Hey everyone! It's been a trying weekend. Right now as I'm typing this, my heartis a-pounding. Been watching the Olympics and putzing around the house. It's really hot here so my energy level is low but occasionally I will pop up from the couch and do a domestic chore.
I woke up again around 5:15, one hour later than the previous night, fed the cats and laid back down again I was playing my relaxing music and my thoughts were pretty clear but my heart was a thumbing.
My friend wants to have dinner later and I'm anxious about going out. She is a really dear friend but fear once I get there, I will want to leave. I now may have expressed the same feelings so I know many of you can relate.
I'm going to call my doctor tomorrow to see if she can get me in sooner than the 26th. I don't think I can wait that long.
Feeling isolated and alone. I know that I'm not because I have all of you. That does give me some comfort but still feel the same.
It seems all I do is meditate and my breathing exercises. Sometimes I don't even want to post here. A sad state of affairs.
Again, I know many feel the same. I guess I'm just venting. Thanks for listening!!
I was hospitalized for depression a few years ago and I learned a couple of tricks. The first one is you sit on a chair and put your head between your knees and you breath in through your nose for seven seconds and out your mouth for seven seconds. You do this breath five or six times. Another trick is to "check yourself" when you feel a panic coming on. You ask yourself questions 1- am I in immediate danger 2- am I about to be physically harmed 3- can I make it through the next 10 seconds? You may have to check yourself over and over but it reassures you brain that you are "okay".
Hi Tip, you are not alone! We are all here too, existing in each of our maddening anxieties. This week I met a ex army friend of my other half for first time who talked about his anxiety issues, stemming from his childhood. It affects so many. Weekends are hard, and the meditation and calm music does help doesn't it? If you can try to get some fresh air, get out of house even if for just a few minutes. That's all from me just to say you are not alone!
Do yourself a big favor. Ask your friend for a raincheck on dinner tonight. You need to be thinking of yourself first right now...not adding to stress. Just tell your friend you are really not feeling well. That is true....you do not need to tell anything else, Honey
There are times to push yourself a little...this is not one of them. If it was out for tea close by, then right home, you might think about it.....but not dinner. Take care of yourself. You are doing really well...don't worry about your friend. A friend will understand you are not well, and let it go.
Aw honey, are you feeling a bit down? Weekends can be difficult. Our hours are not devoured by everyday life. There's more time to think, to dwell. And I know exactly what you mean about having to meditate all the time, having to practise breathing excercises. They in themselves more than anything remind us we have a problem and that if we don't follow through we will never cope. It's disheartening, isn't it?
It's the same with a reluctance to post on the forum. The forum is another reminder. When everything in you is screaming, I don't want to be like this! I just want to be normal. Get on with life! It's not fair! It's depressing as hell!I have experienced all those emotions and then some.
So, the way I came to terms with it was seeing my illness the same as one would tackle any illness. For instance, I would tell myself had I been in a serious accident I would have to stay in hospital for a great length of time, there might be the need for physiotherapy. I would want to go home not be in hospital for months. I wouldn't want the pain and struggle of physio...but....I would have to go through all that to heal...I would have to go through anything with any severe illness to heal, wouldn't I ?
Well Ad is a serious illness, right up there with the worst of them. And please, Tip, do not avoid having dinner with your friend! I made a similiar avoidance early on in my Ad ( because I didn't know any better, the help and understanding there is today wasn't available then) and what was the result? I became entrenched in agoraphobia and that is a battle you do not want to face, believe me.
Have dinner. Don't give in to the desire to "escape " because there is no true escape.It's one step forward and never backwards. It's the here and now, not yesterday, not tomorrow. And yes, try to see the GP. But more importantly don't let go of the hope in you
OOPs! I just encouraged Tip to go for dinner! Perhaps my own experiences with agoraphobia coloured my thinking there. I always worry when people begin to avoid certain situations because that's what led me into agoraphobia without realizing it.
You are undoubtably correct, Cia, there is a time to rest and a time to play. A time to "face" and a time to give in gracefully. I think I got this one wrong. I apologize to your dear self and to Tip because I should not impose my own fears upon anyone else
I hear what you are saying cia, but I'm going to give it a try. I have been trying to remain active and my mind is somehat at peace for the moment. IF things worse, I will let my friend know. I know she'll understand.
It seems that all I do is putting myself first . . . which is good, especially with anxiety. My friend knows about my anxiety and she is understanding. I know where yu are coming from but I'm going to give it a try. I'll let you know how it goes.
As always, thank cia for being there for me. Words can't even express the gratitude. You are amazing!!
I'm going to go and give it a try. I do feel the desire to escape but escaping scares me even more. I don't want that in my life - that's not who I am.
I'll try to maintain hope. WIth friends like you, it does help. I'll let you all know what happens.
Oh, I'm so relieved you said that! I was feeling guilty, Cia. I swear you are the calm voice of reason in all this hysteria...me, I can be totally useless at times
You've made me instantly feel better. You're right. They make their own decisions. There are times I'm scared of getting it wrong. Can you understand that?
I absolutely do, Helen. I remind myself often that my 'job" here is to give my opinion, the best I know how. Right or wrong can't be the point on a forum. People come here to read various opinions and suggestions. Then they decide what feels right for them....or if anything at all feels right.
With my clients, I had to remember just that....I was giving them options, not telling them what they "should" do.
Where else could people get such a huge amount of info. to choose from than a forum, dear friend.
I learned soooo much whIle I was there and then fir three months I was in IOP which is intensive out patient, and it was there that u learned so many valuable tools.
I'd hate to come across as self-opinionated Please feel free to slap me down if I do. I sometimes think, because I truly want to help if I can,I tend to go over the top and hence I look like a bossy britches... There's been times I've cursed that there isn't a delete, amend option when posting. I have a lot to learn, Cia, a hell of a lot
Don't we all, Helen. All of life is learning...every day.
I have never heard you come across as self-opinionated, only caring, open, kind and rather wonderful. Everyone you respond to is fortunate to have you reply, Honey.
We all have God given personalities, and one day come to accept that each of us is uniquely ourself. Please, don't try to change one thing about yourself....i would miss the real you!!!!
You are the very last person here I would think of as unthinking.
Thank you, Cia, I really mean that. Sometimes I lack confidence, well, a lot of the time I lack confidence. When I respond I want to get it right. It's so important to get it right, sin't it? So I post and then I worry...lol. Silly ole trout that I am!
Anyway, now I can go to my bed happy after you saying that...my son, reading over my shoulder, said, " Well you are a bossy britches, Ma, but we still love you"
Cheeky sod! I should have beat him as a child instead of smothing him in kisses and thinking he was the most beautiful thing in the world!
So glad you made the call. It is so terrible to feel like this all the time,and not to beable to enjoy a night out. I am suprized the your doc did not tell you to come in ASAP. My Gp, wants you to come in right away. I just know that you'll be feeling right as rain very soon.