Good afternoon,
I have just found this forum and hope that my experience and others on this forum will be act as a support network. I will keep my narrative as short as possible. I suffer from CPTSD and severe depression. Part of this is due to childhood trauma,Adult trauma and genetics. I have been taking medication for many,many years. I am a practising Buddhist which has been my ‘go to’ when feeling overwhelmed and not having the strength to pull myself through a black,dark,scary tunnel which goes on forever. I work,have a son and partner. They know me with and without depression. However, I have been taking zopiclone in very high quantities for many years. It is the only drug that allows me to sleep and remain calm. I have heard every reason for me to stop taking them but have decided that for now, I need to be on them. I have recently lost bothy parents, six months apart, as well as going cold turkey on zopiclone (they did not arrive in the post). I was admitted to hospital for nine days. Thereafter, I was in and out of mental health units (they made my situation worse). They could see that I could not sleep without the zopiclone. During this time, I started experimenting the most horrendous flashbacks, sometimes lasting up to six hours. I have never felt so much internal torment and really desperately wanted to end my life. It was not a selfish act, just a way to stop the intense pain. I am waiting for six counselling sessions,have started using my mantras again and work a few hours a week. I refuse to be judged by anyone for taking zopiclone. It is my burden to carry .If it allows me to have some peace then it has to be this way. I do not drink or smoke and try everything to keep myself safe. I have become a very good actress and put on a facade for most people. I used to feel so ashamed at what happened to me,but I have relinquished that for someone who deserves.
