I finally got some sleep lastnight after giving in and taking a sleeping tablet which I don't like doing? When I awoke I eventually got around to checking this site and on reading the replies or chats between the lovelly Carmel and Julie, I put the kettle on and actually thought to myself "what's it all about" people can read the same msg yet get totally different perceptions of what they have read, by reading afew simple words they can assume they understand the individual who wrote them and what makes that person tic, observations and opinions are drawn by ones own perceptions and though often incorrect a debate can then ensue. I myself unlike what has been assumed by others am not insecure, I do not help others because it a way of escaping my own problems, I try to help others because they need help? When I see awful atrocities occurring around the world it affects me, to bury my head in the sand and think well it's not happening infront of me so what the heck I'll go get a pedicure is beyond all reason to me? Of course I have to put myself friends and family first but does that meen I shouldn't show compassion towards my neighbour? Do we pretend the holocaust current happen because it wasn't on our street? Shud we shun our elderly because (to some) they have out lived their usefullness? When we where babies and they looked after all our needs yes even cutting our toe nails don't they deserve our utmost gratitude instead of ridicule? if you help a blind man cross the road are you a good Samaritan or a fool for wasting a minute out of your life to help when he probably could of crossed anyway, especially if he had a dog, maybeAbit difficult for him but hey a minute of my life and not be paid? Is society collapsing so drastically that one can't help another unless there is a financial reward? Our elders suffered such hardships to give us the lifestyle we now have and if needed my help I would not hesitate to offer it, yes for free? Now if that is to escape from facing my problems it is a price I am willing to pay. However, my problems of which some seem to think they have a grasp of is that after days /weeks and finally mnths of nursing my sister while she was suffering the most appalling pain while dying slowly from a brain tumor is the cause of my anxiety, that and the guilt of leaving her in the final days of her life as I did not have the courage to watch her pass, that in turn caused me to have a breakdown and I've battled with my demons ever since? So ya see, "what's it all about" it's about the individual and what's more important to oneself.
I couldn't have said that better myself, we have become a very selfish society. Bring back the days when neighbours helped each other and people showed kindness and compassion to one another.
Money doesn't matter, neither do possessions. Am supporting my husband who is clincally depressed despite him leaving us. When we met we had nothing, we have nothing left now, what matters? His health and him getting better. Sorry to hear about your sister, lost my cousin last year waiting for a liver transplant situations like that put things into perspective and make us realise what matters most in life. J x
Jackie thank you for your kind reply. So sorry to hear about your husband and your currant situation and so happy to see there are still some caring and compassionate people left in this world, it helps restore my faith in humanity. Being strong and supportive is whats needed and by just reading the few words you have posted I know you have both assets in abundance, I hope your husband gets well soon and with your support I,m sure he will. You stay strong girl. You're a diamond.
night owl well said! your are a very caring person and thats a beautifull quality you have. i am the same i worked with the older people for 13 years also with learning difficuiltes which i loved. very hard work but rewarding. i do love children my dream would be to work with children because children are our future and even we can give them self worth and self asteem we can make this world a better place . lovely message well put..julie x
hi julie, the people who know me, of which there are many often say i am too caring? i am often left confused by this as i feel how can anyone be too caring? ive shied away from the world for reasons better left unsaid as my remarks will again be ridiculed and replies will be i,m after attention or trying to escape my own reality by diguising my pain in others misery? none of which is true, i,m just more aware or should i say sensitive of other peoples plights, to me i find it more important than ever to try to help one another? as jackie said, people used to look after one another, gone are the days that you can pop into your neighbours for a cuppa and a chat whilst leaving ones home empty and the door unlocked? sign of the times i suppose, because some people litter the streets does that give us call for all of us to start doing it? after all it maynot be outside your front door so why bother? myself i could not pass that empty can or crisp pkt whatever unless i picked it up and found a bin to put it in? agreed it wasnt my trash and it maynot be by my home' but if no one picks that trash up and it is left to multiply and others do the same, how long do you think it would take until you open your door to find that indeed the trash has found its way to your door after all,i do unto others what i would like done unto me but i dont do it expecting that, its just nice when something nice comes along and it all seems worth while..
hi night owl 2, you have given me faith that there are some good people in this world, i remember the days when neighbours came in for a cuppa and u could leave ur front door open when i was a child great days we would all sleep at each others homes and could even camp out in the front garden and feel safe. great times! carmel said people who are depressed care to much as it makes them feel better i disagree i think caring to much can make us frustrated to how things have changed.. your a good person never change but do think about your self also thats very important for well being. and we need people like you in this world so its important to also take care of your self x
Thank you for your caring and compassionate ways. You have such a commendable outlook in spite of the tragedies and hurt in your own life. And to Jackie, too, you're a fine example of kindness. I hope your husband gets better soon. Good luck to each of you.
Hi Julie, I feel humble reading such kind remarks about myself and thank you so sincerely for taking the time to help cheer me up at the exact moment I needed it? I agree with you when you disagree with Carmel about depressed people care to make themselves feel better? As lovelly as Carmel is I pretty sure she's never suffered from depression? When suffering from depression one doesn't have the energy to care about themselves let alone others? We inadvertantly hurt our loved ones causing them worry and stress, don't want to face the nxt morning knowing the depression will be there when wake up. It's easy to diagnose someone as "so called depressed" (caramels words) when one hasn't suffered from it themselves? I have suffered from depression in the past and it's a nightmare wrapped in a nightmare and should not be taken lightly, my heart bleeds for those who are going through it not just for them but also for the people, friends, loved ones who care about them or for them during this period. I no longer suffer from depression I just find myself unwilling to face the world at the moment, no doubt that will change and I once again can do all the wonderful things I used to? Yes hun, I remember times such as playing hopscotch on the pavement, all the kids with skipping ropes and our parents sitting on the steps chatting while watching the kids? You've put a smile on my face by bringing those memories back, thanks hun.
hi night owl 2 u are very welcome ! a beautifull message thank you. i have had a tough life like alot of people have, its called life and can be changed if we wish it to be! you sound a wonderfull person! allways remember that. yes ive been through depression only just come out of it and working hard on my self for once ive allways put others first brought two gorgeous sons up single handed and there happy and doing well . but when they left home i felt like someone had taken my right arm off and miss them everyday and think about the good days we all had, we was known as julie and the lads what a lovely family. wasnt easy and didnt allways get it right . i was a young mum with no support but i did it :-) i trusted someone last year as i was very lonely and he abused me so i went into my shell and didnt trust anyone. so hid away causing depression! i have now admitted to my self i need support am starting classes soon for well being and then will get back to work i am a cook so hoping to get back into that soon! or if not something less stressfull was a awfull place that i worked at oh well you live and learn and thats the pasted! ive had councilling because of the abuse that happened last year and helped me alot.. remember you are worthy . we was all born the same little babies its what happens to us after that what makes us who we are! and what ever happens to us we learn from it and become stronger and better people. i was a shy child low self asteem due to my childhood but my mum knew no better! shes very ill now because of her life style she drinks. so its a worry but i have tried to help her but its like hitting a brick wall so gave up.. you are a star! and we all need a little help sometimes and its out there if we open up. and admit we suffer sometimes..much love to you..julie
Hi Vickycam, Night Owl 2 & Julie 1111
It's good to hear the opinions and perceptions of others. It;s not only good to share experiences but what's helped me the most is hearing how depression makes people feel. People having depression and sharing their feelings reminds me that depressed people don't intend to hurt those they love. It's many years since I had anxiety and agoraphobia and a very painful experiene to relate back to but I do remember lashing out as I was terribly frightened and hoping some one would finish me off so I couldn't experience another anxiety attack. I tried to explain the the husband who is clinally depressed that he was under no pressure to do anything he didn't want to do or feel uncomfortable doing but he's refused any help at all, sadly he is now trying to push me to make a decision on Divorce and his solicitor has said if I don't do it they will and the grounds they will use are my unreasonable behaviour! This unreasonable behaviour relates to me telling three of our friends he has depression in the hope they would help and support him where I, our families and the professionals had failed. Does this bother me? Yes I'm upset but I as well as a long list of other people including his boss know he is ill. After what I went through I am much stronger and have balls! So yes I'm going to fight this and prove he is ill. My children have been amazing they're both very supportive and know it's nothing I have done, I can't thank them enought for being such great kids, I'm so proud of them both x
hi jackie82937. lovely to meet you! so sorry your husband isnt admitting to his depression many dont and deal with it by hurting others and thats what hes doing to you but maybe doesnt understand he his or maybe he does! i dont know? you was trying to help him get support as you have been through depression and well done getting through it because it can be beaten. alot of it is life related were human after all with emotions! go girl prove to the lot of them hes ill, he shouldnt be doing that to you ..your the mother of his children and they can see this and love you very much.. i also have two children and they see there dad as a disapointment ..which he his . i never once stopped them seeing there dad but they stopped seeing them . well done keep strong x
I'm so glad you have a supportive family. It's such a shame that your husband doesn't realize that he could be helped out of his depression and become the well adjusted person you are. But as they say "you can bring a horse to water but you can't make it drink".
Hi julie, sorry to hear about the hardships you've been through, I too was abused in my relationship? Yes, it's not only woman who can meet the wring persob? Lol. I was with the same girl 4 16yrs and it was only a few hours ago that I left my house to go see her and explain it's over? Don't get me wrong it hasn't been a real relationship 4 quite a while now more like good friends. She,s a lo elly girl and I will miss her deeply but in a way I think she may well of been part of my problem, she very rarely drank but often when she did she would sometimes have a line? (coaxed by her so called friends) I don't mind, each go their own I say but she would come home to mine knowing I could never harm a woman and for whatever reason kick my head in unless I was quick enough and got out of my house. I always forgave her and thankfully it wasn't often it would happen but if she went to a friends I could never settle until I saw how she was when got home? I've taken her to many destinations around the world, I've tried to do right by her and even now there's nothing I wouldn't do for her short of putting up with the violence anymore, you see, being an easy target attracts violence be you make or female. I wish I had hope she would come to her senses and she will probably say she will but she is very easily lead by peer pressure and then my nerves will be shot once again. Hopefully I am doing the right thing, Its not that I want to be with anyone else but at the sane time I wouldn't assume all woman are like her and you should not assume all men will be like your ex? There are a few out there who are pretty decent people hun who would cut their own arm off before raising it to a woman and who would stand infront of a speeding train to protect her? Don't give up angel, you seem a good catch and one day someone will be lucky enough to meet you and you,ll take that chance.
Hi vickycam, thanks for your reply hun, a kind word can go a long way and your kind words have come to reach me. Thank you so much.
Jackie Jackie Jackie, been through it haven't you girl? You seem like a very strong lady, devoted mother and caring partner.it's a lucky man who finds such a woman and the men who do are often undeserving. I hope things all work out for the better for you angel, you just be strong.
I have and many people have asked why I'm still putting up with this but you do when you've had a life time together 34 years, the relatinship was good before he came ill which was a result of his job and being bullied at work. I've had to have recent Radiotherapy for skin cancer, luckily not the type that spreads and lost two relatives within the last 8 months. Husband kept saying he didn't deserve someone like me, why i was ever attracted to him and he had become a bad and mean person. It's all very odd but I know it's nothing that I have done and now his solicitor and him are looking for blame. I've had to document everything in case of a potential lasw suit against his employers, his job has dissappeared in suspicious circumstances and they knew he was ill. His solicitor will have her work cut out taking me on, I just hope when she sees the written evidence and am able to supply witnessess she will see what's really going on but you never know. x
Thanks Vickycam I'm really lucky even the husband's family are 100% behind me, they'ved tried writing to him but nothing. As the children have said he's being very silly and stubborn and they to are frustrated, our daughter who is 19 has been left with anxiety and had counselling as a result of this. I don't mind him hurting me but i draw the line at the children being affected and although they are older I will still protect them at all costs. x
Hi Julie 1111
I think he just doesn;t want to admit he has a problem any mention of MH issues he becomes very defensive. He used to come occassionally for the odd meal and visit and send the odd email but he is now trying to cut off all contact. He has left our relationship and family, left the home which he's frightened of he assocaites it with the bad year at work and as a bad symbol and now he's job has gone, he's pressed the self destruct button on his entire life. He emailed a few months ago and said he wasn't mad but unhappy? I emailed and said if he's left us all why would he still be unhappy? No response!
I found some diaries going back to his teenage years and each year make some reference to depression. I got him to counselling via our GP with a Psychologist he said the guy had helped sort his head and told the MH Crisis Team manager the sessions were useless! We have to laugh at that one!
I've told my two they must do what they want around seeing Dad but Dad has never showed them much affection he's been a workaholic so neither of them are interested which is extremeley sad. x
hi night owl 2. thats awfull and shouldnt happen to anyone .. she was wrong maybe a break from it all would be good for you so u can look after your self.. the guy who abused me wasnt a partner he was a friend who groomed me then spiked my drink i reported him to the police awfull time i had to do a video link , i wasnt well for a long time losing my job but wasnt a good place to work anyway. have some you time night owl time is a great healer x
hi jackie. the question you asked him about why his he unhappy when hes left you was a brilliant question to ask him .. says it all doesnt it! its not you or your kids its him! its so sad when kids feel like that towards the father my oldest son his the same with his father. sperm donor lol sounds like he wont admit it! i wouldnt bother id just think about your self and kids...if he cant admit hes depressed what hope is there for you and your children.. kick him to the kerb! but thats your choice not mine or anyone elses x