I've been dealing with depression and anxiety for about 13 years now and I think I know myself and how to keep it under control to a limit. However, when life throws a bombshell at you it can get out of control. I have recently had a so called friend tell me I'm childish, a princess, that I make people feel uncomfortable, etc etc, because I had closed down as I wasn't coping with things that had gone on in my life. This has affected me so much and I can't shake it, it's put me into more of a depressive state and I don't want to get up in the mornings. Help
Carron5 ahh... I have been in your shoes.
It's horrible.
My closest friend (we have known each other since childhood,) went from being very supportive (as I was also supportive to my friend,) to suddenly losing it one day with me. My friend said some very hurtful things and it really, really hurt me.
Like you, I had been dealing with stresses and battling my heightened anxiety. I wasn't expecting the reaction I got at all.
We always come across people in our lives - be this through work, hobbies or even just daily tasks - who have little time for those who battle anxiety, depression or both. Sometimes people's very manor can be so dismissive and curt that it sends us hiding away like mice... But when a friend does this (especially a close one,) it can be the most awful thing to deal with.
The way I went about it was to pull back. This was very hard because I actually have a very, very small social group (i boarder on being a hermit, mostly.) I felt extremely lonely... But I just didn't want to face my friend and I also knew that what she had said and done was wrong. I did have a modicum of pride left and I couldn't let someone say such awful things for me to come crawling back...
I stopped calling and stopped reaching out and left my friend be. After a while I fibally found out that, at the time, my friend was in an extremely unhappy situation but didn't want to tell me and so I couldn't help.
Perhaps this is the same with your friend? We never know what truly goes on in people's lives and this may give you a different angle to see things by.
One thing I will warn you (and it may not be the case for yourself and your friend,) but my friendship was never the same. The trust was gone.
Take comfort in those around you who love and care for you and try not to go over it too much in your head... I am sure you did nothing wrong.
Sometimes we do not need or should tolerate toxic relationships.
I agree with you. Sometimes relationships do not always begin that way, but can certainly turn sour over time and when they do it really is best to either walk away or create boundaries.
When a close friendship turns sour this is not always so easy to let go off, sadly... I hope that carryon5 finds a way to
These comments are the reality of what shapes you. Learn now and forever they have their own issues and confusions going on and how they interpret their world is what forms the reactions they are having towards you. Its the biggest mistake ever, EVER to be less of who you are or unvalidate your feelings to people please. It is not selfish to love yourself, to feel worthy or to think and feel for you. They are lost in their form of help. This whole mess has a ton to do with your enviornment to begin with. It just does how your sense of self developed you are aware of no one else is. But you need to question this as if it is valid anymore or helpful to you. Go smack to the core. ask...What is one small thing I could do that would bring me closer to accepting myself and living more fully? I bet you have something in mind. This whole bag of garbage you hear from some. parents, peers, leaders, people..about if you think abiut yourself then you are selfish, if you love yourself hen you are selfish. Its bologna. They dont mean it in a bad way they mean it that you not bow to your ego. But many misundetand it and take it they are no one, less worthy of love or compassion..etc..and then this ripple effects until it messes your thinking up big time. Kn a true but scary note one thought embraced has a huge ripple effect. This is why it is important to choose which thoughts you embrace and empower.
i think i went to deepl into this for you, i hope i didn't. Bottom line is screw people pleasing! No one can command how you think or feel and no one in your enviornment should be given that power by you. Love yourself and do what you need to do to acquire and surround yourself with sincer and compassionate people. Everyone has a full plate these days so the way they respond or react to you love is on them not you. You lost you. Youre in there. You need to have a better enviornment or create one within you so you get back that self love and worthiness you accidently gave up on.
Lastely..Your "friends" are toxic for you at this time.
Carryon
Please tell yourself that tomorrow is another day.
You really , really do not need people who suppress the production of endorphins in your brain by deliberately bringing you down with their mindless negative comments and insults.
Trust me these people know what they are doing, in counselling they call it a stting in the tail.
Anyone who makes another feel bad or worthless or depressed, anxious etc is not a friend and to be avoided at all costs.
I had an internet friend who would try to wind me up.
Feeling sorry for her due to her being lonely etc I stupidly tolerated her tactless comments then I realised that she was actually doing it deliberately in order tomake herself feel secure and in control of my emotions. As soon as the penny dropped cutt off any communication with her. It was a little hard and hurtful at first but I began to feel more sure of myself as time went on and also I realised that she was not a very nice person at all.
Sorry to rant but please try not to feel so hurt. It willpass and you WILL start to feel better. Honestly. Take care, you are amongst lots of friends here.
Some so called friends behave like trolls.
Thank you, it's just been so difficult 😔 It happened about 3 weeks ago and since then I've had OK days then days where I just feel like everyone hates me and what she said was true. I have a really good close circle of friends that have been amazing and I'm so grateful for that. I have cut her out of my life as much as I can as the things she said (not all mentioned earlier) are inforgiveable and I wouldn't say them to my worst enemy. The unfortunate thing is she works in the same field as me and knows a lot of my friends so I do see her around and it highlights everything she said again 😥
Thank you 😊 She has made me question myself and who I am, where I've gone wrong in the past and where I go from here. It's horrible that I'm thinking like that, I have always tried to be there for anyone (including her) and would put anyone before myself. I know I need to move on from this as there's much more to life but what she said has really got to me 😥
Thank you 😊 I think she has a lot of insecurities and is lashing out but that doesn't give her the right to put other people down in that way, to pick on their weaknesses and rip them apart. I would NEVER speak to some one like that or the way I have seen her speak about others, it's just not nice. Unfortunately I do have to see her all the time due to work and other friends but I can't even look in her direction at the moment, it just brings me to tears 😥
I was reading an article today on GAD. It stressed the importance of trying to think about something else other than what is causing the anxiety. It made sense.
I feel that you need to withdraw from the situation psychologically and distract yourself over the coming weekend. Come Monday I would advise not speaking to this person or discussing your persobnal details in the office etc. Even if you say if asked what you did at the weekend I would sugges saying that you had a great time staying with friends. of any questions arise from this statement I would just spin a yarn . This may deter further bullying as it tells people that you are not aone. You are not alone anyway but this [erson is just a bully. It is her problem not yours if you see what I mean. I feel that you need to approach or view this person in the cold light of day and recognise them for what they are or she is. A cowardly bully.
You could start now by listening to preaceful, tranquil music to stimulate the brainwaves of relaxation.
You are amongst friends here xx
Thank you 😊 I can't even look at her right now, it makes me so upset so I avoid any contact at all. I don't think she'll ever realise what she's done, I've seen her do it before to others and not give a dam 😥
Carryon
You need to try to stop thinking about this person , you are giving her too much of your energy etc. Never mind that she does not realise what she does. The point is that she does it . You cannot control her behaviour but you can control your reacttion to her. Having said that if you appear not to let her bother you she will get bored as she does not have any immediate gratification and therefore her behaviour becomes pointless.
This is what has brought to your mindset. It isnt a natural way to live or proper. It is what people and sicuety have told you to do and they have been very wrong. Putting people before you, before your souls joirney, before your self love and who you are is poison to you and your body. It doesnt even make sense. Loving yourself is not selfish. Your confusing what all this means. You must always out yourself first, love yourself then you are whole then its easier to do for others and love doing it. It has to flow. People pleasing is something else all together. Thats more of the NEED to belong, to be accepted nothing to do woth being a selfless person but it sure will sicken you body over time.
Im going to make this up right now but the thought popped in my mind. Take a flower as an example. It utilizes what it needs for itself first. Water, sun, oxygen and the more the better. Then it grows and uses this all to grow strong and beautiful. You with me? Ok. Now in full bloom you have a beautiful strong flower. Not because it was pleasing the other flowers or whatever because this is its own journey. As a result of it doing what it needs to do for its own growth produces pollen..oxygen pending on it type and smells good and looks pretty making those who see it happy. Because it had self love, grew for what it needed and used it, not gave it away....the result helps the enviornment anyway as a result of it being the best flower it could be. I hope that made sense to you. It did to me lol. Be a flower.
Its not that you have to let these people "go" their flaws are on them. Its that yiu need to have self love and allow yourself what it needs to grow and be strong. It is not your mission to deplete your rlife sources (yourself) to help them fulfill their own growth. Do you first! The by product will be attracting the right people and circumstances into your life. Leave those leeches to each other..like weeds haha. Weeds tend to suffocate other flowers.