Will anyone ever care for me?

Mental health
1

I am a 21 year old university student and I hate my life. I feel totally worthless and useless. I feel like there's no place on this earth were I would fit in. I have zero friends (at least the ones that care about me). I am constantly overlook by my peers, disrespected also.

I can say that I am a nice girl, I have good looks and all and I like to make the people closest to me feel loved, but still no one cares about me, no one gives a damn about my feelings.

I often doubt myself because most people especially my mum and my family members don't feel am good for anything no matter how hard I try to change their minds, they just end up taking me for granted inside.

I have tried to make my life more bearable, I've read many online articles to see if I could find out why I was so invisible, and most just say that its my fault and I don't love myself enough and I don't put myself first and this makes me really sad because this is the only person I know how to be, I mean is this how s****y my life is going to keep on being if I live longer than this.

The closest person to me right now is my boyfriend and I've tried to give him hints on how I feel but he doesn't just get it, he looks at it like am just looking for attention, and this makes me all the more sad and misunderstood.

I've had thoughts of suicide for a very longtime now, but lately I can't think of anything else. I'll be graduating from the university in a few months and I just keep on wondering what my life is going to be like. I picked up a knife today and was about to slit my wrists but I didn't because I was in my boyfriend's house and I knew that it'll get him into trouble.

Lately av being fantasizing about taking my life, will I hand my self with a rope, slit my wrists, jump of a building, up into a well or off a bridge, I've not done it yet because I'm scared of going to hell or am scared I might survive it and then I'll have to look everybody in the eye and explain what I tried to do and my life will be more s****y. I feel so embarrassed to be writing this, but like I said I have absolutely no one to talk to, sometimes I feel that even God himself is tired of my whining, most times I just wish I would wake up and it'll all be over. I just wonder if am ever going to enjoy my life if I keep on living.

2

Hi Miss Alone

We note from a recent post which you have made to our forum that you may be experiencing thoughts around self-harm. If we have misinterpreted your comments then we apologise for contacting you directly. But if you are having such thoughts then please note that you are not alone in this, and there are people out there that can help.

If you are having these suicidal thoughts then we strongly recommend you speak to someone who may be able to help. The Samaritans offer a safe space where you can talk openly about what you are going through. They can help you explore your options, understand your problems better, or just be there to listen.

Their contact details are on our patient information leaflet here: https://patient.info/health/dealing-with-suicidal-thoughts, which also offers lots of other advice on how you can access the help you may need.

If you are having such thoughts then please do reach out to the team at the Samaritans (or the other people detailed in our leaflet) who will understand what you're going through and will be able to help.

Kindest regards

Patient

3

I know what you mean and exactly how you feel. I going the same thing.  Have you seen a therapist? On any medication or talk to ur family doctor about how you feel ??  I know there’s a lot of people in here if you need to talk I will listen and help anyway I can even if it’s for you to vent to get things off ur shoulders I know thinking that way isn’t the best solution but you need someone who u can talk to. Im here. But also look into ur family doctor to get a referral to a therapist.  

4

Thanks a lot for your comment. I come from a country where most people, especially the older generation don't really give much thought to this. People in my country know about depression, but I feel that most people around me feel that I don't have anything to complain about in my life, I have food to eat, a comfortable bed so I shouldn't be complaining. It's almost impossible to get assess to a therapist here and quite frankly I don't know anybody that has ever been to a therapist's office before. And even if they are therapists around, it'll be impossible to afford a session especially for a student like me that's still dependent on her parents.

I've tried confiding in people (my siblings, friends etc) about the way I feel but no one seems to understand or even give it some form of thought.

Despite the public awareness and all on depression, many people in my country and around me still see it as a "white man's illness", they believe that you shouldn't complain about your problems too much that the country is already hard enough, so I hope you can understand why I feel lonely, misunderstood and like I don't fit in or have a place anywhere.

Before I discovered what was haunting me I thought there was something seriously wrong with me, I had to do a lot of research and all, I'm not 100% certain that its depression, but I just knew that I had to open up and vent out my feelings.

Thanks so much for taking out time to reply, it really means a lot to me.

5

No problem but there’s State help you can get insurance threw them they pay it all. Google therapy around your area being a student and low income you be able to get to help you.  Therapist help a lot then set goals go over things that help you relax medication they can offer to help. If you have an ap store on ur pgonr download Calm Harm is an activity for to do. Try yoga not necessarily doing yoga but the music and sit and breath deep to relax ur mind. Another thing Write things down in a journal and things that help you get through the day. Put Postive poems up on the wall if cutting you seek to do most grab a Red sharp and use the cap to go over their arm cuz one it’s red so ur mind don’t know the difference.  I’m glad you you have responded 

6

It’s hard to read this as i have been in the exact same position as you. I am also 21 and have had depression for a long time, it’s only in the last year that it was confirmed. Have you seeker help from your doctor, on any medication, seeing anyone? I totally understand the barriers between your familys views and how you actual feel, it’s so hard when your surrounded by people who don’t understand or even want to understand but have faith that there are many others out there who do understand. Everyone on this group has probably felt what your feeling at some point or another. Infact i can almost bet they have! Speak to us when you feel down, don’t ever think suicide is the answer because your worth more! 

Hoping you have a positive day today! Keep trying to find a positive in every negative. Xxx

7

Hi!

I understand you! I 've been feel8ng like this too!But I understood one think ...until we don t love ourselves...we feel like nobody care and love us! First of all we have to try to love and accept the way we are and then will see that people care about us as well. When we have Low self esteem we think that we are not good enough and nobody love us because we don t !it s hard ..But I have days when I feel good and treat myself nice...tell myself nice words...appreciate the person that I am ,make myself pretty . And then I feel it from other people us well !

U have to try this ! For me it s harder..because my boyfriend never makes me compliments (maybe your does) ,but everyone else tell me that I m beautiful ..and sometimes that helps!

Wake up,put some positive music ,dress up,make yourself pretty ..and go out for a walk . .U will a better vine,attract some eyes..and u will feel more confident !

Take care of yourself !!

8

Miss alone,

So sorry you’re going through this. I have been in your shoes. I’m 21 also and had to withdraw from classes due to my anxiety and depression. I was on medication but I didn’t feel like it was doing anything for me. When I was really down I literally thought I was the only one who felt like I did and that no one understood and I wanted to die everyday. I had to physically force myself to go out and do things to keep my mind off of self harm and negative thoughts. I still struggle day to day, but I’m so much better. This sounds silly, but I found that singing out loud really helps. It just takes my mind off of it for a moment. Everything you said I can relate to sooo sooo much. You’re not alone I promise!!!

9

Thank you