For the past 32 years I have tried antidepressants healthy diet exercise praying meditation CBT. Gave up drinking gave up smoking and cut out caffeine. It all seems I vain because here I am still feeling like I would rather be dead. To be honest I have no hope left in me and I'm sure that this is the way it will always be for me. I have been phoning crises help lines today and nothing has been of any help just just tell me to do things that I have already done time after time in the past I can't take another day of this I just want to die in my sleep I'm done fighting a losing battle
Thats all you get with crisis lines.i used them once, then after no joy, thought sod it, and took a massive overdose as i was really miffed with things.......Nowadays, i'm brooding, stuck between the decision to take it out on others or myself..........the amount of sh1t i have gone through in the last few months, you wouldnt believe...............i just hope to god i dont hurt someone.................cheers,XXX
Yeah I totally understand what you mean
Michael this just another Bad day. When you have a severe depression, you lose the fight to carry on even whit the day to day task you should be doing to live normally ( I hate that word normall ). These things happen not just because you cant be bothered, no it's because your body needs time to rest and recover from the pain of what is causing your depression. No this might seem a daft or obvious question but what has triggered these thoughts of giving up.
Now ask yourself can they change, is the another possibilitgy. The first time you do it and i bet you instant thought will be to tell me no i have done everything. Absolutley every thing can be turned around given some work, but nobody said it was going to be easy. even those in high paid jobs that I know are always wsaying that just isnt possible. It isnt possible in there own head because they dont want the additional worry and stress of being out of there comfort zone, but you can guarentee there will be some one else think it can be done.
So the next things your going to say to me now is JImmy you lost theplot mate, what you on about ? What I personally think you need to do ( and I am sure others will have a different idea and thats the key here ) now pace yourself , you have from where i standing several concerns going on ( and correct me if I got any wrong ) lack of money, lack of food, no work or work you dont like, your alone and maybe you have other more perosnal things that you dont want to share on here ( and thats ok ). What I am guessing your doing is you have pressure , and ahuge amount of stress in all these areas and your brain cannot start solving them all at once.
You have probably the toughest decision to make, but the fact is you have the decisions and the resolutions. Nobody at all can tell you your wrong as what ever you come up with to fight back for each problem you will deal with indivvidually. Taking things in small more manageable chucnks means you only concentrate on solve that issue and dont muddy it with 10 other problems. This sounds simple as you read it ( and I write it ), and in theory this is achievable if this is how you want to handle it, in small chunks nobody can tell you thats the wrong way, but only you know how many thing in one go you and your mind can sensible cope with.
Something to spur you on maybe a scheme called National Enterprise Allowance, which is a grant tfor 6 months to allow you to set up in business yourself, Do you think your skills could be sold easily ?
I have either annoyed you or hopefully I have given you some inspiration.
Well I have to say, Mike, that you have been doing a terrific job! To quit smoking and give up alcohol and caffeine is incredible!!! I am going to do some Tarot cards for you so you can see what is coming up for you soon...hold on
Thanks for your advice and I understand what you are saying. I do have work offers now and that will help with the financial stuff. The problem is I feel to unwell to do any work I can't concentrate or get my head around anything I'm mentally and phycicaly drained I feel sick and dizzy as still having withdrawals from the meds. In my work I have to work at height so there is no way I can do that feeling like this. All I can do is wait to feel better then I can deal with the other stuff I can't run before I can walk its just one step at a time I suppose. I tryed to go for a walk today but felt a panick attack coming on so had to come back home now I'm scared to leave the house
MIchael I wonder if there is some near to you that can maybe help ? the things with having some one who understand you dont feel daft as you know they understand.
Tommorrow try another walk and see how far you get , fight back. Ok if you dont get more than 100 yds down the road the key thing is you are wanting to try and get thru this. Giving up is what your brain want to give it an easy life.. I force myself to go out, I am self employed and get anxiety and paniced just like you.
The key for me is I can't let it beat me and with help from gp ( prescribing propanol ) I am going to give it my best shot. And when I come on herer having bad day and my friend Michael see's I am in a bad place you reminder and give me a kick in the pants to get back on line and work at an easier pace
Thanks Sarah
Not sure if I believe in the tarot card stuff to be honest but any way I shouldn't knock it till I try it. Be interesting to see what comes up xx
Thanks I will keep trying my best
It is wonderful that you are getting offers for work!! That is great. You know when you have a panic attack, if you "run away" from it, it will just come on stronger next time. Maybe next time you could try walking despite the panic attack for say, 30 more seconds than usual. Or 5 seconds, whatever it takes. You need to teach yourself that it is ok to feel afraid and panic sometimes. I know this is very difficult but what I have learned over the years is if we can "allow" or even "embrace" negative feelings, they actually disappear! If we fight them, they seem to get stronger. I am trying to learn this myself over and over lol so just do your best
Ok I will try. I have got to go out on Wednesday as iv got to have an operation so will have to go to the hospital what ever
I didn't believe it either til it started telling me some really creepy things last year lol