I'm on day 34/35 and getting crazy ups and downs, even within the same day which is so unmotivating. Generally my mindset is ok (much better than it was a few days ago) and my anxiety is reducing, which I guess is a positive sign, but struggling with the inconsistency.
I know by reading this fourm, this is pretty typical at this stage (early days) and should continue to improve (fingers crossed) over the next week or two.
Has anyone got any tips dealing with this stage?
There is progress Craig! If anxiety is reduced.
My only tip is to focus on surviving each day. Do not over analyse the side effects. Eventually they will all go. Just get through each day one by one, do not worry about future recovery. It will happen.
If you have opportunity to do any sport, even a short run, I would definitely recommend it. It helps with the ups and downs.
Thanks Luci, will do.
I'm hopefully gomig to be back in the gym in the next week or so. I also find listening to music helps - always reminds you of a differnt time in your life.
Take care!
How have you been Craig in the last two days? Any changes or improvements observed?
My blip is over. I have had great last 2 days. No anxiety, plenty of energy and enthusiasm and really growing interest in things I used to enjoy before depression/breakdown came couple of years ago. It is nice to start getting the old myself back slowly. I am 10.5 weeks in now. Expecting a bad blip though in couple of days connected with my cycle though. But for now ok.
Hi Luci
Had a tough couple of days. My phisical anxiety is down greatly on the proir weeks, but I still get negative thoughts for about 2 hours a day which are very difficult to control. I seem to have some old side effects that are coming back i.e. evening anxiety. Is it typical for them to come and go at this stage?
I think any changes are so gradual it's difficult for me to tell. I am only at 5.2 weeks so I expect SE to slowely come and go over the next couple of weeks but lessen (hopefully).
I'm so glad to hear you doing quite well and I cant wait to get there. I'm going to see a psychologist today, so that will be interesting and hopefully helpful.
Craig I hope you feel better hang in there... I understand I also deal with similar feelings .. But I think we are recovering just not at an ideal pace .. I just tell myself I'd rather recover slow than not at all!! Praying for you.
Thanks Pinkrozez. I too share the same thought - slow is better than not. I am functional most of the time and when I think back to two weeks ago, this was not the case. I am also engaged most of the time, which is also positive. So I guess that is progress...I just can't shake periods of anxiety accompanied by silly thoughts. I'm getting frustrated with this, as I'm now aware enough to know they are not real!
I am also getting some sleep. I couldn't sleep before I was put on this even with sleeping pills.
Just need to take each day for what it is and hope that i see similar improvements (slow but gradual) over the next two weeks. As long as the tough days are getting easier to deal with I don't mind.
I really want to get back to work, as I know this will help take my mind of things. I'm reviewing with my boss this Friday, so hopfully I will start working from home for a couple of weeks before going back into the office.
Stay in touch, as I really hope you progress well. Take care.
Hi Craig,
yes, I also had some side effects coming back later, and also some new ones at later stage, it's part of the reoccuring blips. Every time there is something unusual, just tell yourself it is still too early, best to not over analyse every side effect. I know it is very frustrating. I remember at week 6 I had great two days without anxiety and feeling quite positive and then such bad blip came for three days and I felt so discouraged and like I will never get better and thought the meds can't be working for me. Now looking back I see that was normal. With every week the number of consecutive days that were good was increasing.
It looks like there are improvements from what you say, like fewer physical side effects, better sleep too, and negative thoughts only some hours of the day? That means the meds are starting to work. The improved sleep is a good indicator for that, or at least it has been for me, because that has been really gradual and steady. Now at almost 11 weeks, I take only 1/2 of the lowest doze of zopiclone and I wake up usually only once a night and I can sleep now even 8-9 hours in total, and even take some naps sometimes daytime now. 
Seeing psychologist is a great idea, I hope it was helpful. I am in psychotherapy and it is my rock. I know this is the only way to get better in long term, to understand the causes for my anxiety and depression and other bad feelings, and learn to manage them.
Stay strong. I hope you will have a better day today.
Thanks Lucy
I think I am also having the odd positive day (like yesterday). Didn't have any negative thoughts! Also in the evening I was so clear and at peace...it was a strange feeling. I remember getting this feeling about a week ago for a day or two.
The Psychologist was good, really early days for me though. He was really just trying to untangle what happened in the last few years of my life - at face value it looks like 5 years of prolonged stress (life, work etc) and my mind and body finally gave up.
I have woken up pretty positive today, but only 4-5 hours sleep due to our baby. She does not want to sleep at the moment! I can't imagine being able to take a day time nap, but hopefully that will come for me too in the upcoming weeks.
Take care =)
Wow that's fantastic Craig, one full day without negative thoughts..and peace! And I am sure once you go back to work it will get even better as there will be less time for negative thoughts to come. It looks like the meds are starting to work...don't get discouraged by any blips, they can still come real bad but they will go again and this peaceful feeling will return!
Yes, I hear you about the stress. I have been couple of years in therapy now...it was the same for me, I didn't listen to the increasing stress both in my mind and body (I started getting sick a lot 2 years ago, even needed surgery and developed autoimmune disease), and all this was just my body telling me I need to change the way I live and make better choices, but I didn't listen to my intuition and even the stressed mind and broken body, until I had a complete breakdown and now it is taking long time to recover from it...but hopefully I will never make the same mistake again. Learning to trust my intuition and body now and put my needs first.
Yes, it sounds demanding with the baby. You are very strong coping with all that, being strong and responsible for your family and at the same time letting yourself be vulnerable too and explore your issues with the psychologist too, not just running away from it or numbing it the way lots of people do with addictions for example...all this means you have a lot of underlying strength and you are recovering! We just need to give it time, to learn it step by step...same as when we are learning anything, when we train our body physically or learn a new language...we learn to manage anxiety and life too.
Yeah it was nice and gave me a bit of hope. I presume once the meds settle, it becomes the norm and over the next couple of weeks it should come and more frequently? It's funny how it's so easy to dobut the process...
Are you working at the moment?
I'm only at 5.6 weeks today, so I guess it's still really early days. Yesterday was a bit tougher but I took control rather than it taking contol of me for once.
I reached out to a close friend last night and he has been fighting a similar illness for the last 4 years and he has just recovered. His situation was very very serious i.e. in and out of hospital. He is going to be a great support through this and we will catch up every few days via Skype.
I am determined not to go back here and this experience has already changed me (for the better I think). It's bloody tough, but as I become stronger my determination grows to beat this and to change my behaviour forever.
Stress is a funny thing - I would't have considered myself stressed to breaking point. But my mind was, followed by my body. I also had all the early warning signs health wise. I have perfectionist traits, so a lot of my stress was self imposed - setting outrageous high personal goals, which I have mostly achieved (but at a huge personal cost). On top of this, I've been through 7 failed rounds of IVF before we got our gorgeous little girl. I ignored the personal toll this was taking on me as I pushed to hold my family together.
I'm looking forward to getting to know the real me over the next few weeks and months.
Hopefully I have more postive news to share with you over the upconming days Luci. As always, you are a great support - thank you.
Hi Pinkrozez
How have you been doing over the last few days?
Hope all is well =).
Hi! So nice of you to check in. I am so glad you're doing better. I am also better. Had a few good days and anxiety has come and gone but nothing like before. The fact that I am able to handle it all
Better and even been more Involved with my kids brings me more hope that this medicine is helping. I hope you continue to have good days and baby begins to sleep. Omg the sleepless nights alone are enough to stress one out! Thanks again for checking in.
Hope you've been well luci! I recall few days back you were low and I hope it has passed .. Glad we have support here ..
Hi Pinkrozez
I have my days and moments within days, but definitely getting better at dealing with it and I'm have a few hours that are outstanding now and then like last night from about 7pm.
I actually got to sleep last night on half a sleeping pill which is a first and hopefully a sign of things to come over the upcoming weeks.
Take care and stay in touch as you progress.
Hi Pinkrozez,
thank you for checking in... yes I had a couple of low days last week (after a great streak of 12 days), but it improved so quickly and then had another great 7 days. Felt more enthuastic, engaged and interested in my hobbies, I went to drawing class too and plenty of running. Yesterday and today a bit challenging again, mostly to do with PMS though, but only felt overwhelmed with emotions for couple of hours on both days. Even though the emotions and negative thoughts can still make me feel so much in emotional pain, they pass faster, or I manage them better. I would say I am about 80% ok now, 11 weeks into the medictation.
How are you feeling? Are you seeing any more improvements?
I hope you are having an ok weekend!
Hi Craig,
how is the weekend going, and did you discuss return to work with your boss in the week? How are you feeling?
That is very good what you say about being determined not to go back to the same ways as before...you are right, there is so much valuable learning in our getting sick like this. We find a better path. Or we will find it! Step by step.
And how good you reached out to your friend. It really helps, right, to talk to people who understand and are not afraid to talk about mental health problems they faced? It's so liberating. And it creates more authentic relationship too...talking about one's vulnerability.
Thank you for sharing about your problems. Omg, so many failed IVF rounds, no wonder you got emotionally exhausted. That is a lot of stress and expectations and disappointments to go through. I am so pleased you have your little one now!!
I relate to you on the perfectionism side. I am the same. I have higher standards for myself (or often impossible ones) than I have on others. I may have more compassion for others when making mistakes and seeing it as human and as part of learning, but I scold myself for every mistake or not being perfect. Carrying this critical voice in me all the time. But all this time it is only me who does this to myself...no one else is responsible but me! Now I see it too, and I want to change it, but it such hard work Craig...it is so deep rooted...it's how I have always lived. I am working on it in therapy.
No, I am not working at the moment, I have not worked for the past year, needing time off, as I became quite unwell with the breakdown and depression and anxiety, and I resisted the meds for so long. Therapy was helpful in understanding the causes but at the same time brought up more past pain and realisations that I needed time to come to terms with...it was making me so physically exhausted even, processing all this. I am starting to feel stronger now and I hope to maybe start looking for a job over summer or latest by Sep/Oct, due to the mounting financial pressures, which don't help my anxiety.
Despite all this having been very hard, I would not want it to not to go through that. It is life changing and part of my growth. I am learning a lot about myself and I am healing. Even if it is so bloody painful and it takes time. I believe it will make me grow and be better, stronger and more authentic person and learn to listen to my intuition and my body better.
Tonight I feel quite sad about lots of things, it is a little overwhelming, but I have had such great last week...felt so good going back to doing arts, and had so much support from people about my talent, it felt really good, and I am getting so much fitter each week with the running too, so there is so many litlte things that make me happy these days among the occasional sad and dark times. I am grateful things are improving, and I am grateful for the help of the meds too!
Lots of love and thoughts of support Craig... looking forward to your news. Thank you also for being there for me and listening.
Thanks Luci
I have had a pretty good last week, but it all fell apart today in front of my family. Feel like I'm back to square one - I know it has to pass though, but I've had very very negative thoughts that I simply could not control. I was really embarrassed.
Hopefully this evening will be better and I will be in touch - struggling to type today =(.
I will be in touch soon a stronger me.
Take care =)
Oooh Craig, sorry to hear. But it is still the meds!!! They still give you up and downs. You are about 6 weeks, right? I had still very bad blips at that time...they would last two or three days, then I would feel great again, and the contrast of the states was driving me a little mad. All you are going through is normal. It WILL get better again!
I hope it passes soon for you. And I am here to also listen to the negative stuff!
Yesterday I had a great day but also late at night I fell apart, for a few hours, was crying and felt very sad for myself in fact, feeling lots of emotional pain about one particular thing (how one person treats me) and had quite obsessive thoughts about it, and sent quite a lot of desperate messages to couple of friends... sleeping pill took me away from the state finally into a sleep, and this morning it is better but I feel somewhat flat. But anyhow, all this is nothing like the anxious states I had a month back.
Hope you will recover soon from the blip. Allow yourself these states...they are only temporary, they are not the real you.
Hi Lucy
Back on track this morning i think - so true that blips are just a moment in time and they pass. Couple of rougher days then a few more positive. I'm just starting 6 weeks today, so I think the next couple of weeks should be positive (with a few pot holes).
I drifted off to sleep last night without a sleeping pill which is a first. Then had to take a half one at midnight (baby woke me).
Sorry to hear to had a tough night.
I'm meeting with my boss on Wed (post a discussion on Sat) and I plan to start working from home this week. I need to push through this and have confidence it will bring me right.
Take care and will be in touch soon.