Anxiety and Depression is making me Crazy! Am i going Crazy?

Mental health
1

My name is Tom i'm 16 years old and a have a STUPID but horrible fear that i'm going crazy! I've had anxiety on and off for about a year now due to having bad experiences with weed but it's never really been as bad as now. I keep thinking i'm going to lose my mind and go schizophrenic and i'm going to start hearing voices and hallucinating and shit but i know that its just anxiety making me panic.

I started to get depressed about a month ago because i stopped smoking weed but all my mates were still doing it so i felt really excluded (i quit because i was feeling anxious whenever i smoked it and i panicked thinking that i was losing my mind). Also, my ex girlfriend who i was madly in love with started seeing a new guy and that was on my mind a lot and my life just was generally not as happy as it once was. I felt really down and i woke up one morning after a unproductive weekend of watching my friends get high whilst i did nothing but get pissed and i felt HORRIBLE in the morning, this was when the depression kicked in. I seem to remember having a vivd dream (probably just because i was drunk) and for some reason the dream startled me or something and made me feel gloomy, lonely, hopeless, unmotivated, no appetite and generally insane the next morning. I began to feel a little bit better as the day progressed, i had no energy or willpower to do anything! but my anxiety was flaring up a bit just because my mind felt like it was taking a turn for the worse. The depression began to die down after a week, i think time just slowly drained it away but i felt incredibly light headed and not with it the following week. It felt like i had no concentration at all in college and that all my focus was in my thoughts which were negative. it fealt like i was watching my life through a glass window and i would have no motivation, when i got home from college i'd feel bored and worthless, i started thinking my existence was just pointless and that i'm not actually important to anyone. I started speaking to my brother about feeling like this because he has struggled with depression on and off, he gave me really good comfort and assured me that 'you'll get through it you just need to battle it and distract yourself from negative thoughts, everything happening to you atm is just what depression does, it isn't you, it isnt how your life is meant to be'. My depression died down but then my anxiety started getting worse.

I started getting this intense fear of becoming schizophrenic, thoughts like 'what if all this i've been suffering with is the beggining of Schiz?' 'Oh shit i'm going to lose my mind!' 'I'm gonna start hearing voices when i'm in bed' just general thoughts that freak me out. I looked up Schiz thoroughly on the internet thinking that if i research into it it will cure my fear you know like 'facing your phobia' but it just made me a lot worse and aware of what the symptoms are, i began to think shit like 'shit what if what i'm seeing is not really their AGH'. Obviously i can see this was just irrational thinking. But things would trigger my anxiety in the day e.g i watched Woman in Black in film studies and i started thinking 'shit what if this happens to me and i start seeing ghosts!' i heard my brother who i share a room with sleeptalking in the night and though 'omg maybe that was a voice trying to talk to me!' I've been too scared to go to a G.P because im scared it would freak me out even more like the fact i am even going to the doctor's means im crazy. Besides i got rid of anxiety about 9 months ago by myself. I spoke to my brother about this fear and he just said 'Stop yourself! you do not have Schiz and you will never get it your just completely overeacting and overthinking'. It's been a month now and i feel like my life is completely different now than what it was before. I'm not as depressed or anxious i used to be, but my mind is still fixated on the thoughts that i'm going crazy and 'why do i feel like this' sort of thing. I'll get points in my day where i'll feel down and hopeless and then i'll feel fine. When im around my friends i feel completely normal it's just when i'm by myself my head gets overloaded with pessimism and i'm just sick to death of it all, i just want to let go.

Has anybody else had any experiences like this? cause i've heard when you have anxiety it is not uncommon to believe that you are going crazy, i just want some reassurance.

2

just to add aswell like i know it's going to go all this i just don't know when, i'm not a person who gives into it like i know it's just a state of mind and i've gotten rid of it before so i'm obviously going to get rid of it again. I'm 16 and i've got my whole life ahead of me i just think i'm having a bad series of events atm as i forgot to mention my grandma's passing away so that is going to make christmas quite depressing for the family and whatever but i know that all things must pass and it's just the way my mind reacts to bad situations. I'm quite an imaginative person and a very sensitive and cautious one at the same time like i've always been scared of things like bees, dogs, ghosts when i was little so it's no surprise a little bit of weed would freak me out haha. and reading over all this it looks stupid and laughable haha but i swear if you knew how it was for me it's shit scary

3

Hey bro don't feel alone I am going through the same thing I know to be honest I dont know why it even started I use to smoke Hydro weed mix with something that was at the age of 16 with my friend and brother we work in a Pizza place getting pay $4.75 a hour lame and not enough hours so we got together and became smoking buddys this went on for a year or so later on when my brother turn 21 cause at the times of smoking he was like 18 or 19 well any way at 21 he experience panic attacks he felt like he wanted to run and scream scare like he wasnt in place and to be honest they got worst he ended getting a job from 7pm to 7am that sucks so he got more depressed he got a gf and hardly could talk to her due to his schedule he ending taking anxiety pills for the stomach he went through this till the ends of august 2009 and it started in 2008 , well anyway i had this events happen to me at age 16 to 18 now i am 22 years old, last year in december on the same day you posted this thread I went to the hospital due to numbness in my face and neck i panic and felt like I was going to be brain dead on my left side so we went to the hospital and the doctor told me it was mindgraines and tension headaches meaning pinch nerve in neck causing the brain to hurt well anyway that one they gave me morphine to help with pain "bad idea" because I was sleepy and the time the nurse woke me up now I had this bad moment where my mind was trying to go to sleep and my body was awake I was screaming and wanted to go crazy and smash my head in a wall i couldnt think like my mind was controlling its self and imagine been drug and ur fighting to stay awake but ur body nerves are up and moving that is not a good thing anyway We got home and I couldnt breathe i think i got to much morphine that night I slept till like 5am the next day I woke up regular till my feet touch the ground I started to feel like i had brain fog and couldnt think like my mind was taking hostage and i couldnt be free of thinking so anyway the whole day I was sad and scare kept thinking if I was going crazy until My brother told me dude you are going to make it worst and really go crazy so I stop at night I went to bed and the next day the 3rd day I felt good i was still a little scare but before christmas i had move on completely from it and was normal again until january 16 man oh man I got sick stomach the acid came back up burn my chest throat and almost head burning feeling I though I was getting a heart attack so you can imagine I already had some anxiety and panic problems so those trigger and the next day I felt like I was crazy Like my mind was numb and my eyes were drug could not think could not feel happy i cry and couldnt eat I found out I had gastritis so meds did my stomach good but my mind i was going crazy again today is march 20 I been battling this depression/anxiety/ Hopelessness/ sadness for almost 3months Everyday I improve I do more things I like I laugh watch tv shows and do so much , I have a conclusion for me and u and other people going through this before this happen to me I had a bad life bad child hood and violent times so this last year 2013 I study computer programming self taught its hard I push my mind to learn all these codes some times with out no sleep until december When shit struck you can imagine been stress no sleep and mind over working to learn stuff well eventually we over heat our brain and things happen like this i notice that when I keep my mind busy with things and have a day plan out I feel normal and me again but when I am alone or nothing but sitting down playing videos games I feel scare that thought comes back and haunts me like hey you where gonna go crazy stop acting like you are normal so I start feeling scare alone depress and liKe im gonna go crazy and I wont ever be able to move on why do you think I found this post but to be honest bro Is all in our mind I mean something mess us up our minds over work and stress thats call a meltdown I know that we might feel like we will one day be okay and some times we feel like we are not and wish u had a time machine to remove that thought of going crazy and depress away but we can by rejecting it with other things work out go out dont watch sad movies or show or music better laugh play read books keep your mind busy dont eat or drink caffeine or food that will make you feel sick or worst you need to fight to gain your mind back kick that thought ass and replace with things i know sometimes one bad thoughts hits us and we feel hopeless and sad and wish we could not feel like that but trust me if we avoid bad thought we work out and eat right and not feel guilty or bad or blame ourselfs we can move on from this sorry for what you are going through just know ur not alone bro :D and tell your brother he is awesome cause mine is he is helping day by day feel me again

4

I've had the exact same expierience, minus the weed. But I actualy went to talk with the schoolpshychologist and she directed me to go talk to a professional. I went to that professional for the in-take conversation, but after I talked to my mom I wasn't so sure anymore. I made the biggest mistake in in my life and I can't change it! Everyone who I told about my problem said that I was probebley going crazy. It's entirely my responsebility. I know now that maybe it would 've been better if I'd talked with my parents first. But the truth is that I've always been scared of my parents espasialy my mom. She wants answers to why I took Those big steps without telling them. I know now that i'm probebley just depressed and puberty isn't ding me any good either. Like you I als did research on shizophrenia and that just made it way worst. It was about the worst thing I could've done with my great imagination. So now my mom wants me to look for answers as to why I suddenly felt like I was going crazy and took Those steps. Thruth is I know why but I don't dame to tell them, it'll only make them more mad and dissapointed in me then they already are. As for my mom I only want to be loved by her but she only yells at me and the ignores me again. She saus she cares about me but I know she doesn't, she only pretents to care. I've always been bullied and don't have many friends. I feel like the everyone hates me. I thought I had this all my life but I don't know really, I do know that my memory refuses to separate the lies from truth and search the past my minder created. I watch a lot of series and read a lot of books, I also write books and i'm an actress. I wish my life was less complicated. I like the attention I get though this, but everything i've worked for like acting, being a scouts leader, babysitting and I want to study criminologie to later become a detective in murder Investigations. I'm going to work really hard to get back on track and to face my worst fears. I believe that I can get my life back and better than ever. I'm almost 18 two years till college. It's good to know i'm not the only one going through this, i'm a hypersensitive person and this sure as hell was very scary. When i'm older i'm sure I will laugh about this. But It's releaving to know that i'm not the only one that has to deal with this.

5

Hi.Not sure what im doing on here.

I have been looking for help with my condition for years and just came across this forum and speed read through your letter.

And it was your problem with your parents that caught my eye and it was very much like my situation many years ago.

It is sad that we feel this way that our parents do not understand us, and they would not understand that they have caused us to feel this way.

I could tell you what I have been through but It would be to long, but I have done it all.Done the councilling,done the tablets, done doctors.

none have worked and why is this.

I have likened the brain to a computer, and we have downloaded a virus, we dont know when it was downloaded but its definitly there.

Unfortunatley doctors are not computer experts and you cant put a plaster in your brain to make it better.

So we need a computer expert or at least a manual to get rid of these thoughts and to get us back to were we should be.

In my life time I have had 2 masive melt downs and have cried out for help but nobody helped me, you feel so alone.

To cut a long story short I am a lot better now, I have found the key to reversing this illness, the worse thing is that nobody will belive me and its not an easy journey but the rewards are worth the effort.

There is a book that can make you undertand what is causing your condition, but it is a hard read especially when your brain finds it hard to understand because it is so messed up. I.E. try reading a car manual with no knowledge of cars its impossible to understand.

sorry carrying on a bit?

I have suffered for at least 50 years, im 53 now. Maybe I have been lucky and what I have done will not work for others, so good luck to all of you on here that cry for peace and do not recive it.

Love yourself, dont try and be liked, Dont feel sorry for yourselves, And the worst thing I found is trying to show by your actions that you hurt inside to others, we just wanted them to understand our pain.

Also understand that everyone is in the same position they just cover it up better. This illness happens to rich and poor alike.

God bless you all

6

Please seek help from a doctor! And you have to quite the drugs and give yourself time to get over the withdrawal because all drugs have it, even WEED!!!!!

You have to be honest with your doctor and tell him/her everything!!!!! You can all make it through this but it takes Time!!

If you get out in an antidepressant for a short time, you have to remember that sometimes there are side effects but they don't last long. And the Antidepressant takes about 4 to 6 weeks to work.

My son desided not to take his antidepressant and continued to smoke weed which he thought was a miracle drug and wasn't the cause of any of his problems!

He just took his life ar 21 years old in October! I miss him so much and our lives have been destroyed.

Please get proffesional help and if you don't like the doctor you are seeing, you can get another one.

YOU HAVE TO BE HONEST WITH THEM SO THEY CAN HELP YOU!!!!!!