Trying to get off this stuff

Treatment and medication
1

Hi all, found this website about a year ago when I started taking Citalopram. I know that a few people have already started threads about coming off the stuff but I don't think any of them are particularly recent. So, lets start one up again!

I started on the pills last October, 20mg to start with. It had taken me the best part of 14 years to go to the doctor and report my issues. My main issues were panic attacks and insomnia, which I have suffered on & off for the last 17 years. The last 10 have been particularly bad and of those I guess the last 6 have been the worst. Its a horrendous position to be in. Rushing all day, not able to sit still, doing everything at a million miles an hour then 4 o'clock in the morning when you haven't managed to get some zzz's is the loneliest place in the world .... especially when you know there are only 2 and a half hours before hell's bells are due to chime (said alarm clock!). And the less sleep you get, the more hyperactive the followig day. Twisted?

So I was given Citalopram. Hasn't really helped my sleep. In fact probably worse but I no longer wake up in the morning wondering how to 'do' today. I can now rationalise it a bit better and no longer have that 4am crying session (though curiously crying is a good way to get off to sleep!). First upped my dose back in February cos had this horrible sinking feeling in my belly first thing in the morning which de-motivated me for the rest of the day. That was wierd. Had thoughts of suicide. Not that I would do it but appreciated what a relief it could be. Had a hypothetical plan and everything. Upped dose again in June as was feeling jittery in social situations. Avoided them like the plague but when you have kids its difficult. And doctors waiting rooms are like hell on earth. 50 or so peolple talking all at the same time is so disturbing. Don't quite know where I fit into all the noise. I love silence. Can't have the radio or TV on in the house as I find it too disturbing.

Been on 40mg now for 3 months. Feel fine mostly, though the sleep and noise issues are still there. Couldn't get an appointment with my regular doctor last time I ran out of pills so saw someone else. She asked me how long I'd been on the stuff and I told her almost a year. She suggested it was high time I got off it and I agreed. Have put on half a stone which doesn't make me feel particularly good about myself. Talk about depression! Nothing worse for a 30 something year old than to lose confidence over love handles & a beer belly! Anyway she suggested 40 one day 20 the next for a week then dropping the 40's and taking 20 each day. I tried it for a week then tried 2 days of 20's. Well bloomin' heck. There I was racing my head off, coming up with all sorts of schemes and schedules - right back to where I started. Hyperactive in the day, hyperactive at night and zero kip. Went straight back onto 40 every day as I'm currently spending a week at my parents house looking after my terminally ill father while my mum has work committments abroad. Thought it best that I was on an even keel for this rather than all hyper and on edge. Feel great really. Training for a half marathon and looking forward to a triathlon. Still, would love to get off the pills and think the time is right when I get home at the weekend.

God this is starting out to be a life story ramble! In summary, I wonder if any of you have any ideas about a 'weaning' strategy. Personally feel that 40/20/40/20 is a bit extreme. Am thinking about a 40/30/40/30 regime and wonder if this is the way to go about it? Any feedback would be appreciated! Seeing my OWN doctor at the end of next week and will need to confess that I haven't been successful on this first attempt at getting off the pills ...... or perhaps the time just isn't right. Feeling good. positive, motivated etc. Why would I want to feel any different? P'raps I should just accept the weight thing and get the exercise habit back to balance it off.

Oh blah blah blah, could keep going all night!

Much love to you all, hope you are seeing the light too. Looks good to me, you should try it some day. There's a wonderful world out there that keeps going while we get stuck. We all need releasing to realise its beautiful potential. Don't get left behind! Peace xx

2

I THINK YOU SEEM FINE ON THE TABS, SO WHY STOP, EXPECIALLY AS YOUR DAD IS ILL. MY DAD HAS A BRAIN TUMOUR AND IS DYING, I HAVE CITALOPRAM IN MY HANDBAG BUT AM NERVOUS TO TAKE THEM BECAUSE OF THE SIDE EFFECTS IN THE BEGINING, TRYING TO WEIGH UP WHETHER THE SIDE EFFECTS WILL BE WORSE THAN MY SYMPTOMS. I NEED TO BE THERE FOR MY DAD AND DONT WANT TO BE A ZOMBIE. IM EITHER SHOUTING AT THE KIDS OR HAVING A GREAT LAUGH, HYPER (DECORATION!) OR IN MY BED. I JUST WANT TO FEEL THE SAME EVERY DAY! ANY ADVICE WOULD BE MUCH APPRECIATED. PEOPLE KEEP SAYING I JUST HAVE TO DEAL WITH MY DAD DYING AND TOUGHEN UP, THAT THE TABS WILL JUST DELAY THE GRIEF TILL I STOP TAKING THEM. THANKS FOR LISTENING! XX

3

Well that was just amazing reading your experience - it was like reading my own (partly)! I thought I was the only one on the planet with the hyperactive - up-all-day-and-night routine. Buzzing all day on every committee and organization possible, working two part-time jobs, studying at college and running round after husband and four children!! I lived on total adrenalin rush for the last twenty years. THEN at the beginning of this year I just crashed and burned. I started sleeping ALL the time and had no energy at all, couldn't go to work. Went to doc's and started citalopram. Which made me even more sleepy. After a few weeks I went back to GP and said I couln't cope with not being able to function but was persuaded to persist and to sleep as and when needed. I stuck it out for four months but couldnt cope so just stopped taking them (two months ago). I was worried at first and felt a bit lost, I just acepted that I was tired from overwork and tried to sleep sensibly. Then went back to my old ways of staying up all night for a few weeks. It felt great to have all the adrenalin energy for a while there and felt like ME again. But the reality is that NO ONE can exist without sleep! Am now having a ten week councelling course to find out why I need do so much. It has been extremely emotional and very hard but is definitely helping. It has highlighted that I do nothing for ME. So I am now trying to look at everything I do and decide could someone else do it themselves. I have also stopped staying up all night - if I don't go to bed then I won't sleep! So I am trying to go to bed before midnight and it seems to be working. I feel really good in the mornings now.

4

Hi Mizz, with 4 children , undoudtedly you must need the sleep!

I hav e2 children and ironicaly (not that I can efffing spell) I cant sleep . i train myself and now and againit works. Other times, i am veri A) anzious and desperatre, if I see shines on the walls, I think it means soemthing may happen tome, or I am so exciteable, toms another day , and heabens above i could do loads. anyway, i hope you okaaay! You sound like a strong person. i just had a rave with my mother, sorry soem argument. anyway, hope you get better.