You know, it's very ironic how i always tell people how to let things so, be happy & progress on this forum yet I don't listen to my own words. I think I'm probably tgis most afraid one. So, came across something called "broken heart syndrome". I Google's it. The first thing that caught my attention, "if your having shortness of breath & chest pain, call 911 immediately. & Guess what i did, panicked. Now a couple weeks ago I got into an argument with my mom. My heart started beating so fast to the point where i couldn't breathe &my chest started hurting. My head felt lile it was going to bust. I was pretty sure I was going to have a brain hemorrhage or an aneurysm, a stroke, cardiac arrest, or a heart attack despite me being 16. So at this point , on top of me being worried, I thought I was going to die.
I get scared everytime i feel like my blood pressure is too high or dropping. I won't eat certain goods like I use to. I use to eat hamburgers, pizza, & fried chicken like it was nothing & just drink plenty of water & excersise later. But now? I feel like I have to look at every single nutritional fact on everthing i eat because im afraid i i take a bite out off anything healthy, a life threatening event will come soon after I eat it.
I won't go anywhere, I overload on fruits & vegies & im losing weight. When i was reading about broken heart syndrome, it said that it was more common in those who have anxiety, so im like omg. You can't be serious. Here's yet another fear in my head. First it was a heart attack, then cardiac arrest, and well... Now it's both & broken heart syndrome. Just my luck lol. *another one* DJ Khaled voice
Mind you i NEVER use to be like this until I started googling everything. Now tgat im aware of almost ever condition there is, I'm extra precaution about everything i do, & feel. Mostly, it's just my heart eventhough im 16, I use to play basketball, be the mascot, &I've had 4ekgs, 3 chest xrays, blood tests, a holter, an echocardiogram, &a stress test. Despite all these tests & the fat that it took me 9 mins. to get to 175 beats, I still feel alarmed. Everytime i go to the cardiologist my blood pressure is usually 110, 112. You know the usual . The lady was like "oh wow your blood pressure is perfect!" I'm sitting here thinking to myself, "ok, if my blood pressure is normal, then obviously i don't have any fatal heart arrhythmias" BUT at the same time, I'm thinking, "what if there really is something wrong? What if i get on this treadmill & just die?" Ridiculous right? No?
So here's the most recent, I went to urgent care because my back hurts when i breathe, chest started hurting etc etc. My mom is really stressed out because she takes me to sooo many doctors & they all say "its anxiety". My mo.just keeps telling me to calm down it's just anxiety but im thinking to myself, "i don't wanna hear that nonsense. Whatchu mean it's anxiety? OBVISOUSLY something is seriously wrong"
So we get into a little argument, we get into urgent care they check my blood pressure & it's 135 over 70 something. "IM LIKE OMG I CAN SMELL A STROKE." Of course I didn't say that out loud lol but my anxiety got the best of me. So she did my other arm...checked it again... 144/76. At this point im pleading to God . I was crying, moving, in pain, & having anxiety at the same time so thats probably why it was so high. It seen higher before when i went to the er for IBS & it was 153 but that's another story 😉
My mom is in the medical field so she's trying to calm me down & so we're the nurses. I started taking deep breathes but it was hard because i was so shaky. I got dizzy. You know, the usual anxiety "im about to die omfg help me" symptoms. The doctors didn't seem concerned at all & they were taking too long so I got irritated because i thought i was going to die at any moment & y'all just sitting here like WHAT ARE YOU DOING? COME ON BEFORE THE STROKE COMES DUH.
So the doctor walks in, see my posture. Automatically says, "do you sit like that all the time?" I'm like yea... So she says i have Thoracic Kyphosis. She gave me a shot of toradol which is EXTREMELY painful because the medicine is so thick. I was crying for about 2 hours. She goes on this lecture about how her daughter is a hypochondriac, I need to calm down yada yada yada. Girl...its not that easy. She gives me tylenol codeine, steroids, & ibuprofen. She could tell i was in an eminse amount of pain.
More fears run into my head. What if i go into anaphylaxis? What is she gave me too much? What if she gave me the wrong meds? I also hate taking benzodiazepines, narcotics, sedatives, & opioids because they slow down my breathing too much &I start to gasp for air. I've had morphine & codeine at a hospital because i had a cyst on my ovary & I wasn't breathibg like that so it's probably just anxiety. But guess what... I'm not taking it.
So as I sit here & type this, I just want you guys to know how I feel, &to confirm im not crazy. I've diagnosed my self with brain cancer, meningitis, carbon monoxide posioning, heart disease, mitral valve prolapse ( my mom has it), cancer (of course, that's a classic) brain anuyersum/hemorrhages, like the list goes on & on. Am i the only one, am I crazy? Can I stop this? How? I wanna be normal again...
The only conditions im aware of is acid reflux, anxiety, kyphosis, & a couple skipped beats from the holter. I'm literally scared of everything & I know God didn't create me that way. I was reading on Kyphosis & it was saying it can cause breathing problems & heart disease. Im not sure how accurate that was, but im freaked out. It was a study saying that Google only came up correct 34% of the time when diagnosing. I'm still scared though.
Every little heart palp, every little chest pain, every little breathing issues, every headache, every nauseous feeling, is a sign of something fatal to me & I know i should think like that which makes it worse.
I could make this longer, but you get the poin, we all have anxiety here. So... do you guys have any advice, tips, comforting techniques? Wanna share your problems with me also so i know I'm not a nut case? Please do.
But bottom line is, in afraid somethings wrong with my heart from emotional distress, anxiety, & kyphosis. If you've made it this far, your a real one ❤. Thank you so much for reading.
xoxo.