My wife has recently bee diagnosed with liver cancer and has a probable life expectancy of 6 months - 5 years (they couldn't be any more specific).
Currently we are in massive shock. She is only 59 and I am 42, and to be honest I'm having trouble staying strong for her. I just feel so sorry for her - she is terrified of dying and keeps saying that she just wants to stay with me and not leave me - and when I think that I could potentially have decades without her, it doesn't bear thinking about. I honestly can't imagine living the rest of my life without her.
I wonder if other people on here have lost loved ones early in life and if they would mind telling me their stories.
It's all about her now, and I want to do all I can to ensure she has an amazing life, but just feel I need to speak to someone myself in order to stay sane. Thank you.
Hi Alan, so sorry to hear about your wife it must have come as quite a shock for you. I'm afraid that I can't make any of this go away-I only wish I could. My husband and I are kind of in a simular situation (although I am 49 and he is 29-shock eh?) Love at first sight and married after 6 months ha ha. I'm ill myself with several things, tumor in my back, neck etc and thankfully they are benign and slow growing but along with osteoarthritis my husband wii face the same future as you at some point. I'm fairly strong about and sure your wife will probably be too once the news has sunk in..I know my situation is nowhere near the same as yours but I just felt the need to write to you.
Take care and best wishes
Thanks Jackie,
There is a similar age gap there. I was 29 when we got married after just a month of knowing eachother.
It's nice to know I'm not alone, although I wouldn't wish such an illness on anyone.
She is having chemo in a few weeks and an experimental drug, then they will be able to tell us more - but they can only hope to control it rather than cure it.
I hope the doctors are treating you well and thank you so much for replying. Regards to your partner as well.
Hi there-well I thought we had a whirlwind romance.
I can only wish your good lady all the luck in the world and as you say hope they control it so your wife has a good quality to her life. That way she can enjoy the time she has with you, the drugs they have are fantastic now and seem to be improving every day.You are fortunate to have each other and I think that's what is important now. You will probably have many people writing and giving you advice-I don't as I'm not in your situation but I'm hear to listen if you need to talk and vent.
Take care and best wishes to you and your wife.
Hi Alan,
Just thought that I would check and see how you are? It's been about three weeks since I last wrote to you (sorry so long) and I wanted to ask how you and your wife are managing at this time? I wonder if your good lady has started her chemo and if so how are you both finding that? I don't mean to pry but to offer you support.
Don't feel you have to reply I just wanted you to know I was thinking of you both.
Best wishes,
Jackie
Hi Jackie.
Not much to report I'm afraid. She is having her first chemo treatment on 21st September. We are staying positive and getting support from the Ellenor charity, who are amazing.
How are you doing?
Hi there 
Well glad to hear that you are both staying positive..is ife any easier for you? You sound so much stronger in yourself and its great that you're getting such good help from the Ellenor Charity-I'm so glad that you are both able to be a bit more positive I think that's half the battle.
All here is good thanks, our life is not too bad at the moment as we have decided to adopt a dog from the RSPCA once they have been to do a home check!
Take care
Hi Jackie.
Some bad news I'm afraid. The cancer has spread to her lungs and they are now giving her Radiotherapy. She is taking part in a trial which includes a new drug so hopefully this will help. She is starting the drug tomorrow and having the radiotherapy on 21st.
Glad you are both doing well and hope you enjoy the new dog. We have a cat (Willow).
Will post again when anything happens.
Hello Alan
i see that this post was 28 days ago. You posted recently so I was hoping you will read this message as soon as possible.
Have you tried other treatments besides therapies?
Hi.
I'm not sure what you mean?
I've done a lot of research into alternative therapies but decided not to try anything else.
Hey Alan, sorry to hear about the spread to the lungs...how are you both dealing with this information? Such a hard thing to hear I imagine- terrible from both of your points of view. How have you been since you found this out or are you a bit numb? I don't know much about all the new trials but we all know they are coming on in leaps and bounds every day. I hope the tablet suits your wife and knocks those cancer cells for six!
Appologies for late reply, husband has had a friend to stay for a couple of days.
Are your friends and family close so you can both talk with them? I don't know how you do a private message but I'm happy to give you my phone number and or email and we can talk more openly. If your wife wants to chat I'm happy talk with her too if you think she would like although I imagine she talks to her friends or people from the Ellenor Charity.
Anytime you need to chat I'm here-I will check in everyday and try to work out how to send private message ha ha.
Bet willow is getting lots of cuddles. We are having RSPCA check tomorrow then all systems go for dog.
Hi Jackie.
Yes it was a shock. They have gone back to chemo now though, hoping that if the primary cancer is treated this will help with the lung tumours, which are very small at the moment.
She is still not feeling any ill effects and is positive in herself, which is a good thing. She is still scheduled for next Monday for chemo.
We have family around to help thanks - but just out of interest, are you in the South East? She hasn't actually talked to anyone who also has cancer, but this may change when she does more things at Ellenor.
Alan.
Hi Alan,
Bet it was but hope all goes well on Monday, the doctors must have weighed everything up and decided that this is the best course of action to help with both liver and lung tomours.
I'm glad she is feeling no ill effects at the moment-how relieved you must be for her.
I wasn't trying to pry about private things ie friends and family to help but am happy you have their support-they can be helpful at times ha ha. We do live in the South East, don't find it a bad place to live overall.
Take care talk soon
Jackie
Hi Alan, just wanted to send best wishes to you and your good lady after her first chemo last week. I hope it all went well and you are both feeling possitive. I was thinking of your wife-and how you must have felt last week but didn't want to message you then as too soon.
Anyway I hope emotionally things are not too difficult for you-hang in there!
Take care and best wishes
Jackie
Thanks Jackie. Yes it went well thanks. She doesn't seem to have any bad side effects yet, although she did catch a water infection and had to go into A&E on Thursday last week. Currently she is fine, but tired.
How are you doing?
Hi there-I'm so pleased to hear that it went well on the whole and your good lady is doing well. I hope you are managing too? What happens next in regard to treatment-is it monthly?
All is fine in my world..the RSPCA called on Tues to ask if we woud take a neglected dog-she arrived the next day Funny thing is she's called Josie which was my mam's name (she died 6yrs ago this month) strange eh? She's a very underweight, small, patially blind-due to infection staffy-but we think she's perfect!
Take care of you and your wife, so glad things ok, talk soon,
best wishes
Jackie
Hi Jackie.
I hope you are enoying the dog? It's been a bit hectic here. My wife is now on Sorafenib but it's making her very confused and forgetful, so we are just trying to make sure she eats and takes her medication correctly.
Which is tough when I work full time.
Hopefully the side-effects will only be temporary but I'm walking around with a permanent knot in my stomach at the moment.
She has suffered from confusion in the past and it's like she becomes a different person. Not nice.
On the up side I have contacted Kings and they are hopefully going to deal with it soon. I'm trying to avoid giving up work and claiming Carer's Allowance, as this would severely dent our income.
Will post again soon with hopefully some good news.
Hi Alan-I'm sure it has been hectic there with all the changes happening. I have read up on Sorafenib and with all medications you obviously get good and not so good effects. I hope she she can maintain her diet and medication..I'm sure with your help she will.
I know it's tough when you work full time, you said before that you had family and friends that were close by; perhaps they could help out a little if they knew you needed a helping hand during work times. That knot in your stomach may loosen a little?
You say that she has suffered from confusion before..you just have to remember that there's nothing she can do and it sounds like you need a bit of support too.
Glad to hear that Kings are going to sort things out as soon as they can, hopefully won't be too long.
I understand what you are saying about the work side of things re income etc, perhaps you could have a chat with your GP or the McMillan nurses about other things that may be available to you alongside the Carers Allowance.
Best wishes to you-remember to take care of you as well as your wife, take care and speak soon,
Jackie
ps our dog is great!
Managed to get a month off work on full pay, so am able to be at home looking after my wife.
Hey Alan,
Was so pleased to read about you being to get a month pff work..it seems like your employers are being understanding towards both of you. This must really have put you at ease for the short term at least...and means you are able to be there. I just can't get over how your employer has come through for you!
When you last got in touch, you said that your good lady had suffered from confusion in the past-have you spoke to friends and family with the idea of a helping hand so you can have a break occasionally?
I sure you must both be feeling better knowing you will be there to spend the time together and not have to worry about money? Hope it's not too long until you hear from King's and that Mrs Alan is getting used to her medication ok?
Really good to hear from you-let me know how you're doing in yourself with all these changes..but you sound to have got things sorted fairly well
take care of you, take care and I know I've asked a lot (sorry my hubby says that's what I do!)
talk soon, Jackie