Was bad about taking sertaline and now experiencing horrible panic and depersonation

Treatment and medication
1

So I have been on zoloft(sertraline) for 15 years on and off and have always had a great experience and was very happy and stable. The only reasons I have ever gone off was because I didn't want to be on medication my whole life. Each time I did it I quit cold turkey which was a bad idea.

the first time I made a few weeks before experiencing a full on panic attack that went on and off for about 2 months ( my panic revolving around the thing that I got on the medication for which was throwing up) I got back on my medication and I remember about a month and a half later I was my old self again.

This time I was bad and for months maybe 6 monthso I was really bad about taking my meds I was only on 50 mg and I would only take them maybe once or twice a week. Then I just stopped taking them all together for maybe 2 weeks. Then about a week and a half ago I felt a little anxious so I thought I just start taking it everyday AND up it to 75mg after not taking it for so long I missed a dose 4 days later cause I was out and then experienced one of the worst panic attacks I have ever experienced.

I developed an intense fear of depersonalizaction and derealization after I tried pot once and had a bad trip.and this panic attack hit me with the most awful sense of derealization (it felt like the pot again but I couldn't escape) I ended up going to the er with my dad and my boyfriend and the doctor told me to get back on my meds at 50mg. And the councilor said I was okay to go home. I also went to my general doctor and he told me the same thing and prescribed me antivan until zoloft starts working again.

It's been about 4 days since the emergency roomedical and about 8 since I took more then I was supposed to and I'm still very panicked and kind of out of it, just extremely foggy like the world is passing me by and my head feels heavy and I'm extremely tired. I cry every so often about just wanting to be normal again and feel like myself. I'm absolutely terrified.

Did I just really screw up my meds and will i get better? All of the doctors say yes but I'm still scared

2

You will get better, but only if you take your medication daily

3

i think its really early days to be feeling well again. but you deffo will be back to ur self, you need to be counting weeks not days hun, give it at least 5 weeks to be feeling a little better and then week after week you should get back to normal hun.

let me know how you get on. sending you big hugs as i know exactly how you feel. xx

4

don't worry u will certainly get back on track with a little time.  you'll be fine but as already said, just remember to take your med each day

i used to start and stop antidepressants also, until i realised that stopping just meant i would eventually sink back into depression and anxiety again. so i eventually learned the hard way, to not stop taking something if it is working for me and making me well.

there's no shame in it, don't let people, the media, the world decide for you what is best for you.  it's like, for example: if someone had something medically wrong with them where their body produces too much cholesterol (which had nothing to do with their diet or lifestyle), then, in that case they have to take a pill every day for the rest of their life, to keep their cholesterol down/normal.  that's seen as ok. acceptable. nothing wrong with that, and nobody (the person taking the meds, and other people) thinks twice about it. you take the pill and just get on with things.  with life.

...  but then with depression or anxiety, suddenly the attitude is:  "oh no, i don't want to take a pill. i'm weak.  this depression and anxiety is all my fault and i should instead just put up with it or try and 'think' my way out of it"      - (imagine saying that to the person with the high cholesterol condition).

  if u really think about, it's absurd that some meds which need to be taken each day are seen as fine and accepted, while others are 'a big deal' and not so 'accepted' by ourselves, and society.  i mean, who exactly makes up these rules anyway?

you have something inside you which isn't your fault and you can't control, and for many lucky people there are meds available which help them to lead a normal (or at least, improved) life.  that's something to be celebrated, and to be happy about.  don't let anyone, including yourself, let you think there's anything wrong with making yourself well again by taking meds which help.

taking meds which help you, is not a sign of weakness, it's a sign of strength that u want to be well, and want to live a normal life because you are entitled to that, just like everyone else.

5

I'm trying to stay positive it's been so long since I've had to get back in them...maybe 3 or 4 years now so I can't even remember how long it took to feel like myself and we'll again. I've only been on 50 mg since then and have been very happy so I hope 50mg does the trick again. The past few days have been so hard and scary. I'm trying to be a bit active and do chores I'm just really hoping that I'll feel the effects sooner than later. I'm also trying to get a hold of a CBT therapist and start some sessions

6

I don't think I'll ever go cold turkey or take them every other day ever again after this occurrence. It's been absolutely awful and terrifying and I wish I had never gotten off of them. I've come to terms that I might have to take medicine my whole life and I'm okay with it as long as I stay me and never have to go through this again. I'm seeking out therapy as well in hopes of learning about ways to manage my axiety so I hope that pans out

7

Yea I don't think I'll ever do this ever again, I hope I improve quickly

8

Hi Claire

You will get better. You sound exactly like me, I've been on and off over the years because I've felt so good and didn't think I needed it, and also because of pregnancy. Like you, and others have said, I now realise I just need to take them everyday and there is no shame in that.

I'm about 4 weeks into going back on. I had worked my way down to 25mg and was missing says on and off until I had a huge panic attack about a month ago. So each week since then I've been working up by 25mg. I know at 100mg and have Seb improvement each time. I know the few times this has happened I've felt exactly the same coming back on until things become stable again.

Hang in there, it will get better, and you will feel yourself again. As hard as it is, when the panick comes, accept it as just part of getting better. Everyday your one day closer to being yourself again.

Keep us posted, I think it's nice for others when they are searching these forums in terror to see positive outcomes.

9

we'll get there folks don't worry 

another thing;   i do respect the alternatives like counselling, CBT, mindfullness, self-help books, exercise, diet, lifestyle changes .. but for some people, they do all that stuff, and they STILL have mental health issues going on. a female friend i have is the perfect example of someone who does/has done ALL of the stuff above, for years, and yet she still cried every day and had bad depression.  now she's doing very well taking 100mg sertraline (same dose i am on, it was hard as hell but i eventually pesuaded her to get on it.  it took a couple of months to work, but now she's great again, loads of fun, and her emotions are in good shape again..... finally)- 

i remember with me when in-between taking any ssri meds, i was trying all of the stuff above (eg. mindfullness and self-help books) and nothing worked because my depression/anxiety was simply too much.  then when on sertraline, once it starts working, all is well and im fine and feeling normal again and im not crippled with depression, anxiety, and no more feeling isolated and cant cope, with negative and suicidal thoughts.  i gave my self help books to a charity shop.  why?  they didnt work on me because i have depression and anxiety which requires treatment,  not some book telling me that with my particular condition, i can just 'think' my way out of it (you wouldnt say that to someone with bi-polar, so why say it to someone with depression! again, it's the "oh, everyone has depression, stop worrying" (so now we are made to feel like it's our fault!).  or they might say, "go out for a walk" ..  (at which point i say,  "...do you think i get to leave my depression at home?  i will still be screwed in my head. but instead of being indoors, i will be outdoors, you idiot!!"  

finally (if anyone is still reading haha.. i tend to ramble a bit) .. nobody can say meds are a quick, or lazy fix to the problem, as u can go through hell with the side effects from starting out and getting the dose right.  some people have to wait 8 weeks to get to feeling well again.  a lot of people give up before the 8 weeks.  doesnt sound like a quick fix to me.

so then finally (again... oops), when the meds are working and you are feeling good, then u can make some changes to your life to improve things (with me personally, i have improved my diet.  no more junk or fizzy drinks)

so my adivce is to get on the right meds.. dont feel bad if the first one u try doesnt work for you.  there's so many different meds to try out there until you find something which suits you.  it's a really sad thing when people give up, and then eg. spend years not really living but instead just trying to survive the hell going on inside you.  those years of suffering can instead be used to get well again and find what's right for you to feel well and what works for you.  it's that simple.  for me, what works are the right meds (and then common sense like eating well and some exercise, eg; for me it's short walks sometimes .. because now my depression and anxiety has gone THANKS TO SERTRALINE, i like going outdoors again). 

10

Awesome response! I totally agree with everything you have said!! Do you mind me asking if the same ssri has always worked for you? Zoloft has been amazing for me (besides initial start up) I just need to continue to take it.

11

hey, no my journey was a long one as i kept switching meds trying out different ones.  i had various side effects on each one so was always looking for something else (the most common side effect was, most of the meds would always make me feel tired in the daytime).

i also made the mistake of in the past: if a med worked i would think "cool, im cured now", but then when i stop taking them, after a while (sometimes several months) my depression/anxiety would find its way back.  then i would have to go through that annoying time of start up side effects again (usually around 8 weeks for me to settle on ssri meds)

i'm not making that mistake again though.  im staying on sertraline, and don't care if it's the next 10+ years.  and if it stops being effective, i will switch to something else, and never give up because i know that it doesnt matter how long it takes to get well again, the point is, we will all get there, but have to appreciate it takes time.  having a few months of feeling crap in order to have many years of then feeling good is acceptable and worth it.

sertraline has turned out to be the best one for me, but everyone is different so it might not be the best one for someone else, in which case it's just a case of keep trying until you find the right med for you

anyway, glad you are doing well larissa!      

12

I woke up a little less panicked then yesterday and didn't reach for my antivan right away. I'm trying not to take it unless I'm really freaking out. I'm having dreams about being normal again and when I sleep I'm happy. I'm still very tired and I still feel not myself which is very off putting and uncomfortable to me but I'm trying tout keep myself from bad thoughts.

I had the realization last night that I had in fact been taking my medicine everyday for the past three weeks before this happened and then suddenly decided to up it to 75 mg. Which is when I had the intense feelings of depersonalization. Is it possible my body was reacting poorly to the 25mg hike?

13

Feeling a little clearer this morning but woke up with a bad panic attack about my usual thing that I panic about which is throwing up. I've been doing some exercises to stay grounded but I'm still terrified.

14

Feeling a little clearer this morning but woke up with a bad panic attack about my usual thing that I panic about which is throwing up. I've been doing some exercises to stay grounded but I'm still terrified.