Why?

Why do I feel so lonely? 

How did I get this way? 

Had people in my life but no one that stayed

No one that would hold my hand when I sit and cry at night 

No one to help me to try and win this fight 

All I see is darkness there is no more light 

No one hears my story Nobody listens 

Just Slipping away into the distance 

Making a fist with my hand for the frustration I can't deal 

Wish someone understood this pain I feel 

Want help I really really try 

But no one hears my cries 

Reaching for the blade in my bedside drawer 

Not a place I like but been here many times before! 

Do I want to die? i am unsure 

Wish I could run, run out the door 

Where's the cure?

 I'm still seeking 

with every battle I lose my strength is weakening!

For others is the reason I'm still breathing 

But I hate this world that I live in 

Lost and scared, for this life I wasn't prepared

Trying to be strong 

A way out I try to see

But maybe this world just isn't for me! 

This is lovely x

Hi dondons

That sounds like a good description of me I often ask myself all the same things. But I have spent to many years wondering why I'm like this so I'm now taking a different approach. I'm trying to live in the solution and not the problem. I have suffered for 42 years now and it's a hard battle but iv decided I'm not going to lose this battle. I'm not 100% sure how I will do it but there has to be a solution and I will find it. I'm doing loads of research at the moment and learning a lot about new ways of dealing with this. I'm determined and when I find the answers I'm going to share it all on here. I'm on a mission to beat this and I will and I'm going to pass on what I have learned to all of you on this forum. We can't change the past be we can learn from it and try to move on. Nothing is possible 

Sorry I meant I suffered for 32 years not 42

yes i heard your cry for help, what happend that you have this feeling? this dark view of the world? And you are a strong person indeed if you kept this in for so long.  If this world wasn't for you, you would never be born in it. Everthing has its purpose. i like to think that life has many ways of testing a persons will. Either by having nothing happen at all or  having everything happen at once. And the people who left you in hardtimes are not worth your time. Those where no real friends.  And you know where darkness is there is also light i know i sounds kinda corny but it is true. Dont lose all hope and be swallowed up by this darkness. 

Stress is life. Stress is anything that causes mental, physical, or spiritual tension. There is no running away from it. All that matters is how you deal with it. 

Thank you for your replies, I'm trying to help myself, I see a counsellor once a week and have been taking anti depressants for a long time, when I feel myself getting worse I fight harder, push myself to do things that I'd rather not, keep moving forward, try to push the thoughts and feelings aside and be happy but it only works for a while, eventually I getting dragged back to this horrible place im in now, I've called my doctor this morning and have an appointment for tomorrow morning, not sure what more he can do for me but hopefully something.

Thank you again x

Please,  let us know how it went,

Hopefully you found the answers you where looking for

Xx

Hope you doc can help you move on to pasture new. You are havea great life and 5 lovely kids that lovely you. remember what you son did before christmas for you with bath stuff . Its things like that the remind you why you are there

Xxx

Its true and I know you idolise those kids