recently i feel very angry and depressed .. Every time someone in my family talks to me I get angry and yell at them , I hate when they ask me questions or when they talking to me ! and its not just that I also have a problem in my relationship. i feel like i don't want to talk or to see my boyfriend anymore..i mean if he calls me or Sending me messages i don't want to answer him or even talk to him and i just dont care .. i feel like he is a stranger to me and i don't want to be close to him or to meet with him and i don't even want to start talking about sexual activities...
we were in a long distance relationship because he served in the army for almost 3 years and we didn't see each oter that often . at the beginning i was very sad about this and i didn't know how to deal with it so i was crying a lot becouse i felt alone and lonely and i wanted it to end already. but a year leter i found a new job so i wasn't thinking about him that much and i also met new people at my work and we have become good friends , and i started to go out more so i didn't feel alone anymore I preferred to go out with friends than go out with him and i had so much fun! (when i was at high school i was'nt going out that much) .
all these years i've been waiting till he finished his military service and that we could see each oter more often but when the day actually came and he completed his military service i was'nt happy at all becouse i just didn't care and that was the moment i knew something's wrong . and now i have these thoughts "do i love him?' "is he the one for me?"
im only 20 and i know that theres a lot of good guys out there but he is like the perfect guy . he care's about me so much and loves me even more and he is always there for me but the problem is that im his first girlfriend which means that im his first love, kiss , and sexual experience and it will be hard for him to let go of me becouse for him im the love of his life .(bofore him i already was in a relationship that lasted nearly two years and it was horrible)
we already talked about my feelings and i said to him that i need us to take a brake so i could be alone for a while and if i'll feel like i cant be without him i'll be sure that he is the one for me but he got very emosional and we both started to cry
i don't know what else to do , i feel like it changed and i don't know if i want to be with him anymore
although i still love him very much , we are so much alike , we love the same things and we also have our private jokes and we pretty much the same person he is very very shy but funny an he's got a huge heart and my family love's him and his family love's me and i love them very much ! but do i love him ? well .. i don't know anymore ..
everytime that we decide to meet, I feel anxiety and discomfort ,very Strong heartbeat and i feel that i don't want to see him or to talk to him As if he were a stranger to me .
I don't know if it's depression or anxiety or because i used to him beeing far away from me all the time and it's weird that he's finally around ...
i don't want it to end but i also don't know were do i go from here and what should i do about my feelings ..