What should I do for the best?

Mental health
1

Hi, completely new to this as i feel I'm running out of people to turn too.

I've suffered with severe depression on and off for 5 years now, I'm only 23 sad it's something I feel il have all of my life and I've recently starting having counselling (for the 4th time) to help me deal with life in general.

My depression at the moment is mainly caused by coping with my job as well as my personal life. I work as a site manager and have 120 underneath me, the environment is constant and the atmosphere and morale is extremely low due to the nature of the work, what makes it worse is my boss, they have known me for a long time and used to work with my mum so they know a lot about my childhood. They often make comments (which I feel are inappropriate) in front of my staff, an example would be "she used to have an setting disorder when she was younger, caused her mother hell"

I'm sure she doesn't mean to be out of line she just doesn't think although recently I feel the way she has treated me has been unacceptable. She will often set unrealistic goals, and often snap at me if something has gone wrong (out of my control) however my two peers don't seem to get the same treatment, recently I was accused of spreading rumours about our company however it turned to be someone stirring things, I was threatened of suspension before I could say a word and my boss made me stay in a room not able to speak to anyone for hours whilst she travelled to our site.

She has received a lot of bad feedback from her boss recently about HER OWN performance however she has said that I am on the same journey as her meaning I was underrated for my half year performance review, I have received no coaching, support or monthly 121s and every time I asked how I was performing I was always told really well, so it came as a big surprise when that happened,

over the last few months i have been working on a high profile project and ie received some amazing feedback however I'm now at the point where I trust no-one and feel extremely anxious every time I go into the building. I've gone from a confident manager to an emotional wreck,

Outside of work I'm currently being investigated for 3 health issues which has involved two operations and a lot of worry and pain, my dads on trial for assault and could well face prison, I've had quite a rocky past including bullying, rape, ,miscarried and witnessed constant violence from my dad. and I feel I have hot rock bottom now with no-one to turn too.

When I told my boss about the rape (to help her understand why I was quiet and feeling down) she said you have to look at other people too, there's people dying of cancer etc

My granddad died of cancer last year and I wouldn't wish it on anyone but I just felt like she was telling me to shut up and not make a big deal out of it. .

My mum took me to see the GP last week who offered to sign me off indefinitely while I look for another job, I'm just so worried about letting my team down as I know they will have no support if I leave.

I feel like I need so,some to guide me and tell me what to do, if I, honest with myself then I know d be a lot happier away from work and I have already looked and applied for other jobs.

I'd really value someone else's advice....

2

Hi KayKay

I'm so sorry to read your post, you have not had the best life. I'm no expert but the first thing I would do is to cut out all the negative things in your life, i do;t know what you do for a living but you need to get away form the job.

I have no idea what a setting disorder is but try to disassociate your self from your work mates and make it clear to your boss that you are either there as an employee and as such your personal life is no-one's business but yours.

Do you not have an HR department where you can take to someone.

I would definitely let the doctor sign me off and look for another job. Take yourself our of the situation. Let your nasty boss clear up her own mess. you are not a buffer between the team and him.

Get signed off, and if you are strong enough move away (unless you need your mother's support) .

You need to concentrate on our own health, you are so young, your dad can get on with his own problems so don't worry about him.

Make some real changes in your life and soon!

Good luck love

3

Sorry, message was rushed so a few mistakes.

4

Thank you so much for the reply, It meant to say eating disorder, silly auto type.

I'm just so worried what everyone will think if I was to get signed off.

I've spoken to HR and Occupational health and unless I'm prepared to raise a grievance they won't help and even then big company's always protect each other.

But your right I don't want to feel like this anymore.

I live with my boyfriend and I want to be the person he fell for, Not the mess I currently am.

5

Hi, I'm so sorry to hear of your difficulties and also the trouble that your having in your life with depression.

First I'd just like to tell you something that somebody told me some years ago and if you think about it it rings

true. Depression is seen by a lot of people as being a weakness, I don't know if your boss knows that you

have depression or not but if she does she could well be seeing it as a weakness and praying on it - in a

bullying kind of a way. When in fact Depression doesn't effect the weak it effects the strong!! There's a book

called "The Curse Of The Strong". If you could get a copy of the book you would probably be able to relate

to things and have a better understanding of the illness and how it can effect you both physically and

mentally. From what you've said your problems could have stemmed from childhood I know mine have.

Did your G.P not prescribe any antidepressants for you? I know a lot of people don't want to take them

but I think when your in a place that you are right now that they would help you - you do need to get the right one as there are a lot and I've tried numerous ones before finding two A.D that have helped me. The

counselling will help you too, it's good to off load things it gets them out of your mind and will help to release

the negatives and the more you do it the easier it becomes, it's if you like, unravelling your mind things past

present. Things do come good you know. You have achieved things, you sound like you have a very responsible job and are very conciencious. Hope this maybe of some help to you. Best Wishes x

6

Hi catherine93530,

Thank you so much for your reply.

My boss does know about my depression and whenever i try and bring up problems with the job, i.e support ect she will always turn it around and make me feel like its my personal life making me feel like this.

I agree that my personal life isn't helping but right now work is the thing making me sick everyday and i just don't know what to do for the best.

I have been on AD for a long time and ironically came off them 6 months ago as i was improving, since then I'm on a low dose but my GP agrees that the quicker I'm out of my job the better.

7

Hi, your welcome. You might be better then letting your Doctor sign you off for a while and going back

on the AD, and don't worry about work and letting people down at work it's not your problem, an as for

your boss let her get on with it after all she has been of no help to you so far. If the Doctor signed you

off would you be on full pay from your employer? You could do with finding out that info and for how long,

but I think you need out of there. I've tried all kinds of AD but the ones that have helped me are Mirtazapne 45mg and Sertraline 200mg x2. If your boss keeps on at you I would just write her a letter putting her in the

wrong, and I think if she's honest with herself she'll know that she was.

8

Easier said than done, my boss is the main issue and i have a very high profile job in my department.

Ive been there long enough to have 6 months full pay and 6 months half pay, but. Ihope to be resigning asap!

9

We'll I hope things turn out for you and good luck x

10

It sounds like you know the source of what is causing your depression and anxiety (your boss)

I woukd definately look for another job (preferably with an employer who is not a family friend) and make a fresh start. Whenever I left a job in the past I would always take a couple of weeks off inbetween starting a new job so that I could rebuild a relationship with myself and try and dismiss any bad practice that I may have up from the previous job. I would reinvent myself and start my new job with a positive attitude and put the past behind me. I wish I was still that person I used to be sad hopefully things will start looking up for me once my A.D takes effect.

I think you know what you need to do, its just taking that leap thats scary. Feel the fear and do it anyway.

Ruby x

11

Thanks, After speaking with my GP i know i wont be there long as he wants to sign me off.

Feel the fear and do it anyway is a book, have you read it? X

12

Strangely enough I have just ordered this book yesterday, it should arrive tommorow!

Have you read it?

Its supposed to "change your life"

X

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I started to read it a few years ago and at the time it was great, maybe il read it again!