Got to appointments, two of today. Walked into town. Got laughed at, i have no dress sense but i thought i was ok. Saw worse. Just ignored it, got new glasses, i didnt know they were scratched i think the receptionist did but sod it i dont care. i'll probably break them in 3 months. Got to app. it was hard but told the truth, all went ok until the end, locked myself in toilet and gave myself pep talk. Went to chemist bought stuff i needed, see if that helps later, got on bus, arriving i got verbally harrassed, going home it got physical. Its all good. I got hit but i left jabbed him in the face. Bloody nose kind of jab. Anyhow he got off with his mouthy gf, i stayed on got off and walked home via the river, saw a bunch of beautiful butterlies. Came home saw flatmate, just felt well... violent. Had something to eat and shut self in room. Got some info from app, want to rip it up but will make effort to read it today or tomorrow. My feet damn well hurt from all the walking but it was good exercise. Have to go out again tomorrow, this time plan to get home earlier so no trouble, fingers crossed 
!
Doesn't sound like a good day. Was chemist stuff prescribed? What app you are using? What happened at appointments? Why were there problems going home?
Hi could have been better. But not totally shot to hell. Chem stuff wasnt prescribed no, it was at first but they stopped doing that medicine, dr gave me a script for it, but i asked the chems if there was any other product similar. Appointments wise i stupidly thought there might be major improvement in right eye. Sick of waiting. Last appointment had me wanting to walk under a bus instead of on it. Problems going home because some stupid cow went too far mouthing me off. Defended myself verbally, and Mr Muscle got himself into it. Its all good. Had worse. Hope you are ok.
i hate the little sh*ts that done that to you are you ok nick
Relativly fine.. clearly you are not and unhappy.. what's with the right eye...walking under a bus ...that's how I felt after my first coubselling appointment..needless to say I didn't go back to that particular person- mental health - drugs are all a struggle easy on the outside not so easy when it's you
Hi Nick,
it seems like you are very self conscious about something. I am too. I have ptsosis in the left eye, which means the muscle is all saggy and droopy, and basically looks awful. I got it a few months ago after a whiplash injury. Since then I've had a lot of contact with mental health people, but I still just cant stop thinking about it, and wont go out of the house unless its to a medical appt. I am on the waiting list for an operation to correct it, but this wont be for a couple more months. In the meantime I count every day, every hour.
I've even got to the point where I'm going to see the eye surgeon on a private basis, to see if I can get it done sooner if I pay. I dont know what it costs, but almost anything seems worth it for some peace of mind. Booked to go on a family holiday last week in August, - thats definitely not happening with me looking like this. Yes, I know I can wear glasses, but I know what I look like underneath, and airports being what they are, they may well ask me to take my glasses off at immigration.
I have suffered depression for many years, but this is the last straw. Have taken three overdoses and ended up in A & E 4 times in the last few months, and admitted to a psychiatric unit for a few days I mostly just want to be left alone, and lie on the bed counting the hours. Nights are better. I dont read, watch TV, see any family or friends. Its an obsession, and it wont go away. I go into the garden sometimes, and the air smells nice and fresh - we live near the sea, and I would love to go out for a walk, but I just cant. I know I should be really grateful I can get the op get on the NHS, but in the meantime its a living hell.....
Hang on in there, you are very brave.
What a terrible world this is when we have to be so concerned about how other people see us and judge us. I cannot believe that people can be so cruel, your stories just blow my mind.
I hurt for you. I am so sorry that you have to feel this way.
Life is too short and too precious for stuff like this to make you miserable. You should stand proud and show those imbeciles just how unimportant they are.
THEY are the losers, not you.
Pat xxxxxx
Thanks for the reply Carole and Misty earlier. Sorry to hear about what you're both going through. My right eye has nerve damage. Have a black spot cant see out of then my colour out of it went to grey cloudy effect, I'm sorry Carole for even moaning about it now after reading what you post ed. I think it was what semed like one of many last straws, will logiclly have to give new glasses a try out of course.
Carole I really hope you get some help soon, meaning the op hang in there ok, Nick. Cyber hugs to you.
Hi Caroline I think this is the depression talking. I am sure it looks a lot worse to you than anyone else coz they aren't concentrating on you but their own issues. Eg the fat person who walks past you isn't thinking about your eye or even noticing you, they are worried about their weight. If I walked past you I wouldn't even notice coz I am too busy worrying about my terrible acne scarred skin and so on. You are not important enough to strangers for them to notice you and it is only if you behave oddly that people will notice. Hold your head up girl and act confident and you will be fine. Rehearse a smart retort to make if anyone makes fun of you such as 'I may be ugly but that can be fixed but you will always be an idiot'
There is a guy I meet while dogwalking who only has 1 eye. He ignores it and just chats away so you barely notice it. I don't like him not because of his disfigurment but because he is so boring!
You say your life is a living hell, it is because of your depression not because of your eye. No one is physically perfect so why should you have to be? Tackle your depression and your eye will become much less important.
Bev x
Thanks ever so much. I will hang on as I know it will be worth it.
Cyber hugs back....
Thanks so much Patricia. I will make an effort to go out - with my glasses. Not quite brave enough to go without them. My hubby is lovely and says I am still very beautiful. I just cant believe what others say. My belief has to come from within.
Yes I know your'e right, and I called my life a living hell 3, 4, 5 years ago for other reasons. Whatever the problem is at the time, for a depressive, they always think it couldnt get any worse. This is a lesson which I know as a long time depressive is one which I should have learnt, but somehow never manage to.
For example I woke up this morning feeling quite Ok and said to my husband, I dont feel at all bad, lets go and see someone - do something, but the mood soon lowered and now I simply cant venture out. Have a doctors appt tomorrow, so have to go out then. Dont know whether she'll be sympathetic or not, - sometimes shes Ok, sometimes quite impatient, but due to stuff to do with organising my prescriptions I have to go anyway.
Hi Carole I find it can be quite helpful to role play. What do you think would happen if you went out? Think of different scenarios and possible solutions. If eg. some laughs at you, you can decide to ignore it or stick a finger up at them.
If someone tells you you have terrible dress sense again you could decide to ignore it or you could say 'Not as bad as yours'.
If you doctor is not sympathetic how do you think you should or would handle it? Be prepared then you can't be disappointed but you can be pleasantly surprised! Bev x
How are you doing tonight Hyperc cat? Tomorrow's another day. Will you be dealing with it ok?
Not only dealing with it misty but I actually hope to enjoy it. One of the reasons I am depressed is loneliness, and tomorrow and Friday I have nice things planned and people to see so I am one happy bunny. x
Good for you Hypercat....have a wonderful time, it's brilliant to hear you so upbeat....long may it last 
Patxxxx
Have a good two days hypercat!
Thank you Pat that is very kind of you.
Hugs for you Bev xx
Thanks misty you too Bev xx