I have spent my whole life with mental issues as a child I spent a lot of time alone. I was physically abused by my father, also bullied at school and have had suicidal thoughts there after. I have had episodes of depression from an early age but also have anger problems. I have been told I am an emotional abuser, wearing people down to a point where they push me away. I can't handle anything out of my comfort zone, I moan for the sake of moaning. Argue, have no patience, no interests, quick temper, find it hard communicating and interrupt rather than listening. I'm a mess, 43yrs old and don't want to spend my whole lifetime as I am.
It's a step in the right direction that you are recognizing and taking ownership of your negative behaviours. Have you seen any type of specialist to help you sort out your issues? Get some help and get moving. You don't have to spend the rest of your life feeling and behaving these ways. You are not alone. You can do this.
Laurie
Dear Nick
it happens. you are not alone. There are many like you in this world. and improvement is absolutely possible.
i have passed through somewhat similar situation.
as for not able to go out of comfort zone, start with going out of it for few minutes or small task, you can devise your own way. or at least do mental visualization of it with full concentration with faith.
it does get definitely better, stregthening of feebleness of brain is absolutely possible, though it is very gradual and requires perseverance.
may also consult doctor. but keep doing exercise , be on healthy diet and keep positive thinking and company of people who induce only positive thoughts in you.
Hi Nick - well, at least you've become self aware. And you're never too old to change things. I would suggest the root of your problems lies in the abuse in childhood. We repress the trauma in order to function in the world, and this buries the issues where they fester and grow only to emerge later in life. Some will say that depression is anger turned inward. Our adult selves blame our child selves for not being strong enough and outraged enough to have dealt with our tormentors at the time of abuse. It is, of course, illogical thinking. The rage within manifests in addictions, violence, self harming and "lesser" issues like impatience, tempers, and an overwhelming need to control situations.
You are on a journey. A safe place is needed where you can explore and vent these issues. A controlled environment where a professional is there to guide you through the process of expression and self discovery. See you doctor and explain what is happening. Anti depressant meds may be prescribed. A referral to a psychologist is paramount - that is the dafe place where you can explore the issues. It will take time and may be painful. It's a journey that will take as long as it takes. You will learn coping skills and a new way of viewing things. One initial hurdle for you will be to trust the professional and allow them to guide you. Listening to them is just as important as them listening to you. If you are not comfortable with the psychologist, seek another. You will be spending some time together and you need to be comfortable with them.
Good on you for being self aware and for seeking a solution to your life. That is courageous and must be applauded. As Laurie has stated - you are not alone. We are always here to talk. Best of luck to you.