd and I know how badly thats viewed with mental health professionals. And I just feel like if I go tomorrow everything I tell him that ive been feeling will just make them think that ive got bpd even more than they already do. So I dont feel like I can be honest with him about how Ive been feeling.
im so scared he'll just think im a massive attention seeker and go bitch about me to his colleagues because im wasting his tine!
I don't know who to turn too because I dont trust anybody at the moment so im just shutting myself away in my room. I know that mental health professionals are meant to be non judgmental but ive worked in mental health and know for a fact that this isnt the case! The thing is I dont know why I care so much about what they think but I just hate the thought of people speaking badly about me behind my back
To add Ive also been paranoid about my medication that its messing with my head and will change my personality. Over the last two days I haven't taken it and I know thats bad but I cant bring myself to take it! I darent tell him because he'll think that im attention seeking with that too! Ahh I haven't slept a wink in days ive just been driving nyself crazy with all these thoughts!
I'm bipolar and I honestly don't care what people think. I agree that there is a stigma but we can't be well if we worry about that. If you have bpd, you need to treat it or it will get worse. I totally didn't want to hear I was bipolar and my denial hurt many people including me. Just be honest to your doctor. Trust me, he/she is there to help you. If the doctor is not helping you, find one that will. Trust me, doctors are there to get you better and see mant patients so they aren't taking behind your back. Before I began taking bp meds, I was paranoid. Trust me, it will be okay. Just be honest with your doctor so they can better help you. If you feel your meds aren't working, tell the doctor. I will keep you in my prayers. Hope you feel better soon!
i understand your fears about BPD, I've been reading about that recently. It does seem like a diagnosis that still has a lot of stigma. It does seem to be something that can be cured though, which is incredibly encouraging, so maybe you should go to the therapist tomorrow and hear what he has to say. Have a look at the Mind website first, there's a lot of information there.
Not all mental health professionals are judgemental, some of them are lovely. In fact, I've had 5 lovely, 3 unlovely, and you can easily tell which kind they are.
Also do take your medicine or you'll get horrible withdrawal. If you think it's giving you paranoia go to your GP ASAP next week. Have you just changed it?
Thanks for replying. You re right im not doing myself any favours by worrying about the stigma. If the doctors treats me differently because I have bpd then that is their bad and their problem. Easier said than done though not caring. Im glad you have learnt to accept your diagnosis!
To be fair to the nurse im seeing tomorrow he was really nice and when I mentioned before that I was worried what people think because I may have bpd he said that he didnt believe in the diagnosis and was only interested in what im actually experiencing rather than whacking a label on it. But I dont know why im so nervous to go again and I just hope that I dont bottle it!
I have changed recently to quetiapine and mirtazipine from sertraline because my anxiety was so bad. But these paranoid thoughts have been going on a while npw and I haven't mentioned them to my doctor. I have an appointment with my gp tomorrow morning aswell and dont know whether to tell her I havent been taking them because I don't think she'll understand
I would tell your doctor about not taking the medicine, he/she might have some good suggestions. Maybe give you something in addition for the anxiety. Concealing stuff is not the answer, because it will make the doctors less inclined to help you in the long run.
I haven't been diagnosed with bpd, just wondering myself if it fits me. I dunno, some of it does, some of it doesn't, just desperate for something I can work on to change how I feel.
I ended up missing both appointments today I felt so anxiois this morning and just couldn't face it. Im gonna try and rerrange at least the doctors appointment but think I will give this therapy a miss because its making me more anxious than its worth. I have a psychologist through the uni that I am going to see instead who cant see all my notes with bpd plastered all over it so I wont feel im being judged as much!
I plan to tell the doctor that I want to try therapy and no medication, because in my opinion I feel worse when im on medication, whether that be the medication itself or my anxieties towards taking the medication. The fact is that I wasnt doing great before I was on meds but since starting on them in january I have attempted suicide twice and have been visiting the gp much more regularly in floods of tears. Before this I hadnt even been to see the doctor in years and had just been plodding along on my own. Granted not managing very well but certainly not as badly as I have been since starting on meds.
To be honest im not the best person to ask because im so sceptical about the diagnoses. The criteria for the condition are so vague that every person could fit at least some of them and the criteria are contradictory in places. I think the mental health profession spend too much time trying to label and medicate patients because they are so strained and it's easier to do than actually just getting to know the person as an individual and getting to the root cause of the problem (when it comes to individuals with "personality disorders" that is). You're better off finding a good therapist who can help you get to the root cause of your problems rather than try and put a label on it. This is all just my opinion btw, I'm far too sceptical for my own good!