I dont weigh anymore than usual-but I seem to have gained weight as my clothes are getting tight and my chest has gone up a bra size......help...I dont want to be fat as well as the rest!
Ex has gone out with children . I dont know where hes gone. His mum was rushed into hospital and we are all very worried.
My dad has just come out of hospital after op that went slightly wrong-thats okay though he has morphine!
Ive a 300word essay to do and was going to use my dichtophone to speed along the process as I am in panic.
Im too scared to go outside, yet it looks like a lovely day...and I want hair dye as my hair is a mess! See when theres loads of problem I look in the mirror and say \"what a mess\" Sometimes just walk away, but other times get angry frustrated and think \"why me\"Could I not have been pretttier...I know its vanity ...anyway...I better go ...I might try a walk...but I can feel panic building in me and Im scared i get stuck on a lampost again and no one comes to my aid....or maybe its association with sunshine and lamposts-who knows.
this is weird. Right -had a okay day yesterday. panicing about college work-even managed a walk-no panic, but I was with my daughter and she is changing so much- but in a remakably nice way!!! Anyway, we had a lovely girlie time.
I got really upset about ow I looked, so daughter helped mee dye my hair-what a MESS!!! But well.-lets pretend it is okay.
Ive still not done my course work, i woory as I know I am slower than most.
Okay, got upset at ex, he want tell me whats up with his mum and hes off to the hospital. I feel guilty for not being able to be a little more helpful...but themn my imature side says , dont be stupid...he never helped youi when things went bad a few years ago...but thats not what I want to be like.
So well, stupid eeeooome,,,,ciouldnt realx, bellie felt like it was hanging over ...in fact felt like a fat tongue like in the movie \"click\"Just felt gross wanted to take control, wanted to cey scream shout, Ive got so much to do-what am I doing anyway. I think I manage better when im drunk-my decisions seem to be wiser...so anyway, took some laxatives ...and oh dear i know im goign to be in it for later...and it was so stupid as ive got a really sore side and have done for the last few days and it isnt going away.....apart from that Im up and doing things which is an improvement. Why am I so self destructive?
God-why do I care???????/
I am getting it-was doing my essay, now in tears because hes been shouting at me, Im his target now. Make this end someone please!
Som eof the stuff I put here :oops: :oops: :oops: Im worried that I have polycystic ovaries as im sore