Someone please help.I know this is very long but this forum is my only hope. And i prey that someone can relate to me and give me the light im missing in my life. I'm having a sever mental disorder that i cannot identify or handle any longer and im scared for my future. The only reason im here is because of my family. It all started about two years ago when i had just finished graduating highschool. I had a boyfriend and many friends. Turns out my boyfriend was cheating on me so i had to leave him. Meanwhile this was happening i also was doin drugs recreationally. My friends and i enjoyed music festivals like ultra and things of that nature and i would take one molly (MDMA) when i Went which was maybe once or twice a year and i had a great experience . I also smoked pot everyday for about almost two years during this time and tried (LSD) one time. The LSD trip that i had was not a good one. I was worried the entire trip and i thought i was dying. The next morning i woke up fine and continued to carry on and promised myself i would never do it again.The last time i did any drugs was around the ending of 2014, which is where it really began going down hill for me. I went to a festival with my friends named Electric daisy carnival in november. At that festival my boyfriend and i were freshly split apart. I had taken several bumps of two types of cocaine and took one molly several hours later. When i took the molly i had a horrible experience. I felt like the drug but no euphoria. I thought i was dying and almost went to the medical tent at the festival. Im not sure if it was the mixture of drugs or because of my ex that had me feeling this way. Or maybe even the LSD experience i had earlier that year but it was not ok. After that time passed and i went to a concert with my best friend and we had one small bag of cocaine. I took a couple of bumps and drank some malt liquor. My ex also showed up to the event but we went with seperate people. I had just finished leaving the bathroom stall after doing a bump when i saw my ex. I began feeling horrible physically. I felt scared and my body was weak. I told my friend we had to leave and she drove us home. When i got home i was still feeling super weird and smoked a blunt with some friends to calm down. I went to sleep and felt fine. The next day we went to a party and was still feeling a little weird. I had a tight chest and felt like i had to sit down. i decided to smoke out of a pure THC machine they to see if it calmed me down. I was able to fall asleep that night. The following day i woke up with a very tight chest and super tired. My friend picked me up and we decided to smoke another blunt to see if it would help once again. But this time it took a bad turn. Meanwhile smoking i had to stop. I felt like i needed to get out of the vehicle. Like i was suffocating and my heart was skipping a beat and my arm was numb. My friends rushed me to a hospital because we thought it was a heart attack. Only to find out it was "anxiety from the drugs". So after that my mind exploded it feels. I had a rush of thoughts so rapid and crazy that i began to think i had gone insane. Then i began to worry about the fact that i was insane. And it just became a mess. I was thinking like this all day from the minute i woke to the minute i fell asleep. I went to hospitals informing them that i needed help because i thought i had lost my mind. I made my mom so stressed about this and my entire family. This went on for a couple of months. I couldn't sleep all day and felt horrible. I was researching on my phone all kinds of symptoms to see if i could figure out what was wrong. I began to look at side effects for each drug i had done. I know im not depressed because i want to survive and be happy. I know im not that crazy because i don't hear or see anything thats not real. But i did feel like i was not mentally ok and like i was going to be admitted to an insane asylum. After all of my research the only thing that i could have concluded was anxiety. I went to a psychiatrist and psychologist and they said it was depression and anxiety. They started me off on paxil and tried helping. However i felt that nothing was working and i stopped. I convinced myself it was anxiety and began moving forward. Eventually it got better after a couple of months of going to the gym and convincing. i felt semi normal again. I was able to form relationship with friends again. I was able to go out and do things. But then all of a sudden something happened again. My 21st birthday came about and my only good friends i had at the moment did something very hurtful to me. They didn't want to go where i had planned for my birthday just because of the music that was going to be played at the venue. They wished me a happy birthday and spent a little bit amount of time with me but did not really make sure i had a great experience. After this i began thinking if it was worth being there friend or not. It was such a big deal to me and i felt that they had been super selfish in the situation. I began asking my coworkers and everyone around me for advice on what to do. You see if i had stopped being friends with these people i would no longer have any. So it was a tough choice and i could not decide. One night i went home and thought about the situation so hard and so much that i drove myself back to where i was before i started getting better. My thoughts went everywhere and then i began to worry about such scattered and rapid thoughts and i felt just like i did the day after my friends rushed me to the hospital. I am now in the same predicament i was months ago. I feel like i lost my head. Don't want to go out or be in social scenes. Im constantly googling symptoms. I don't feel like my issue stems from anxiety. I feel that my anxiety stems from the issue and i can't find a cure or treatment. I have written on this website as my last hope at finding anything that can relate. Please if you have any insight on this please let me know. My life is passing me by and my family and i are suffering. S.O.S.
I think in a way I can relate to you. About a month or a little over a month ago I took acid. It was my second time taking it and it did not go well. I also constantly smoked. The last few times I smoked I felt like I couldn't breathe or my heart was racing. Usually it would when I've smoked, it's calmed me down but it doesn't any more. After my bad trip I've had chest pains like my chest feels tight and there's a sharp pain. My heart even starts to race. It's scary and I really think something serious might be happening. But I've had 2 EKG's done, blood work done, an X-ray done, and everything has came back normal. I've had 4 doctors now tell me it's probably just anxiety/panic disorder. It's hard to believe when you're having physical problems. Like who knew anxiety could do something like that to you. 24 hours after my trip I went to the ER because I felt like I had to remind my self to breathe. I felt so out of it. When I tried sleeping my head would go somewhere else. Not like when you're falling asleep but like I was passing out. But again, they told me everything was normal.
First off, I know it may seem hopeless, but I know for a fact you can and will come out on the other side of this. Years of drug abuse has caused damage to your body, and the best thing to do is to stop putting them into your body. They may temporarily relieve the pain but they just contrubute to a much bigger issue. I would get to a psychiatrist if you feel thats somehting you could do. They would give you the tools you need to overcome the strange and horrible feelings. If not, there are many online tools for recovery you could check out. I am not very knowledgeable in drug addiction but I do relate to being trapped in a hopeless dark place, and trust me when I say you will be ok. Stay strong and keep fighting, you are most definitly worth it. may god bless you as you continue your path to recovery
Yea i had some exams done too. They all came back ok. Im just trying to really figure out whats triggering my anxiety
I know, me too. Last night I had a panic attack and I was just sitting down petting my boyfriend's dog and then all of the sudden it happened.