Hi Sofie ~
Ahh, the hard knocks in our lives. I don't want to sound insensitive...in fact, I'm very sensitive to this subject and I mean what I wrote...life can toss us some hard knocks...it's how we get up and how we react or not react that's important.
It took me until I was in my 30's to find someone I trusted and I knew got me. Oddly, it was "me" all along.
At times you may feel you are self-absorbed and that's ok...because it's where you're supposed to be in YOUR life. You wondered if you were blowing things out of proportion and some doctors/therapists do make you feel that way...but when it comes down to it all...you, yourself hold the answers.
Just think about this for a minute, when you talk with someone about a problem, the person may give you some suggestions but if the suggestions just don't feel right for you...you, in the end decide what feels right for you. It's proven that humans do not use their brain to it's fullest potential. I feel, just from my experience, when we start to question things, we may find some resistance and in reality, we are resisting change. Change is a very scary thing for many people. That's why you see some who just get stuck in a rut and stay that way until death. Other's are free fun seekers and search for that ultimate high w/i themselves. You cannot change what you don't acknowledge; trust yourself. You may find out end the end of your quest that it's "trust" that's your issue and I'm don't mean trusting others, I mean, trusting yourself. It just takes time and education to trust yourself...but you're worth it.
Don't you feel good when you've done something out of the norm for yourself...I found going back to school gave me confidence and gave me the opportunity to widen my friendship base. I felt confidence that I could hold a conversation and that came by educating myself. I didn't have much money and had two kids at that time and my husband was just starting his business...so money was really tight. I pushed myself and set an appt to talk with someone at the nearest community college and told them my plight...they either helped me or led me to the person who would help. I ended going to a court reporting school and the education it takes to become one, was a real eye opener and also a challenge. If you cannot challenge yourself, life loses it's meaning. I was happily accepting of this education because it was based on how I, personally was doing and not on how the entire class was doing. It was a personal experience and challenge that I set for myself and it was obtainable...it wasn't easy but with hard work, it worked! I found self-respect. I found a meaning for myself that no one else had any influence on or could tell me what to do...it was my own personal goal. I found that trusting in myself is really all I needed to be successful in both my career and home-life.
I often wondered "why"..."why"...what's wrong with me... why am I always feeling like I have to have answers...and reality is, nothing is wrong with me...I'm just a bit more sensitive when it comes to inner personal ideals.
Trust yourself, Sofie. You hold all the answers within. If you still are a bit confused, try the community college route, if that works for you. Believe me, I wasn't a great student while in my High School years...I was 4.0 in my college years...why? because I wanted it...it wasn't expected of me.
In the end as you grow older, you will call your lifes path "wisdom". It's lifes process and your willingness to learn as much about yourself as you can. Be open to change. Don't be afraid to address anything that has left you with anger. And, I'm not sure if you're a religiious person, in fact, you don't have to be religious to say this everyday:
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.
Okay, the last part of the Serenity Prayer is a bit religious but I, personally, believe in a higher power and when I let go and turn everything over to our Lord, in return, he gave me , the power to trust.
So sorry this post is so long. If only one piece helps you then I feel like I did learn and shared what I learned and gave you my gift...Good Luck, Sofie and know just by you seeking out help, means you're ready for the next part of your life.
Trust!
Frustrated