I have visited rock bottom. Mentally, financally, have lost love ones , am a dementia carer ... I now think of the really bad anxious self doubt ,pain riddled days as my outs , then I'll rest & ride it out then I have not happy moments but not sad either, I can almost even bother thinking about doing something positive. I call these my Ins.
Im in at the moment,I can almost recognise myself ,metaphorically speaking ,then I go out ,when Im out Im hopeless sad lonely cry cant see anyway through. But I know I'll be coming back in cos I wont be 'out' forever.
Been to a GP.
Been to counselling sessions. Neither have stopped the downs.
Im slowly finding ,(Im glad Ive resisted antidepessants so far) as Ive had the odd day of not being happy but neither desperately sad & miserable. Im not sure I would have felt the difference with medication.
Had a coversation with my 'inconsiderate, horrible...husband' (during a brief in moment)Told him how miserable I am.....need to have life changes....shed some tears. Havent been talking to hubby as if he replies incorrectly hell may rise. Has made for a lonely existance.
Counsellor in next session is going to 'teach' me some communication tools. Ha. 30yrs of marriage & Im the one who fixes most of our issues, & no I dont cause them all.
Well the way Im looking at it, my counsellor is going to teach the peri. meno ME ,maybe not too shut down. Cant wait for that magic trick.
Have a lovely rest of the day fellow suffers heart out to those that are 'out' at the present.
Happily using oestradiol. However, husbands do get hard to get on with as they go through their loss of testosterone, etc, too. At least, we recognise what is happening to us. I am no doormat, but I have learnt "do I want to be happy, or do I want to be right?". Often they do not go together.
I love your 'in and out' post. I'm reading The Wisdom of Menopause at the moment. Whilst I don't agree with everything Northrup says I do agree that peri changes our mindset. The idea that in our productive years we are more attuned to caring role and we then start to assess our own needs as we approach peri (all down to hormone levels changing).
If you can stay off the ADs at the moment and allow yourself to feel the changes and learn from them I would.
I'm now looking at it as a time to look at changing my diet, exercise, hobbies, social circle etc to find new happiness and focus in the next phase of our lives.
Feeling really fragile & sad. I have had early wake ups from my mother who suffers from dementia. She has also been diagnosed with Shingles. Currently she still lives in her own home with home help & me as her carer. At night (when her carer is not with her) she needs pain relief. Due to her dementia she cant remember to take the meds & calls me at anytime to tell me of her pain but she wont come & stay with me. I took her to see her GP who insisted she needs help administering her meds at least at night. When my mother & I left the GP she got very snotty with me. From my experience it was because the Gp said she needed my help. I had to leave in tears & have bearly stopped crying for the past 2hrs. Ive got pain & moods ect finding it hard today with my mother. And myself.