Trying to figure out the puzzle (My mind)

Mental health
1

Hi,

Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Josh, I'm 22 years of age and I live in Scotland. I'm a bit of a noob at this so bare with me. Ever since around the age of 7-8 life has been a bit strange for me. It's a bit like looking through the looking glass but not being able to make out what you see on the other side. My first thoughts of suicide were when I was 8 (around the time my parents seperated) and I told my Mum I didn't want to live anymore. Suffice to say; she wasn't happy. Threatened to take everything away from me etc etc (no doubt just to scare me in to thinking differently)

Anyway.. As I got older, started getting in to my teens, things got stranger. I was having all these feelings that I couldn't understand. One of them being my sexuality. I'm now a fully open bi sexual male which has made that aspect of my life easier but the suicidal thoughts and the racing mind never went away. They still haunt me to this day. I've never had a clear diagnosis other than Depression and Hypomania. With one Doctor diagnosing me with Cyclothymia (to be honest probably the most accurate diagnosis that fits my symptoms) I, however did recently see a Psychiatrist (after months of begging I may add) who said I had only mild depression.

Surely you can see how this sends mixed signals to my brain?

"Oh, you have this..."

"Oh, you have that..."

"Oh well you actually don't have that so we'll try you on this...."

Which has pretty much been my life story over the past 4-5 years. Decided to go completely off meds as Prozac just numbed me, gave me weird dreams and didn't help at all. Then when they put me on Citalopram I had my very first experience of cutting myself and having serious plans in place for suicide. I decided at this point it would be better to go it alone. Now, I'm not naive... I know I need meds to be able to manage my moods but it gets kind of stressful when it feels like nothing works.

What I turned to most was Cannabis. Because as many of you will know: Cannabis has a relaxing effect. It helped big time. Certain strains would effect me differently but it was that rare that I kept on smoking. Still do to this day and probably will do until I can find something that helps equally as well or if not better.

Anyway, not sure what else to write here. This is my first attempt so I've no doubt missed out some details here and there. Anyway. This is my story. I'm just glad I've finally managed to get it out.

Thanks for reading,

J x

 

2

Hi read what you said in the other thread and thought I'd have a read smile

Sorry you felt that way when you were that young that's horrible sad 

I have been dreadful the past few weeks nearly doing something stupid but coming here and talking is a way for me to stop those thoughts.. Seems to be getting worse but I fly home next Wednesday so hopefully I can do it.

My doctor mentioned citalopram and hearing that isn't very reassuring, does that happen to everyone or just a few? I'm already at the stage where when I'm low I actually consider it and it sounds like that's the last thing I need..

Never tried canabis and don't really plan to but of course if it helps more than actual medication then that's good for you smile

Feels good letting things out huh, helps more than you think!

3

Hi sorry to hear your having a tough time. Can i ask did you smoke Canabis while taking the Citalopram, as Canabis can cause all sorts of problems such as paranioa, vivid dreams and anxiety to name a few. Smoking Canabis and taking anti depressants or anxiety drugs would create more problems.

4

Hey Jaybags, 

If you cut yourself and have suicidal Idealation you are  suffering from more than mild depression. You need at LEAST an anti depressant and a mood stabilizer. (Most likely something for anxiety) If it takes a while to get the right meds keep trying until you get a med cocktail that works. It takes a while for all Physc drugs to kick in and weed won't help you if u are on meds. (make you manic most likely) I would see a therapist ASAP that you can talk to. Some of them can give meds but will at least refer you to better Phychiatrist. (Dude don't listen to one persons diagnosis)

5

Hey Jake,

I'm kind of in a hurry so I'll keep it brief..

Citalopram will heighten whatever symptoms you have in the first 2 weeks of taking it or so. It's also important to remember that everyone reacts to medications/drugs differently. So what may not work for me may work for you!