My first post on here, I’ve never knowingly suffered with any sort of mental illness before, I’m a 47 year old male, with a manual/physical job. Been with my wife whom I love very much, for 16 years. We have no children and no real worries, consider myself pretty lucky to be honest. Work crazy long hours though!
We went on holiday to Crete in June for our yearly holiday, after 3 days away, I came down with what I now know to be anxiety and depression. Thing is, it’s targeting how I feel about my wife. I love her and would rather die than be without her, but my mind keeps playing tricks on me and making me doubt our compatibility and suitability. It’s so distressing and upsetting…… these thoughts are with me constantly when we are apart. I’m generally much better when we are together……although I feel very irritable at times…..probably because the anxiety and chest pain is so tiring.
Can anxiety alter how we think? Anyone else been or going through similar?
It sounds like a form of OCD - there’s different types but I think yours sounds like Rocd or relationship OCD - which makes you doubt your relationship and have intrusive thoughts about how you feel towards your partner. If you Google ROCD you should get a lot more info on this. Hope that helps!
Yes I’ve had this and it’s really hard, sorry you are going through it. The thoughts are ego dystonic meaning the anxiety targets what you care about the most, it can be overcome with help from therapy/medication, reach out to your healthcare professional. All the best x
Not the same I know but anxiety made me give up driving, I always loved driving but last week sold my beloved car as I didn’t trust myself at the wheel anymore, dizziness etc, so another joy in my life gone I really hope you re-find your love for your lovely wife
I’m sorry to hear that you’ve given up driving, hopefully one day you’ll be able to enjoy it again.
It’s strange because I know actually love my wife, she knows I do. I wouldn’t want to live without her. It’s the constant doubting our compatibility and feeling irritated……I know it’s the depression and anxiety but it’s so convincing it really distresses you.
Thank you for replying, it’s so distressing and upsetting. I can’t figure out whether the depression is fueling the anxiety or vice versa. Makes you seriously doubt everything about your relationship. Get soooo irritable.
I’m currently trying the talking therapy scheme on the NHS, it’s ok…..but limited to what you can do in a 30 minute phone call every 2 weeks.
Think I may see Doctor about medication of some description.
I have had some bouts of ROCD (I also sufffer from some anxiety in general).
What I have realised - and it’s taken me about 6 years to notice this pattern, is that when I have these feelings about my partner, there is usually something else at the heart of it. It may be that something has triggered my insecurities and that insecurity shows up in the form of anxiety towards my relationship and the feeling that we are not right for each other. Maybe it’s a self protection thing, I don’t know and I’m not qualified to work that out
Can you look deeper? Is there something else triggering this?
I know everyone is different but just wanted to share what I have learnt.
I’ve always been an anxious sort of person, just put it down to my personality.
I first stated feeling like this when we were on holiday, felt like I was having a complete breakdown, so distressing and upsetting to have these unwanted thoughts,doubts and feelings.
The only trigger I can think of is she said the pool was small…..either that or I was looking at all these perfect people and couples! Really don’t know my triggers.
I’m starting to think that depression is feeding the anxiety, I’m not suicidal depressed…..but I have very low mood, depressed, low self worth, very irritable, lost all interest in socialising and doing things I used to enjoy.
I’ve read that depression can cause you to have doubts about love and compatibility, making me anxious and creating a loop of negative thinking
I really hope you re-find your love for your lovely wife