Anxiety like a parasite

Women's health
1

I had a hysterectomy with all taken except part of an ovary, and have suffered with hypothyroidism for 20+ years. Because of this I missed all of the little signs of peri-menopause. So everything took me by surprise. At a guess I am around 10 months post. YIPPEE!

Looking back I do not recognise the raving lunatic I was for the best part of 9 months early last year. I think now the anxiety fuelled and fed my symptoms like a parasite draining me of who I was. Once I had finished being tested and probed being investigated for every horrible disease I thought I had and finally accepted it was hormones and menopause I realised I needed some help, I am not sure whether it made a difference but I was also dealing with the sudden passing of my beloved husband aged just 52 so maybe I was a bit more vulnerable. So I started seeing a counsellor, it didn’t rid of my symptoms but helped me cope better with them, so the anxiety gradually eased followed by the rest of the hideous hormone related mess.

The symptoms I remember are as follows as far as I can recall.

No appetite – Eat nothing for weeks on end, just sipped water and ice chips.

Weight loss- lost nearly 2 stone

Nausea- constant day & night

Belching- awful indigestion despite not eating

Insomnia- totally unable to fall or stay asleep got maybe 3 hours a night if lucky

Night sweats- OMG drenched need I say more

Heat Intolerance- This was weird I felt warm all the time normally cold because of my thyroid, couldn’t bear even a warm shower it had to be cold, the hair-dryer was an absolute no no.

Flushes- Lasted forever just finish one then start another, either with or without the sweats. No triggers only very sensitive to temperature to surroundings

Difficulty Swallowing/Eating- Like a lump stuck in throat even taking meds was hard because of gagging but was only actually sick a couple of times

Tiredness/Exhaustion- probably mainly due to lack of sleep

Emotional/Depressive- moods were down and very weepy. If I didn’t have such wonderful kids not sure I would bothered trying probably just ended it all ( hate to admit that now)

Confusion/difficulty focusing- very light headed and dazed feeling

IBS like symptoms- obsessed with keeping diary of BM

Palpitations- happened a lot

Chest tightness- very uncomfortable of course I had angina and heart disease, this was definitely anxiety

Pounding heart – I could feel my heart pounding in my chest and hear it in my ears

tremors/shakes- Shaking externally and internally. The external was like a constant shiver, internal was like an inner bouncing very hard to explain

restlessness- couldn’t relax or sit still

anxiety- WOW never been an anxious person but this was just awful I was googling every little symptom, this made every other symptom worse and lots of crossover symptoms of anxiety itself.

Panic Attacks- Again never had one before very scary, got so I was afraid to go out, talk to anyone or make or receive calls

tachycardia (100-140)- due to anxiety

headaches- terrible pounding

head zaps- would happen day and night like a shock in head

feeling something wrong- convinced I had something terminal, Feeling detached from reality

Dry mouth-couldn’t quench thirst no matter how much I drank.

I think the worst symptoms were around the time of M day then after each 3 month intervals things gradually improved. Just like a thunderstorm coming you hear it coming there is a frenzy then gradually it fades and settles like ripples in the water the further away you go the calmer it is.

Now I am me again in the words of Lewis Carroll “ I can't go back to yesterday, because I was a different person then”.

Hope this helps someone.

 

2

Thank you for taking out time Share this it is exactly the symptoms I M dealing with every signal onee that you said!!!! My kids are not supported like yours was you Are blessed I am taking nothing no medication at all not sure how much longer I can hang on and deal with this No support whatsoever my husband passed in 2015 I am so sensitive sensitive to so many medications I'm afraid to try anything My hormones keep dropping my blood-sugar every 1 to 2 hours Already have low blood-sugar do to pregnacies and it never went away even after babies were born I am amiss and Diagnosed with diverticulitis Does this terrible sit symptoms ever end!

3

this helps tremendously. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

4

Thank you for sharing this.The menopause is a nightmare and when trying to deal with grief also it's so much worse. My heart goes out to you .As women we all struggling to deal with everyday life and when we are not feeling ourselves and have such a roller coaster of ride to deal with it seems so frightening. I could only explain it as like my body had be taken over by alians. It's such a scary place to be always fearing the worst. So many symptoms to deal with and not everyone general. I to have been experiencing the lump in the throat and difficult swollowing it comes and goes but the more I stress about it the worse it is .We must all stick together and help each other x Hope you are having a good day today x

5

Your welcome x

6

Thankyou for your kind words.  You are quite right about the everday struggles!!  As I have come out of the other side of this nightmare I felt I wanted to try and help others.  Of course its an individual thing but sometimes it can be reassuring to share.  My friend has only just began her journey so I am helping her and thought maybe others are also suffering in silence.  I remeber reading somewhere only 2 species go through menopause us and whales hmm maybe the ones that beach are meno.  Take care x

7

My heart goes out to you it is difficult to deal with this when you are grieving.  I miss took some of my symptoms as grief when in reality they were probably interlinked.  Its hard there is no denying that but it should get better.  I also have had dystonic reactions to meds, so tried the natural route, I started them a bit to late in the process to make a real difference but I am happy to share these with you if you wish.  If you look it at it as so your hormone was a drug that you have been taking for the best part of your life, then its taken away you go cold turkey well hormones are really the same.  My endo told me that hormones have an affect on every cell of your body so its no wonder we go a little crazy, its puberty in reverse!  Perhaps your kids are also dealing with grief, do you mind asking their ages, this can also make a difference in their understanding of your situation.  Losing a parent is awful ( I lost my dear old dad when I was young), but losing your partner I have found to be a whole different ball game, just remember you have suffered a great trauma in your loss so dont't be too hard on yourself, hang in there it will slowly get better x

8

Well I just watched that tv programme menopause and me. It was ok as far as it went, but I thought it felt a bit rushed. Something of a missed opportunity it would have been better to have a series on the subject, it seemed to me it was more like an advert for her, I learnt nothing useful.

9

Oops silly predictive text meant Hrt

10

This has helped me tremendously, thank you. You could be describing me. It is incredibly hard right now.

11

Hi,

I am sorry to hear you are having a bad time at the moment.  I remember some days wondering how I could go on, and just wishing it would end.  One of the main frustrations I think is not having a set timescale like say with a cold you know within a couple of weeks you will be fine.  I was completely blindsided as I had no periods to judge where in the process I was.  Not only do we have all the physical woes to deal with but the lack of sleep makes matters worse.  The trouble is we get stressed and anxious even more which is why I thought it was like a parasite feeding off of us making symptoms even worse.  All though I never posted before ( I was in to bad a state) in my endless google searches I did read some posts, and thought that maybe just hearing from someone that has more or less come through the other end might help keep you going.  I have probably missed a few symptoms that I have forgotten (eg ants crawling ) because I believe in the misdt of this nightmare I had a slight nervous breakdown.  Just hang on in there, there is only one way to go, I am happy to help if I can, good luck x

12

A couple of missed symptoms:

As mentioned above feeling of insects crawling over skin

Muscle tension mainly neck, shoulders & backache, and joints aching especially hips, knees and legs.

Skin and hair changes dryer and older looking.

On a positive note I can now say health anxiety has gone. I am just recovering from a non de-script 48 hour bug. This time last year I would have had some horrible disease no doubt. I am not sure why we become obsessed with all of this, perhaps we sense deep inside something is wrong but in reality it is just our bodies changing and just not feeling the same, hmm food for thought.

Well now I am waiting for gravity to have its turn, when my boobs go to the waist, waist to bum & hips, bum & hips to knees, oh wait where will my knees go, to my feet! Oh well I can deal with fat sausage toes LOL.

Oh yer and still waiting for the turkey neck & bingo wings.

My next big decision shall I grow old gracefully or disgracefully? Have to think what will be more fun!!

13

Hi

Following on from this as stated previously I tried remedies too late to make a significant difference.  Its all trial & error everyone is different.

Soya isoflavones- didn't work for me

Sage- didn't work for me

Vitamin Bs- helped with fatigue

Vitamin D - also helped with fatigue through winter

Multivitamin with minerals when I couldn't eat to make sure my body had what it needed.

Lavender Oil Capsules- although it didn't get rid of the anxiety I think it may have taken the edge off a bit, with no fear of becoming dependant.

Magnesium- for insomnia this definately aided sleep, which helped greatly.

As soon as I could I started walking everyday this lifted my mood and blew some cobwebs away.

Have taked up Tai Chi this has helped with breathing and relaxation as well as building strenghth

Good Luck All

14

Thank you for your post! I'm sitting at work trying not to cry because all I want to do is go home because I'm so anxious! I have slot of the same symptoms you have! Just reading your post made me feel better!

15

I'm sorry you are feeling bad. It really is shameful that anyone has to suffer in this day and age. We all know this is part and parcel of getting older but that doesn't mean it is easy. The trouble is we are all educated in other health issues but menopause isn't really explained. Yes we all know flushes, sweats and period changes, but no one warns us of all the other symptoms one can also get. Not in a million years did I ever hear about anxiety. All we are told is its a natural process, yes it is but sometimes even with natural processes help can be needed, my eldest son was in special care when he was born with these"natural processes". The anxiety can play all sorts of tricks with mind and body, and the trouble is it makes it harder to cope. I hope you find something that helps you,if I had took all what the A&E doctors prescribed I would now be on pills for depression etc. In one of my more desperate moments I did try taking them for one weekend but all they did was make my symptoms worse and sent the anxiety into orbit. Clearly there is an issue with menopause and the medical profession you only have to read these posts and look at the number of members there are.On a positive note it really should get better once you have reached menopause, one by one symptoms will ease and lessen,I,m happy to answer anything I can if it helps, good luck and I hope today is better for you, take care x

16

Oh my this is me. I nursed and lost my mum 16 months ago to cancer and thought all that was happening to me was down to grief.

I didn't take a period for 6 months which was like tar then nothing for another 6 months. Just finished another 1 which again was dark but not atall heavy.

Flushing in the face. Aches and pains everywhere. The feeling on my skin like sunburn. indigestion problems and acid and googling every symptom convincing myself I too have cancer.

Panic attacks that overwhelm me so much that I would be sick.

The lump in the throat feeling convinced me I had throat cancer. I had the camera up the nose and over the throat and it revealed nothing. The consultant told me it's a condition called globula hysteria. He told me if you convince your mind enough then you will think you have that illness I have never felt it since.

I just can't believe that hormones can play the havoc they do on your body. However like you I probably should as been medicating for under active thyroid for 8 years and remember well how I felt before thyroxine.

My poor partner deserves a medal for what he puts up with. Going back to Dr on Monday and going to insist on blood test for menopause

17

Angela33631, my sincere condolescences on the loss of  your mum.  I personally believe that grief makes us a little bit more vunerable when it coincides with meno.  Everything feeds off the other.  If you are in the UK you may not get a test unless you are under a certain age or have other issues, they will go on age and symptoms, this is the new NICE guidelines for tests, probably more to do with cost cutting, because even if they are not wholly accurate they can put minds at rest.  I had to see an endo privately, because the A&E drs kept insisting after they had misdiadgnosed with me bowel disease that my thyroid was still out of ranges.  They decided in their wisdom to stop meds and put me on propranalol & diazepam. but within 10 days my TSH shot through the roof and put me back to sever hypo-t.  He sorted out my thyroid and educated me more on this.  When I discussed about there being something more serious wrong with me, he explained about hormones and the effect on your whole system esp GI tract, and that if it was something serious my symtoms wouldn't come & go they would stay and get worse and worse.  Logically I knew this really but the anxiety had got a hold on me.  I used to go to bed not sure what for certainly not to sleep! hoping the next day I would get up and be magically better.  In the end when I stopped obssessing about every little thing and started to take back my control things did slowly improve, I am so glad you have an understanding partner in this, most of the meno symptoms crossover with Hypo-t, but if you do a little research on bereavement and anxiety they to can manifest the same set of symptoms.  I finally accepted that it really didn't matter what caused them I just found a way to deal with them.  I wish you good luck on your journey x

18

Thank you so much for your reply bumblebee85. I am 50 on 4th may and live in Scotland.

I have an appointment with my own Dr on 1st may and I'm insisting on hormone level check.

I accept there was a time after my loss where I was grief stricken. But they need to listen to me and at least try and help me instead of treating me like a hypochondriac.

I know from speaking to other women who share the same surgery as me and have been referred to a menopause clinic.

I keep thinking my family friends and probably Dr also thinks I have lost the plot

19

You are absolutely right being made to feel you are wasting their time is certainly not helpful.  If only one of the A&E drs had listened I would not have had to pay privately to see and endo.  The trouble is as soon as you mention a bereavement they automatically think depression.  Yes I was down but certainly not severly depressed as they would have had believe.  I would have needlessly been on A/Ds now.  In fact the lovely endo told me that giving me diazepam was just pure laziness, again I could have been hooked.  I say go for it and stand your ground, you know your own body.  Best of Luck x

20

I will let you know the outcome. Thanks so much