Hi all, It's been a LONG time since I have used this site. . .Since the last time, I have been through the most difficult period of my life and experienced the lowest dip I have ever had in my mental health . . . I don't think I want to go into the whole story. Right now I don't feel like rehashing all of the pain, despair, torment and confusion . . . I want to move forward with these thoughts and intentions in mind. I just want to put it all down on paper here and commit to these acknowledgements in a way that holds me a little more accountable . . . So, here goes: I have realised how much I have hurt myself over the past few months. I punished myself, spoke so nastily to myself, treated myself so horribly. I didn't look after myself properly - I skipped meals or binge ate. I overworked myself and denied myself of sleep or procrastinated so much that I put myself under a lot of pressure to be punctual or meet deadlines. I criticised myself no end, constantly compared myself to others and always judged myself inferior. I withdrew from social interaction in the height of my loneliness and sense of discomfort with myself. I stopped doing ANYTHING because I found myself lacking in motivation, which only served to make myself feel WORSE about myself and even LESS motivated. . . In short, I denied myself of the basics - food, sleep, cleanliness . . . and concomittantly - joy. THINGS THAT HELP: Focusing on meals, medication, sleep and physical exercise Perspective Goals & rewards Reflection Journaling Regular downtime Singing and/or listening to music EXPRESSION - talking about feelings, social interaction A focus on BALANCE - self care, work, relaxation PHYSICAL TOOLBOX: Smooth rocks to hold/feel mindfully Deep breaths - you are always in your body. Never need to worry about forgetting it! Peppermint oil for stomach Water Checking in with body - are you too hot? Are you hunching your shoulders? Do you need a break (even a short one) I don't want to forget this. I don't want to forget this feeling. I want to commit to caring for myself. . . I have a tendancy to over-indulge. Maybe it's genetic. Addiction runs in the family. . . I never got too deep into one type but seem to hop from one type to the other. I have a poor relationship with food. Alcohol makes me depressed yet on more than one occassion, I have exceeded the limit in a bid to loosen myself up in social situations, only to end up feeling much worse. I amshamed to say that I have used men for sex and that it wasn't completely accidental/subconscious. . . I seem to look for the dopamine hit. I have a propensity to behave somewhat impulsively or recklessly. I have experienced dissociation. . . There have been a lot of stressors in my life over the past . . . 8 months. But I got through. As usual. I am strong. I am resilient. And I am determined to change and accept help and heal. I don't want to forget that even though I feel good right now, I need support because my issues run deep. I have long-ingrained bad habits that I need to learn to fight and KEEP FIGHTING against. This is my time. It won't be easy but "I got this". Agirl x