This is going to be a little long but I really would love to hear if anyone else can relate. I'm almost 19 and I've never dated. My last crush that I was actually friends with was back in 8th grade, and every crush since then has been stupid ogling from afar and no actual interaction. That crush in 8th grade was also the last guy friend I've had. (He left the school and we didn't keep in touch lol.) my mom was never actually present in my life (she was always depressed and hid in her room and went to rehab etc etc u get the gist. She hasn't lived with us for 2 years now.) So I've grown up with my brother and my dad, so I never felt like I had a "lack" of males in my life. (my dad says that girls without good male family members tend to chase after boys more. This could be false, but idk.) I'm going to a community college for a year (which is why I'm still at home) so I'm hearing about all of my friends who are doing things with boys at their big colleges. None of us dated or had close guy friends in highschool. I feel like a failure and like I'm SO behind now since now they're all having getting boyfriends and having sex and making out all the time. The only time I've kissed someone (a stranger!) we were both drunk at a bar party and I didn't even want to. (It was a bad kiss too. I didn't even properly see his face it was so crowded and dark.) Ever since I was little my dad always said "boys are bad!" which I think could have subconsciously affected me?? And also, when I was bullied as a kid, the boys were meaner to me than the girls. When i went through puberty and got better looking, the boys that had been mean to me started to pay attention to me and it left a sour taste in my mouth since they had been so mean in the past. Now I have a guy friend (literally the first time since middle school) and he's really cool. BUT. I have had OCD for FOREVER and I have fears about being gay and im worrying about how I'm not attracted to this guy friend. Now that I type it out I sound really dumb and I guess you don't have to be attracted to every guy lol. But it's just been so long since I've had a guy friend that I've felt comfortable around and idk what to expect and i feel so crazy. My dad is always warning me that most guys will want to "use me" and that definitely doesn't help. Whenever guys that I don't find cute flirt with me, I don't enjoy it and I get super anxious about how I don't. (When it's a guy I do find cute I get so anxious and fluttery that my brain functioning stops.) I'm okay with guys that (please don't be offended) I don't think of as "cute." But then I get worried that I don't find them cute. I WILL APPRECIATE A RESPONSE TO ANY PART OF MY RANT. Thanks!!
Well as a mom of 2 girls In their 20's I can say dating is difficult for everyone. You are not alone in the struggle. My only suggestion is to relax and be open. Who knows what boy will steel your heart, be your first mistake ect but those are the experiences of growing up. When you get anxiety about it take a deep breath. Not all boys want to use you.