Triggers. Racing thoughts. What my MANY panics are caused by.

Mental health
1

Hello, 

Jumping right in here. I have anxiety moments several times a day followed by a few panic attacks.

 Here's what happens to me all the time. In fact, while you're reading this I'm probably having some sort of moment right now..... no joke. 

I get a weird feeling, then I start thinking about all of the what ifs? Then I get disoriented, dizzy, tight chested, racing thoughts and then it takes off into crazy land!!!

I have a major fear of having a seizure!!! I've never had one nor do I have anything that would cause one!!! But just typing the word FREAKS ME OUT!!! If I hear heart attack then I instantly grab my chest and feel my pulse.. I get pains down my arm, can't breathe, dizzy and then here we go!!! Panic time!!! Where's the nearest fire hall, er, walkin clinic or anything that can save my life!!

 

After all that and possibly a total work up at the er I'm good, right??? Nope, it must mean I'm just crazy!! They didn't check my brain, I could have brain cancer, tumor, serious infection etc.... here we go again!!! Once that's all satisfied by a health care professional it's back to square one.

Don't let me forget about my buddy depression!!! You'd think after getting a clean bill of health I'd feel like taking on the world, right!!!????? WRONG!!! Now I'm just p****d or mad that I can't fix this!!! Then I get depressed and want to push everyone out of my life orrrrrrr, I go do something impulsive like buy something I don't need, or give $$ away, anything to make me feel like God will help me because I'm helping others (I don't help with that in mind but after words I can't help but think it).

I'm in constant search for something exciting, happy, or meeting someone new (just as friend).  

Again, I'm successful but can't get a grip on my thoughts!! I don't drink, do drugs or anything that would contribute to these thoughts!!!!

Here comes the CRAZY part!!!! You'd think I'm afraid of dying.. I'm not at all.. I'm afraid of being alive, or awake, or stuck in my own thoughts!!! In fact, if I didn't believe that committing suicide would be a ticket straight to hell for eternity I would have been gone YEARS ago!! I'm worried that concern is weakening though. I live in hell everyday it seems like!! 

Anyway, I've never opened up about this so I guess it's just all pouring out!! I hope it makes sense!! Let me know you're thoughts as well!! I feel like I'm the only one who has it this badly and it's damn lonely!!!

2

Thank you for writing this post, I can completely understand how you feel and find it a comfort to know i am not alone, I hope this will help you too.

I have many triggers, but the one I struggle with most is health triggers. I have many physical symptoms and they can set me off, however I have learnt that the anxiety can trigger them and it just turns into one big circle. I haven't had any tests or hospital stays but I must think at least once a day, if I had all the tests and the all clear my life would be perfect!

I am lucky enough to have recently done a online cognitive behaviour therapy course. It has helped me highlight my behaviours and triggers and showed me many tools to help me cope. I just need to embed then into my life and believe in them.

I have really struggled today and that is why I have looked this forum up. I hope I can gain help from others and maybe get help in return.

I know i am very blessed, I have a lovely family (3 daughter's) and good life. I just need to curb this anxiety!

3

Hey Lou, 

 Sounds like you're in the right track!! My biggest problem is accepting this as anxiety. I have health anxiety for sure but I have all sorts of pains and sensations through out the day and it kinda freaks me out!! I mean, I know I have anxiety when I'm not having a "moment" but, when I have a "moment" I tend to forget I have anxiety and it turns into something crazy. I tend to consider myself "fragile" when it comes to my emotions. Not sure if that means anything but that's just how I feel. Thank you for the reply!! Keep me posted on how you're making out!! Best of wishes to you and your family!!