2 years ago i was forced to have a termination by an ex who threatened to leave me if i didnt. I was only young so i did what he said. Since then we split and i have depression and anxiety. It affects me so badly that i cant bear to be anywhere near a pregnant woman. It gets me down and now i live with my partner and he has told me that he dosent want children until at least another 5 years. I think having a baby will make my depression better but he doesnt understand that. He also has no clue about how bad my depression is and how close i get to ending it all. No one understands me and my crazy mind. But if anyone on here does it would be nice to hear from you.
Hi Jacintha,
So sorry your having such a tough time.
I've never had a termination myself, but i do understand the deep desire to have a baby. I have endometriosis, which makes it difficult to get pregnant, the symptoms of the endometriosis have been so bad, that im on medication to stop my periods. I see all my friends and family around me, and whilst im happy for the them, i feel so sad, and jealous. I stopped seeing anyone with children for a while, even seeing photos, made me feel so depressed, i would just cry and cry.
Your time will come when you can have your own children, but i think you need to get help 1st before you do.
Do you take anti depressants? do you go to any support groups?
it might be helpful to try these, if you aren't already.
Take care x
Hello Jacintha.
I agree with everything Callamatie said. I just want to add that it's not fair for a baby to come into this world with a job! A baby should not have the burden and responsibility to help you cope with depression. And what if you plunged into post partum depression? This is not what you would want for you...nor for your baby, I'm sure.
Why not work towards getting 100% well? You may need medication and therapy which will prepare you for your eventual pregnancy...and to be the best mum possible. Pregnancy is serious business and stressful...but of course, a joy!...under the right conditions. You will be growing another ilttle human being inside you and you want your body...and your mind to be in the best state possible.
I will bet that your partner realises that you are in no condition to be pregnant and that is why he is setting 5 years down the road as when he wants to have a baby. Once you are 100% well...and that could be as soon as in 6 months or a year, he may change his tune when he sees you stable and happy.
Do your best to get well...and THEN plan for a pregnancy.
Good luck, Jacintha!
Robin
Thanks for your help, I'm on antidepressants but I'm rubbish want remembering to take them. Had a bit of counciling but I find it very shed to open up to people. I will have a look for group counciling, that might help.
Thanks xxx
Sorry you had to experience such terrible decision. Mistakes teach us lessons.
I think, you need to seek professional help.
set an alarm on your phone for the same time of day to remind you when to take your anti depressants. Taking them regularly should help.
It can take some time to open up to people, you can practice on this forum with us 
Talking about how you feel, can take some weight of your shoulders.
You can always private message me if you like, i'm always around.
Take care x
I'll start tomorrow morning, need to get myself better. It's nice to speak to people that know what it's like to be unhappy. Feels a lot better to speak about it all thanks xxxx
Thanks, it wad the hardest choice I've ever had to make. It was horrible as I spent my 8 weeks pregnant wishing to miscarry. I know it sounds bad but at least that wouldn't be my decision.
Im going to look for some more counciling, thanks.
I want to be well!! I don't think my boyfriend has a clue about my depression or how I feel. He refuses to talk about it, I think it's because it involves my ex.
Thanks for your support, jacintha.