for context, before i post i am a newly adult female who suffers extreme PTSD from physical, emotional, and sexual abuse. i have not allowed a doctor to touch me in over a decade due to this and i genuinely cannot even now without crying or feeling violent. I only had sex once, and it was with my ex four years ago. it was not consensual, and ever since then i have never had sex nor done activities. even posting this anonymously is huge for me and i am terrified to do so. I can feel a tear where i think my hymen is, and i am not sure if my hymen is completely torn or not. i need advice, and going to a doctor cannot be an option.