Who to talk to and what to say?

Mental health
1

I’ve had problems for most of my life, now in my sixties, and recently retired. All my life I can’t remember a time when I didn’t want to die, but, to live you have to eat, keep a home going and all that entails, and, well, live. And so, I just kept my head down and did what I had to.

Now whenever I go to bed at night I think about, at my age, the fact that there are so many age-related health-problems that could strike at any time, and that scares me. Not being in control, scares. There’s no such thing as an easy death is there.

How insane is this? I don’t want to live because I’m scared of dying. Aren’t we all? I guess.

On the basis that I’m never going to take my life, I’m to much of a coward. I just wish I could walk out of my house, out of my town, and never look back. My only hope, I think, is to start afresh somewhere else and quietly see out my time.

But I can’t do it alone. Self-confidence nil. Self-esteem ditto.

Who do you talk to when you don’t know who to talk to?

Who do you trust when you don’t know how to trust?

This is not a covid related rant and how can I walk into my doctor’s surgery with all this lock-down stuff going on?

I feel like a fraud, I don’t want to be accused of wasting their time, and should I really be going to my GP with this anyway?

I don’t know what to do. But I need to do something.

I hope you people won’t mind my having posted this. I’m sorry…

doubting…

2

I’m curious, have you ever taken any meds? Have you been in depression all your life? And have you had a full head to toe work up by good doctor?

3

sorry you are feeling like that. I am also in my 60s and I often have the same thoughts about illnesses.
I can tell you what has really helped me was speaking with the counselor. they are great listeners and can help you look at things a different way and turn things around for you.it’s very difficult to do this alone and to try to find answers and having someone else there who can help you is essential.
they have seen all kinds of issues people are having and they do this on a daily basis. I was so glad that I went and I was even hesitant at first.
I would also say if you haven’t had a complete physical check up with your doctor, it would be a great idea. You can mention this to your doctor, however they don’t normally deal with anxiety and depression issues except to prescribe a medication. they don’t make good counselors.
I have had many scary thoughts often on about health issues, what’s going to happen to me, etc. however, I have learned finally how to live and that is in the present moment. as we spend our time worrying about what’s going to happen to us, we are missing out on living in the present. And once that is gone it’s gone. wasted too many years with that concern. Now when I wake up, I think of all my blessings, I go for a walk in nature in awe of everything. I take in as much as I can.
Nobody has full control of the future. We just have to accept that . but what we can do is take care of ourselves the best we can. As we age, it’s so important to eat healthy foods, stay hydrated, get some exercise, some social time also. A positive mindset is so important! This is one of the reasons I suggest you talk with a counselor. Just spill your guts! it feels really
good to vent!
do do you have any family or friends you could talk to? Sometimes churches have people there you can talk to
. Another thing that helps me is listening to positive self affirmations or meditations on YouTube for anxiety, depression, etc. There are hundreds of them. This does not take the place of a counselor but it’s something additional you could do!
The RIGHT mindset is very important! you can do this! One day at a time. I highly recommend a book called mindfulness.
sorry this is so long but I just wanted to respond to you because I’ve been in the same boat but I refuse to give into negative thoughts. There’s still a lot of life to live! You can private message me anytime. :heart:

4

I do not pretend to have an answer to these difficult questions. I was a bit like that too. I was giving myself short life expectancies from age of 18. now i am 51. Most of the things I worried about never happenned. I wished now I like myself a bit more. Its all down to self esteem.
You are a valuable person. Acknowledge this and you will be fine. Try solving a problem, work on a great idea, start a trust, travel.
best of luck sir.

5

I am very sorry for the way you feel. I often have similar thoughts as you. I am just turning 50 and i often ask myself “where did my life go” and i know that my younger days are behind me, and i can never go back. I scares me, death scares me and a painful death scares me even more. I dont think i am a coward for thinking like that. I think i am a coward if i give up, and force my loved ones to live without me. Depression stinks and i have lived with it all my life since i can remember. But i realized i want to live, great things are yet to come my way. Grandchildren, living with my wife and cherishing her, watching my kids get married, etc. plenty of things i still wish to do. If i get sick, i will get depressed because i dont want pain, and it makes my anxiety worse when i am sick, so besides being sick and dealing with that, I also have to deal with my anxiety symptoms also, so its like a double whammy. But you are not alone and when we think of our own mortality, thats when we get sad. But i assure you, you still have a long time to go, you have many wonderful years ahead of you. You will stay healthy and you will live well into your 90s. But you have to stop thinking negative. I know its hard, but many things are worth living for. People will miss you if you give up, and you are not a coward now, but dont give up. If you dont want to listen to me, listen to Jan34534, as she is your age and very wise. She always finds a way to make people feel better. You will be fine and maybe a therapist may not be a bad idea, so you can talk stuff out and find the positive things in yourself and your life.

6

I Have never spoken openly to anyone about my situation so no, no diagnosis and no meds.

Re: Seeing a councellor or therapist.
I think I would like to do that if only to make clear what my situation is and find out what practical help might available to get me to a new beginning, but I’m posting from somewhere in England. Is that sort of thing possible here? and how please?

David, I don’t want to have many years ahead of me, wonderful or otherwise. I could have a most wonderful day ever but it would be soured by the fact that there will, very probably, be a tomorrow. As for people missing me, yes, I suppose there might be one or two, we’re not the closest of families, but those who really care about me know that I really don’t care for living, and, I think, would accept my passing with a kind of “well it was what he wanted” attitude.

Frank, I’m sorry but I don’t feel inclined to start anything. I really would rather just lie down and go to sleep and not wake up. Also, I want to have anything to want because that would make want to live my life and ugh! Enough said I think.

Jan, church is out of the question, I’m as devout an atheist as you will ever meet. No offence intended. Friends? We, my wife and son( now grown up and gone ) and I have lived in my street for thirty years and I don’t know a soul. My choice, I always kept myself to myself. You’d be amazed at the ill-feeling that that can cultivate. I don’t think about that. People used to say ( to my face even )" he thinks he’s better than us", can you believe that? If they only knew, but I can’t let that happen, and so, this is my life.

ko, have I been in depression all my life? Depression or something like it, yes, I think so. “Full head to toe work up”? For my age, I couldn’t be in better physical health. What a waste, what I shame, and I DO feel bad about that. What many people wouldn’t give for my physical health and well-being and I’m sorry for that.

So, bearing in mind this England, and we have this Covid thing going on, how might I get to talk to a counsellor or therapist, hopefully paving the way for me to get help to move a hundred miles away, in any direction to quietly see out my days? All suggestions welcomed and I thank you all for your replies.

Oh dear, now I’m apologising for a long one.

doubting…