I'm 21 years old, I am a university student and I'm having a few issues. I had a tough childhood and was adopted 10 years ago so i've recently been having bad dreams about my past. I dont see one of my siblings and I think about him every day., it really gets me down.
I can't see a point to my life - I've had one really happy place: America. I would love to just go out there alone and live my life. I have no interest in men or women, no interest in sex. I have no interest in life really. I stopped going to uni after the first week and now I'm terrified that I've missed so much that I dont want to go back in. I cry at least once a day. I tried weed for the first time last week and it made me really paranoid. I feared that the man over the road was a terrorist and wanted to blow up my car, it freaked me out and I have fears that someone is out to get me. I dont know what to do because it's so unlike me.
I also have no interest in socialising or meeting new people. I can't be bothered to keep in touch with the few friends I have. I'm funnny, I like to make people laugh because laughter is, apparently, the best medcine. No one wants to listen to me rant on about how I feel there is no point to life, so why should I?
Sophie it sounds like you are in a really tough place but it also sounds like you are a survivor - Well Done! You describe yourself as a university student, which I believe you are proud of, as you should be. Most of us who have had it tough and have made it to university throw a bit of a wobble and its usually in part because control of the future is largely in your own hands for the first time ever and suddenly the uncertainty is worse than the pain. It's natural. The idea of "America" that you describe is not real, you are just describing an escape. We all need some escape from time to time, but I have found little escapes are usually the best; escapes that are personal treats that allow me to return to day to day reality feeling cared for. Show yourself some love; get back to university; get some counselling and remember its November - the darkest month of the year and the time when depression touches most of us. .
Hi Sophie, have you considered Counselling it may help you to talk about your feelings, you are missing your sibling which must be very hard for you. You sound like a lovely person who has lost their way, wanting to make people laugh is great, not everybody has a good sence of humour. I would advise to never smoke weed again, it causes paranoia as you have already experienced. You may be suffering depression which can make us feel like not socilising and withdrawing from people even our families and friends. Are you on any medication? Please look into therapies and conselling. Hope this helps.
Elizabeth.
Which university? Most of them have people onsite who are there for counselling and advice generally. You could go there as that seems to me to be a way forward helping you on two fronts.