I started smoking weed almost 2 years ago and had no problems with it up until recently. About 6 months ago I got into a pretty bad car accident as a passenger when I was really high. Before this accident I was in 2 accidents in the last year and got a pretty big fear of car accidents from them. Right before I got into the one when I high I was internally freaking out about being in a car accident. I was simulating in my mind how an accident would feel and then it happened and I was physically find but I still have not mentally recovered and I don't think I ever will. The accident snapped me out of the high and that really messed me up. I do not know if this story actually applies to the fact that I think I am dead now but it's where I think this problem with weed started. From that moment on, every time I got high I would get these really intense panic attacks and hallucinations. The weed makes me feel as if what I am experiencing is not real life, the first time it happened I told my parents that I thought that I was in a coma and that they weren't real. I thought I was a kind of purgatory state where I need to decide whether I wanted to live or die. I continued to try smoking weed until recently but these effects just got more intense to the point where I was talking to lights thinking I was talking to god. I would also try to make myself puke hoping that it would snap me out of my high. Because of these experiences I have come up with countless theories as too why this is happening. I believe that because the car accident snapped me out of the high, my body and mind considers treats it like a poison and I try to get it out of my system by creating a traumatic event to myself such as shaking violently or vomiting. I think I am dead or in coma-like state right now because of something I saw when hallucinating. I wouldn't even call it a hallucination because everything I see is actually reality but my mind just "distorts" it or something I'm not quite sure. But I was freaking out in my room so I ran downstairs and told my mom my heart was beating very fast and I thought I was dying. She went upstairs and woke up my dad and they both stood in front of me as I was laying in a reclined chair. They were individually telling me stories and praying for me and crying I think which I interpreted as me being in a coma because I was laying in the exact position that a patient would be in and I was ice cold and having a hard time breathing. I feel like I would go minutes without breathing. I got up and walked over to the security system that has a button on it to alert an ambulance to come. I told my parents I want to go to a hospital and before I could press the button my dad stopped me from pressing it. This is the moment that confuses me. My parents are very loving and would never stop me from going to the hospital if I thought I needed too and I was shaking violently and not having any blood flow at the time so it would only make sense to go to a hospital. But they didn't let me go so I went to my room and spent the whole night up freaking out that I was now dead until I fell asleep. I woke up the next day feeling fine like nothing happened but for the next couple months after that up until today, my mind returns to that day and makes me question the reality I'm living in. I think this probably 1-2 times a day, that I died that night or am still in a coma and that everything and everyone today isn't real, that this is just my mind in the afterlife or waiting for me too wake up. I don't know what to do because I know that this is my real life and that my mind is messing with me. I just want to feel alive again.
Hi James,
Probably best to lay off the weed. .
be kind
james i have inboxed you xx
Hey James,
Please stay off the weed, because weed can do more then you thing with mental health. I smoked weed for 2 years straight and now I have a anxiety disorder. It can be a trigger to anxiety so again PLEASE stay off the weed. I recommend to find a good psychologist and do a EMDR therapy(Look up for what it is, its has helped me a lot! Maybe mind fullness can also help you out. Do you feel like a costant derealistation? I wish you the best of luck.
Coen