Torn a little

[nh_user_917324]

So I've been coming to this site and a couple others for all of my issues. It helped seeing that I wasn't the only one with these oddball anxieties. Mine seemed to be a bit more unique since I was getting full on facial numbness and all but not too different. 

I've been extremely proactive though. I've been getting a ton of help. On Sertraline, CBT talk therapy, etc. Had quite the revelation though after yelling at myself just after my CBT.  Deep down got angry at my main symptom I've had since I was 19 (now 32).  Nausea. It's crippled me all this time to where I couldn't eat in a social setting. Sometimes I even had trouble eating on my own in my own house.  After I got legit angry with it the nausea disappeared. I think deep down I was missing how the past was so much that it made me physically nauseous.  I yelled at my stomach and said "WHY?! LEAVE ME ALONE!! IF IT'S SOMETHING TO DO WITH THE PAST I CAN'T CHANGE IT! I DON'T WANT TO! I DON'T NEED TO! I NEED TO CREATE NEW MEMORIES! LET ME CREATE NEW MEMORIES!!!!" Bam. Nausea gone. Even went to a potluck at work and had no nausea with 80 people surrounding me. Felt weird at first. Not use to eating around people.

With my other symptoms I've had mainly issues with my head. I've started getting massages now and when I leave from there my head sensations are gone. I was there last night and even this morning I feel great. If any of you have brain fog, facial/head numbness, weakness in legs and arms, etc go get a massage on my neck and shoulders.  The stress that you are building up is most likely tensing your shoulders and neck muscles and cutting off blood flow and nerves.  Take care of yourself. Massages aren't too expensive and you'll find that it may be quite worth it in the long run.  I'm setting mine up so I go every 2 weeks all year (poor receptionist who has to schedule that for me.... SORRYYY).  But I've found extremely positive results from it so I'll spend the money I don't have on it.

I figured I'd give a little back story to that first before talking about why my title said "Torn a little".  I want to stay here and help people since I've received help here from others. I tried to help others while dealing with my own issues too. But what I noticed is sometimes while reading other people's posts about what they are experiencing I tend to feed off of that and.. well.. now I have their same symptoms. Your brain is truly amazing in what it can do. If there was something you never thought about that could happen to you IT WILL HAPPEN TO YOU IF YOU LET IT OR OVER THINK IT.  So I might have to leave the forum here and other places so I don't fill my head with potential new symptoms. I don't want to leave because you are all so dang amazing, caring, sympathetic, just all around great community. I wouldn't be where I'm at without you all.  But I don't think I can pop on here every day and read all of the posts in fear I could create new symptoms from what others have posted. No, this isn't goodbye. Just a break. If I start feeling GREAT I need to come back and help people get through their problems.  If any of you need to talk or want some pointers don't be afraid to message me. I still get emails when I get replies or new messages so I can't miss it!  Love you all! Thank you for everything. You all saved my life. <3

[nh_user_911828]

It's so great to see such a positive post and really gives hope that this can be overcome. I'm struggling most with the dizziness at the moment, and I'm working hard but hardly working to get rid of it. By this I mean, I'm not fighting it constantly, but I'm trying to ignore it, when I'm active or talking to someone it goes, I've just gotta keep my mind off it. I'm going for a spa day soon, full body massage is definitely on the books! Haha.

So glad you're coming out the other end, best wishes to you mate!

[anon87974465]

It's so amazing to read an upbeat discussion , I hope I end up where u are one day .....I'm relieved in a sense to read that massages help because dam ...the sensations I get in my head arm etc logically I thought my neck was causing them but my anxiety of course didn't think that and I've been in a state of panic for weeks so I might try booking myself in for a treat , I had an Mri of my neck and spine but awaiting the results , but when I read ur post I thought ohhhhh dear I've wasted more nhs money for anxiety again (well I'm hoping so lol ) we always fear and think the worst don't we, it's so easy to develop health anxiety but yet it's such a battle to fight and over come it , you should be so proud of urself and it gives me hope that it can be achieved , so thanku for ur post because today of all days is when I really needed to read a post like urs , u have made a horrible dark day gain a little bit of light and magic

[nh_user_917324]

You're welcome Kerrie. Since you've already done the MRIs I'm sure they will come back normal for you. But don't think of it as a negative. I looked at everything as a very indepth checkup. Had the whole once over. It will put your mind at ease knowing it can't be anything else BUT anxiety.

But definitely treat yourself. Take care of yourself. I'm sure everybody on here is in the same boat as me. Yes, I can sit there and try to distract myself from the anxiety but who the heck wants to ALWAYS BE DISTRACTING YOURSELF because of anxiety that crops up whenever it feels like. Some days I just want to relax, watch tv, DO NOTHING and feel fine. Trying to distract yourself is as tiring as just letting yourself go through the anxiety at times. Of course, depends on the severity of your anxiety. 

But yes, everything is memory. Not just your brain. You have cells in your muscles and everything that contain memory. When you get a massage you're releasing that stress and tension. Just after a half hour of massage I felt amazing. I will keep going every 2 weeks. That's for sure, haha.

 

[nh_user_917324]

When I struggled with the dizziness my anxiety was messing with my vestibular.  I went to a holistic chiropractor who helped me with balance training and STIM also.  It seemed to help me out a bit. I was just re-evaluated yesterday actually and he saw a ton of improvement that my anxiety meds wouldn't have touched. I've graduated from 3 days a week for 8 weeks on balance training to once every 2 weeks now. I'll practice at home as much as I can still though.

The hard part with it is trying to do some crazy walking where I'm swinging my legs front to back walking backwards with my eyes closed and staying on the line. Before I couldn't even tightrope walk forward with my eyes open. Try it once, it's crazy how much we rely on our senses. If you close your eyes it's 10X hard to tightrope walk.

[nh_user_918235]

Glad to hear your making progress!  I understand that you don't want to come on the discussion board and definitely stay away from googl searchs of symptoms. I have read a lot about that.  See our brains are like computers.  When we put good input into it, we run properly.  But when you put negative thoughts (viruses)into it, it doesn't run properly.  Stay positive! Wish you continued peace of mind!

[nh_user_917324]

Exactly. I thought about how are minds are like cars.  Back in the day with cars when there was a problem it was easy to figure out what it was and fix it. Now-a-days they all have computers in them. Now if something breaks down it might not be, say, the catalytic converter. It could be the sensor.

Well that's our minds doing the same. We have these physical symptoms of things breaking down or not working correctly but really it's our brains triggering that "faulty sensor" that there is something wrong. Once we repair the issues with the sensor things are all better.