I started smoking weed almost 2 years ago and had no problems with it up until recently. About 6 months ago I got into a pretty bad car accident as a passenger when I was really high. Before this accident I was in 2 accidents in the last year and got a pretty big fear of car accidents from them. Right before I got into the one when I high I was internally freaking out about being in a car accident. I was simulating in my mind how an accident would feel and then it happened and I was physically find but I still have not mentally recovered and I don't think I ever will. The accident snapped me out of the high and that really messed me up. I do not know if this story actually applies to the fact that I think I am dead now but it's where I think this problem with weed started. From that moment on, every time I got high I would get these really intense panic attacks and hallucinations. The weed makes me feel as if what I am experiencing is not real life, the first time it happened I told my parents that I thought that I was in a coma and that they weren't real. I thought I was a kind of purgatory state where I need to decide whether I wanted to live or die. I continued to try smoking weed until recently but these effects just got more intense to the point where I was talking to lights thinking I was talking to god. I would also try to make myself puke hoping that it would snap me out of my high. Because of these experiences I have come up with countless theories as too why this is happening. I believe that because the car accident snapped me out of the high, my body and mind considers treats it like a poison and I try to get it out of my system by creating a traumatic event to myself such as shaking violently or vomiting. I think I am dead or in coma-like state right now because of something I saw when hallucinating. I wouldn't even call it a hallucination because everything I see is actually reality but my mind just "distorts" it or something I'm not quite sure. But I was freaking out in my room so I ran downstairs and told my mom my heart was beating very fast and I thought I was dying. She went upstairs and woke up my dad and they both stood in front of me as I was laying in a reclined chair. They were individually telling me stories and praying for me and crying I think which I interpreted as me being in a coma because I was laying in the exact position that a patient would be in and I was ice cold and having a hard time breathing. I feel like I would go minutes without breathing. I got up and walked over to the security system that has a button on it to alert an ambulance to come. I told my parents I want to go to a hospital and before I could press the button my dad stopped me from pressing it. This is the moment that confuses me. My parents are very loving and would never stop me from going to the hospital if I thought I needed too and I was shaking violently and not having any blood flow at the time so it would only make sense to go to a hospital. But they didn't let me go so I went to my room and spent the whole night up freaking out that I was now dead until I fell asleep. I woke up the next day feeling fine like nothing happened but for the next couple months after that up until today, my mind returns to that day and makes me question the reality I'm living in. I think this probably 1-2 times a day, that I died that night or am still in a coma and that everything and everyone today isn't real, that this is just my mind in the afterlife or waiting for me too wake up. I don't know what to do because I know that this is my real life and that my mind is messing with me. I just want to feel alive again.
First off, I am sorry you are experiencing this. Life is no fun when your mind is not well. I do feel that this will pass with some time, however, you need to stop smoking. While weed can make one feel relaxed, it is also horribly common for it to make you feel just the opposite. After such a traumatic incident, it now has an opposite effect on you as your brain is associating it with bad things. Your putting a hallucinogen in your body-it is inevitable you may feel unpleasant and scary things. I honestly think the best thing you could do is to give up smoking from here on out, or at least for a while until your in a better place mentally, life will go on without weed. Just try to keep reminding yourself that you are NOT dead, and that this is just anxiety. While anxiety is awful, remember it in itslelf is simply unpleasant feelings and cannot actually hurt you. You are ok, try to surround yourself with friends and family, (it sounds like your parents are very helpful) hobbies and activities that make you happy, even if you dont think you want to at first. You will get better as time goes on, just breathe and allow this to pass. Best wishes
looks like dpdr bro
hey James…for some reason I was unable to read your entire post as it was cut off on the side. I did kinda get the jest of it though…you seem to be having strange problems with smoking grass, (anxiety?) am I correct??
fyi…I’d never smoked grass till apprx 3yrs ago. when I finally did, I had the WORST panic attack of my life!..I’m NOT éxagurating, I thought I was dying!
that was the 1st and last time I tried it!
my point is, weed doesn’t always make you mellow…sometimes quite the opposite happens!
I’m not sure why you can no longer tolerate it, but my advice is: DON’T SMOKE IT AGAIN!!